Stanley: [grunting and wheezing] You own the building. Why can't you fix the elevator in the middle of the night? Who do I look like? Jackie Joyner-Kersee?

Dwight K. Schrute: Well, I did say it would be an inconvenience. You should have called me from downstairs. We could've met in the lobby. It's time to go out on a sale! Here we go.
Stanley: Son, you've lost your mind. I'm not going anywhere until you fix my elevator.
Dwight K. Schrute: The buyer is your sister's friend. This is the printing paper for the entire school district of Lackawanna. You are coming, and that's an order.
Stanley: You are not my damn boss and you never will be! Guess what? Never gonna happen! Pete! Iced tea. Three sugars, five creams.
Pete: Your morning 3-by-5. Coming right up.

[In a relatively empty auditorium:]
Jim: Am I the only one that's nervous? How are you doing with this? Should we have bailed?
Pam: No, no, I'm fine.
Jim: Doesn't seem like anyone cares about us anyway.
Stanley: I guess this was worth being filmed nonstop for nine years.

Pam: We just don't have the budget for it, okay? Reception needed a computer so we got one.
Andy: Well, Andy's desk needs a computer. And, I mean, it's just kinda a coincidence that I work there, but...
Pam: Yes, but reception is a one person department. If I get you a new computer, I have to get one for everyone in sales. For Dwight, for Stanley, it would be crazy.
Stanley: So something good happening to Stanley is crazy now?

Phyllis: Stanley, Michael's not here. You can eat a slice of your birthday cake.
Stanley: I don't like cake anymore.
Andy: Why not, dawg?
Stanley: Taste changed. Now all I like is Baklava.