Carla: Look, you wanted to spend the whole night together. I can't leave my mother alone. She's frail.
[Carla's mother storms into the room with a cane]
Mrs. Espinonsa: [yells in Spanish]
Turk: Baby, tell her to put the cane down!
Carla: Mama, [speaks Spanish]
Turk: Tell her to put the cane down!
Carla: She doesn't want me to have men here because I'm unmarried.
Turk: Well, tell her I needed a place to crash. She doesn't have to know we had sex all night.
Carla: She speaks English.
Turk: Then what the hell are you translating for?
Carla: Because you don't speak Spanish!
Turk: Oh, ola!
Mrs. Espinonsa: No! No!
Turk: Tell her to put the cane down.

Turk: When I was seven, the only things that I loved were my ColecoVision and Sandy Lowe. Now, Sandy was as fine as a 7-year-old could be. I mean, she had the body of a 9-year-old. And I pretty much joined the T-ball team because she was on it. I really didn't care that much about sports. But, during the first game, I got all caught up, you know, and fell in love with competing. And so, through high school and college, I pretty much played everything because I needed to compete. It was my drug. I think that's why I became a surgeon, too. Because every day, you get to step up to the table and go one-on-one against what's wrong with the patient. And if you're really good at it, you win most of the time. I ran into Sandy Lowe last Christmas, and she didn't look so good. And that was kind of awkward, 'cause, well, I look like this.

[split-screen video from the psychologist's tape:]
Turk: You want me to tell you about my girlfriend?
Carla: You want me to tell you about my boyfriend?
Turk: OK. I can be myself around Carla.
Carla: Turk makes me feel completely safe and totally independent at the same time.
Turk: And it's all the same, whether I'm with her or with my boys.
Carla: I can say whatever's on my mind. And even if he doesn't like it, even if he doesn't understand it, he respects it.
Turk: Wait, don't get me wrong. I'm not gonna give my boys a back rub. I mean, sure, if a brother's got an itch, I'll scratch it, but...
Carla: He seems to like who I am.
Turk: She's a cool lady. I love her.
Carla: I love him.

J.D.: [v.o.] Turk should've known that the worst mistake a doctor can make is setting foot in the hospital's free clinic at night.
[montage:]
Turk: I don't care if you do shave down there. That's not even a medical issue. But it sure is pretty.
Turk: Ma'am, you don't have mono. But you do have halitosis. Mint?
Turk: Ma'am, three baby Tylenol is actually an underdose for a woman your size.
Turk: Yes, congratulations, you are double-jointed.

Turk: Man, today could not get any worse.
Carla: If you were to change one thing about my physical appearance, what would it be?
Turk: [to the heavens] You're testing me. I get it.
Carla: Baby, you know I don't like you talking to God when we're trying to have a discussion.
Carla: Now, if I were to be really honest with myself, I would change everything. What do you think?
Turk: Why don't we just skip what I think and jump right ahead to not having sex for a month? Are all women this crazy?

Carla: And Turk, you don't mind if every now and then Marco and I speak Spanish to each other, right?
Turk: Baby, fo'shizzle-dizzle. Do your thizzle, 'cause I'm up out this pizzle. Church! See, we got our own secret language, too.
Marco: [Spanish: "What did he say?"]
Carla: [Spanish: "I have no idea."]
Both: [Spanish: "Jackass!"]

Carla: Can you believe that Elliot, giving me all that attitude?
Turk: You know, two weeks ago an O.R. nurse with like twenty years experience started telling me I was tying the wrong suture.
Carla: But I bet you listened to her, right?
Turk: Nah, I kicked her ass out the O.R. Heh.
Carla: But I bet you were nice about it, right?
Turk: No, I made her cry. The point is, baby, whatever happens with this patient, it's on my shoulders. And it's the same with Elliot and you know that. That's what makes your relationship so complicated. Outside this hospital, yeah, you're the boss of Elliot. And well, you know, you're the boss of me. And baby, you're the boss of everyone. But in this building, Elliot's in charge.
Carla: Am I really the boss of everybody outside of here?
Turk: Baby, you the boss of everybody in the world.

Turk: Carla. When I look into your eyes, I see the future. I see kids. I see minivans. You name it, I see it. The weird thing is, though, as long as I see your smile, none of that stuff scares me.

J.D.: [v.o.] I couldn't help wonder if by taking that patient from Todd and giving her to Turk, I had toyed with fate.
Turk: I know that look. You're wondering if you toyed with fate.
J.D.: How could you know that look? It's a brand new look.
Turk: What do you think Todd would've done that I didn't?
[fantasy:]
Nurse: Doctor, her heart stopped.
Todd: No! [removes own heart] Here! [dying breath] I'm gay!
Nurse: I knew it.
[reality:]
Turk: Oh, my God! That's your "the Todd would've pulled his own heart out" look!
J.D.: Okay, we have been spending way too much time together.

[As he lays awake in bed, Turk gives Carla a little shake:]
Carla: Wha-? Wha-? Ooh. It's morning already?
Turk: No. But I could see how you'd think that, being that it's light out and we're in bed. Baby, since we got married, I've done every little thing you've asked me to do. But I will not have my woman tell me when I need to go to bed, okay?
Carla: Okay.
Turk: Really, that quick?
Carla: I love it when you're all "my woman this, my woman that."
Turk: [laughs] That's what's up.