Dr. Miller: You got a small, minor infection in that left eye. I want you to take these drops, three times a day for a week and you'll be as good as new.
Rachel: Yeah, no. No, I don't put things in my eye.
Dr. Miller: Okay, then. I guess we'll see you back here in three months.
Rachel: Great.
Dr. Miller: And I'll fit you for a glass eye.
Rachel: Okay, just give me the damn drops.

Rachel: Oh, Honey, thank God you're home. I was getting worried.

Ross: Oh, my God. Rachel Green?
Rachel: Rob Tilman.
Ross: No, no, it's me. Ross.
Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry. Ross Tilman.

Rachel: Is Joey Tribbiani here? If you see him, please tell him I'm looking for him, and that this time I am not gonna throw up.

Rachel: Look, I am so, so happy for you guys. But you getting married just reminds me of the fact that I'm not. I'm not even close. And I don't know, maybe I just wanted to make myself feel better. And I know that that's dumb, but, oh, my God, you were so depressed when Ross got married that you slept with Chandler.
Chandler: I don't care, she slept with me.

Nurse: Okay, Rachel, are you comfortable?
Rachel: If I said I was, would you judge me?
Nurse: The doctor will be here in a minute to do your sonogram.
Rachel: Oh, man, I swear, if they sold these at Pottery Barn-

Rachel: Hi, I'm gal pal Rachel Green. If you want the dirt, I'm the one you come to. This might be Joey's baby, who knows? I'm just kidding. Seriously, gal pal Rachel Green.
Ross: Who just lost the respect of her unborn child.

Gavin: Gavin Mitchell's office.
Rachel: Rachel Green's office. Give me that phone. Hello, this is Rachel Green. How can I help you? Uh-huh. Okay then. I'll pass you back to your son.

Rachel: Of course your body's gonna change. Your breasts are gonna get bigger, your ass is gonna get bigger, you're gonna lose bladder control. God, it's just such a magical time.

Rachel: Why?
Phoebe: I want to enter her in a baby pageant.
Rachel: Oh, my God. That's the creepiest thing I've ever heard.