Carla: Look, Katie, I've seen all kinds of people come through this place. Tall, short, gay, straight, smart, weird The point is, this childish, self-centered attitude you keep throwing everyone's way is nothing new.
Katie: You know what's really driving me crazy? You keep acting like you know me.
Carla: Don't bother with the sob story. I've been here a long time, I've heard it all before.
Katie: Really? Because my dad died when I was six, and to cope, my mom drank herself through most of my childhood. No one ever did anything for me. I've always had to do it for myself.
Carla: [downbeat] Oh, Katie.
Katie: I know.
Carla: [upbeat] Heard it! Me, dead mom. J.D., dead dad. Elliot, emotionally abusive parents. Dr. Cox, emotionally and physically abusive dead parents, which he may have killed. No one's sure. Look, Katie, now that you're here It doesn't matter what crap you have in your past. All that matters is that you leave it there. Because this hospital is your home now and these people are your family. And I can tell you they will love you unconditionally if you let them. But if you don't, they... Check that. We will eat you alive.

Carla: You should get dressed.
Turk: I can't. It's still out there.
Carla: Don't call my mother "it". It implies you think that she's a monster. Now, get a move on, it usually gets up to feed about now.

Carla: Wow. A bus pass. Help me get off my bra.
Turk: That's not all. You'll use that bus pass for an all-expense paid trip to nurse practitioners' school, where you'll learn how to be more than just a nurse.
Carla: "Just a nurse?"
Turk: Did I say "just a nurse?" I meant a nurse. Honey, you were complaining about having to ask Dr. Wilder for permission just to feed a patient. And this way you'll have more responsibility, plus you'll make more money, - so I thought-
Carla: You thought that the only reason I've done my job for the last eight years is because someone didn't come along to hand me a brochure?
Turk: And a bus pass.
Carla: You're unbelievable.

Turk: You know, you're gonna have to see her eventually.
Carla: No, I don't. Because I know the layout to the air-duct system like the back of my hand. Of course I'm gonna have to see her again.

Dr. Cox: How's meathead?
Carla: I know I'm not a doctor, but if you could order a strong anti-emetic, that'd be great.
Dr. Cox: For the record, you would ace that nurse practitioners program.
Carla: Really? You think so? What if the classes are too hard? What if the teachers are mean? What if the other kids don't like me?
Dr. Cox: OK.
Carla: Of course I would ace that program, but I barely get to see my boyfriend as it is. And if I went to class five nights a week, well I guess I'm taking my chances on Turk right now.
Dr. Cox: Him?
Turk: Somebody make it stop.
Carla: I just don't want to look back and wonder what could have been, you know?

J.D.: I was paged.
Carla: Aw, first day, Bambi?
J.D.: Yeah.
Carla: Carla will take care of you. Don't look at me when we're moving someone.
J.D.: Why?
[J.D. walks into a light fixture and falls to the ground]

Elliot: I increased the heparin to 1,500 units per hour. Does that sound like enough?
Carla: Should be.
Elliot: Speaking of heparin, have you slept with Turk yet?
Carla: What?!
Elliot: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Too personal.
Carla: I like to wait. I like a guy to want it so bad he thinks he isn't gonna get it ever. Then, when he's lost the will to live, that's when I jump him.
Elliot: So how long does that take?
Carla: A month, maybe two.

Carla: I'm full of crap? If you don't care about being suspended, why are you here? You may scare everybody else with those crazy eyes, but you don't scare me.
Dr. Cox: You use your mom as an excuse to not take chances.
Carla: You're never happy unless you're here.
Dr. Cox: Admit that you're afraid to live your own life.
Carla: Admit that losing this place would kill you.
Dr. Cox: We done?
Carla: That's all I got.
Dr. Cox: Crazy eyes? Low blow.

Turk: So Cox tore into you, huh?
J.D.: You know what pisses me off? No one ever calls him on anything, you know.
[meanwhile:]
Carla: You want to kick and scream while you're teaching people here, that's fine, but if you ever yell at my friend again over nothing, then I will personally wipe that scary smile off your face, put it in my purse and keep it there until no one around here is any more scared of you than I am.
[back:]
J.D.: It's not fair.

Turk: Hey, Mom, guess what.
Carla: Hi, Mrs. Turk, I'm gonna cut right to the chase. I'm Carla and I apologize if your son hasn't told you about me. Honestly, I don't know how you've put up with him as long as you did. Still, you should know he loves me very much, I feel the same and we're really good together.
Margaret Turk: Are you two sharing a bed?
Turk: No!
Carla: Yes, ma'am, we are. But if you're a good judge of character, I think you can tell I'm not messing around.