Joey: So you have a big work problem?
Rachel: Yeah. It's, uh- Yeah, it's, uh- You know, it's nothing.
Joey: Okay. So I think I'm gonna take off.
Rachel: No, wait, Joey, it is. It's something. It's- It's my boss.
Joey: Yeah?
Rachel: Yeah. And, uh- And my baby.
Joey: Yeah?
Rachel: My boss wants to buy my baby.
Joey: What? Oh, my God.
Rachel: I know, I told you, it's a really big problem.
Joey: He wants to buy your baby?
Rachel: Can you believe that?
Joey: That's crazy.
Rachel: That's what I told him.
Joey: How did this even happen?
Rachel: Well, I'll tell you. See, my boss and his wife, they can't have children, so- And then when we were at the Christmas party and he got drunk, he said to me, "Rachel, I want to buy your baby."
Joey: Man. When you said it was a problem about your boss and the baby, I figured it was something about maternity leave.
Rachel: Oh. Yeah. ... Yeah, that would have been a much simpler problem.

Janice: Can I just say, I really admire what you're doing. Just raising her all alone.
Rachel: Oh, I'm not doing it alone. I have Ross.
Janice: Oh, sure. Now. But what happens when he meets somebody else and gets married?
Rachel: Well, then he gets a divorce. It's Ross.

Rachel: You know what, honey? Guys are just different. They like things that we can't understand. You know, I once dated this guy who wanted to pretend that he was an archaeologist, and I was this naughty cavewoman who he unfroze from a block of ice.
Monica: Ew. Are you talking about my brother?
Rachel: Yeah, I didn't disguise that very well, did I?

Charlie: God, Rachel, what Ross just said, that's just-
Rachel: Oh, that's okay. Girls tend not to like me.

Ross: Hey, guys, I need some fashion advice. How does this look?
Rachel: Well, it's It's a little low. Pick it up a little. A little bit more. A little bit more. There you go. Now throw it away.
Ross: Come on! This looks good.
Rachel: Ross, please trust me. I buy 30 fashion magazines a month. Now, I don't know who's running for president or who that NATO guy is, but I do know that you have to get far away from that hat.

Rachel: Hi, excuse me. I'm here to see my father. My name is Rachel Green.
Ross: And I'm Dr. Ross Geller.
Rachel: Ross, please. This is a hospital, okay? That actually means something here.

Rachel: Oh, honey, I'm sure there's nothing wrong with the plane. Alright, look, I have to go. I love you, and I will call you the minute I get to Paris.
Nervous Male Passenger: Um, what was that?
Rachel: Oh, that was just my crazy friend. She told me I should get off the plane, because she had a feeling that there was something wrong with the left phalange.
Nervous Male Passenger: Okay. Uh, that doesn't sound good.
Rachel: Oh, I wouldn't worry about it. She's always coming up with stuff like this, and you know what? She's almost never right.
Nervous Male Passenger: But she is sometimes?
Rachel: Well... Wait, what are you doing?
Nervous Male Passenger: Well, I can't take this plane now.
Stewardess: Excuse me, sir? Where are you going?
Nervous Male Passenger: I have to get off this plane, okay? Her friend has a feeling something's wrong with the left phalange.
Rachel: Could I get some peanuts?
Female Passenger: What's wrong with the plane?
Stewardess: There's nothing wrong with the plane.
Nervous Male Passenger: Yeah! The left phalange.
Stewardess: There is no phalange!
Nervous Male Passenger: Oh, my God. This plane doesn't even have a phalange.
Female Passenger: I'm not flying on it.
Stewardess: Ma'am, please sit down.
Male Passenger: What's going on?
Nervous Male Passenger: We're all getting off. There is no phalange!
Rachel: This is ridiculous. I - Yeah, okay.

Ross: All right. Your money's mine, Green.
Rachel: Your fly's open, Geller.

Rachel: You were with Julie?
Monica: Look, when it started, I was just trying to be nice to her because she was my brother's girlfriend. And then one thing led to another and before I knew it, we were shopping.
Rachel: Oh. Oh, my God!
Monica: Honey, wait, we only did it once. It didn't meant anything to me.
Rachel: Yeah, right, sure.
Monica: Rachel, I was thinking of you the whole time. Look, I'm sorry, all right? I never meant for you to find out.
Rachel: Oh, please! Please! You wanted to get caught!
Monica: That is not true!
Rachel: Oh, so you just sort of happened to leave it in here?
Monica: Did it ever occur to you that I might just be that stupid?
Rachel: Okay, Monica, I just have to know one thing. Did you go with her to Bloomingdale's? [Monica is silent, Rachel whimpers] Okay, I just really need to not be with you right now.

Ross: Okay, well, I guess I just never think of money as an issue.
Rachel: That's because you have it.
Ross: That's a good point.