TV Quotes

Julie: Plomox is the most effective anti-arrhythmic drug on the market right now, and it has minimal side effects. Only nausea, impotence, and anal leakage.
Dr. Cox: I'm getting two out of three just from the conversation.

Dr. Cox: There is no one I hate more than that Medusa. She is everything that's wrong with medicine. Even knowing that she's here in the hospital makes me want to tear someone's head off.
Elliot: Dr. Cox, is this a good time? Because I have a teeny-weeny question about Mrs. Kahn's necrotizing fasciitis.
Dr. Cox: For you, Barbie, anything.
Elliot: Super.
Dr. Cox: But first, an interesting side note. I actually had my physical last week, and while my cholesterol was low, my blood pressure was through the roof. Needless to say, my physician was stumped. But now, thank God, you've helped to solve that riddle, because the instant I heard your shrill voice whining about a "teeny-weeny problem," oh, it took every ounce of self-restraint I had to keep blood from shooting out my ears.
Elliot: Doesn't it seem like in the time that it took you to say all that, you could have just helped me instead.
Dr. Cox: Well, yes, it does, but here, that's what makes it delicious.

Carla: Bambi, are you giving me attitude?
J.D.: What if I am?
Carla: [laughs] Sweetie, you have to be a minority sidekick in a bad movie to pull that off. You know what I'm talking about, right?
Nurse Roberts: Oh, child, please. You speak the truth.
Carla: Explain it to this man, please. First, you do the hand, then you do the finger, then you talk through the nose. And then you give a lot of attitude. That's how it works. But if you're not from there, you don't understand, so I'm not going to even ask you.
J.D.: OK, I'm gonna leave now.
Carla: What? [gasps] Oh, no, you didn't! Where you going? Where you going?

J.D.: [v.o.] And that's when Carla knew what she had to do.
Nurse Roberts: [imaginary] Go on, girl. You can do it.
Carla: [sighs] Wow, I'm still not ready to do this. [sighs] It's gonna be so weird not having you by my side every day. Making fun of the doctors, going on and on about Jesus. Man, I hope he's real or you're gonna be pissed. Remember my first day, when that patient came in and started bleeding out on me? I was so shocked I could barely move. But you stood by my side and you guided me through it. And then you did the most amazing thing of all. You made me laugh. [sighs] For the last 15 years, you've been my role model, but most of all you've been my friend. And I don't know what else to say, except I'm really, really gonna miss you. [sighs] Goodbye.
[Carla looks back and no longer sees Laverne standing with her]
Turk: Come on, baby.
J.D.: [v.o.] You can ask any doctor, sometimes it seems like patients just hang on until everyone's had a chance to say goodbye.