Nurse Roberts: [to J.D.] What was that about? You're right, I'm sorry. I've been working really hard the past few months on not being such a busybody.
Carla: So tell me, Turk, was she a good kisser?
Nurse Roberts: Excuse me. [wheels down to Carla]

Elliot: So, everybody treating you ok?
Mr. Thompson: Yeah. You know, the nurse that does the sponge baths, wouldn't be shocked if she's killed before. [to Nurse Roberts] Hey, sunshine.
Nurse Roberts: Why don't you just calm your ass down? You was barely bleeding.
Mr. Thompson: From a bath, woman.
Nurse Roberts: Mmm-hmm.

Nurse Roberts: I've seen this before. Gauze, sponges, some young surgeon left something in this man.
J.D.: No. No, I know the guy that closed. He'd never be that careless.
Turk: Okay. Excuse me, sorry. Has anyone seen my keys? No? Okay, how about my wallet? Anyone?
J.D.: I've never seen that before.
Nurse Roberts: [singing] Oh, baby, please Give a little respect To Me

Nurse Roberts: Dr. Murdoch, Peter's developed a high-grade fever and a cough.
Nick: No problem. Give him Ceftazidime one gram IV.
Elliot: How do you stay positive?
Nick: I guess I don't let the bad stuff in. Try not to get too overwhelmed. Call me tonight when you get my message. [exits]
Nurse Roberts: Mmm-huh.
Elliot: His butt?
Nurse Roberts: Mmm-huh.

Nurse Roberts: Can you help me find Dr. Murdoch. Peter's parents are here, he's not answering his page.
J.D.: Sure. You know, Elliot's not gonna let herself be overwhelmed any more.
Nurse Roberts: [laughs, walks away]
J.D.: [to Elliot] She's been drinking.

Nurse Roberts: Carla, your friend Patricia's here. There's a problem with her son. [to Elliot] Why so sad, Marshmallow?

Carla: Laverne, could you hand me some gauze?
Nurse Roberts: Maybe Dr. Kelso can pick you up and take you to the gauze store.
Carla: All right now, listen.
Dr. Kelso: Carla. This paperwork has your signature on it and it is totally sub-par. I won't stand for this kind of shoddy work.
Nurse Roberts: [to Carla] Let me help you.

J.D.: Please, I know all there is to know about thrombotic thrombo cyto top toppy...
Nurse Roberts: Thrombotic thrombocytopenic purpura.

Elliot: See? This is good. I don't feel weird.
J.D.: I don't feel weird.
Nurse Roberts: I feel weird.

J.D.: [v.o.] At a hospital, there's always one sure way to deal with boredom.
J.D.: You guys wanna go laugh at the narcoleptic guy?
J.D.: [v.o.] I know it sounds insensitive, but let's face it, narcolepsy is a funny condition. And it can be triggered by a number of things. Like stress. Or anger from, say, three double bogies in a row. Or, in Mr. Hilliard's case...
Turk: Sexual arousal?
Elliot: I'm going in.
Nurse Roberts: Is falling asleep after sex considered narcolepsy, 'cause if it is, Mr. Roberts has got it.