Rochelle: [o.s.] Chris?
Tonya: Chris is home!
[Tonya rapidly cuts the hair off her doll]
Rochelle: Is Chris here yet?
Drew: No.
Rochelle: Hmm. Who cut your doll's hair off?
Drew: Wasn't me.

Chris: I have a confession, too. I've been hanging out at that corner store.
Rochelle: Chris.
Chris: But I was only playing Asteroids.
Rochelle: Oh. Well, that ain't so bad.
Chris: And I lost five dollars.
Julius: What?! Five dollars?
Tonya: Ooh, I'm telling!
Chris: Now, who are you gonna tell? We're all sitting right here.

Rochelle: An "A" in math? Chris, this is so great.
Tonya: You got an "A" in math?
Chris: That's right. So what?
Tonya: What's three times three?
Chris: Nine.
Tonya: What's four times five?
Chris: Twenty.
Tonya: What's eleven times eleven?
Chris: Shut up.

Rochelle: What's wrong, baby?
Tonya: I did it, I got it!
Julius: What?
Tonya: I can dance like Billy Ocean. I can do the moonwalk.
Julius: Billy Ocean? I thought Michael Jackson did the moonwalk.
Tonya: Michael Jackson stole it.

Drew: I don't know, Mom. Earrings may draw away attention from her big, old head.
Tonya: You got a big head.
Drew: You're head-mo-knotty, got more head than you got body.
Tonya: Your head so big, your hat got two floors.
Drew: Your head so big, you got to put on your shirts feet first.
Tonya: Your head so big, it has a moon.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Tonya and Drew couldn't watch TV, but that didn't stop them from reading it.
Drew: Check this out. "Matlock at 4:00." When Nashville star Dolly Parton get arrested for murder, she turns to Ben Matlock."
Tonya: Look at this: Moses Gunn is going to be on The Jeffersons.
Drew: Oh, did you know Little House on the Prairie was closed captioned for the hearing-impaired?
Tonya: Stephanie Mills is going to be on Captain Kangaroo.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] At dinner, Drew looked sadder than 69-cent shoes.
Rochelle: Hey, Drew. What's wrong?
Drew: Failed my history test.
Tonya: Told you sleeping in a room with Chris would make you stupid.
Rochelle: Tonya, hush.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father was getting the blues, but Tonya was singing a whole different tune.
Tonya: Billy Ocean Unplugged for me. Billy Ocean Filipino Queen for me... Billy Ocean Live at the Pacific Ocean for moi... Patti LaBelle for Mama. And more Billy Ocean for me.

Rochelle: What you reading, baby?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] After Tonya's crush on Billy Ocean ended, she got a new one on one of the top movie stars of the time, Danny Glover.
Chris: Danny Glover? Didn't he play Benson?
Rochelle: No, no, that was Robert Guillaume. Danny Glover played the father on Good Times.
Drew: No, no, that's John Amos. Danny Glover was Chicken George.
Julius: No, that's Ben Vereen. Danny Glover's the voice of Darth Vader.
Tonya: No, that's James Earl Jones. Danny Glover played "Mister" in The Color Purple.
All: Oh.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I thought that was Whoopi Goldberg.
Tonya: His next movie is with some White guy named Mel Gibson.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While my parents got ready for their big night out, I got ready for my big sneak-out.
Rochelle: Hey, Drew, Tonya, Chris is in charge. I want y'all to be on your best behavior.
Tonya: If Chris accidentally catches on fire, jumps out a window to fan out the flames and falls to his death, is he still in charge?
Rochelle: No, then Drew is in charge.