Rachel: I cannot believe that. I mean, I don't really like it when Ross goes out with anyone, but my sister? Isn't that like incest or something? Oh, my God, and they're gonna have sex. Oh, no. And what if he marries her too? This is just terrible. This is just terrible. And I can't stop it. I don't own Ross, you know. And Jill should be able to do whatever it is that she wants to do. Oh, my God, I can't believe Ross is marrying my little sister.

Monica: You want to tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?
Rachel: Oh, God, well, it started about a half-hour before the wedding. I was in this room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this really gorgeous Limoges gravy boat. When all of a sudden - Sweet 'N Low? - I realized I was more turned on by this gravy boat than Barry. And then I got really freaked out and that's when it hit me: How much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. You know, I mean, I always knew he looked familiar, but-

Waiter: Miss?
Rachel: [softly] Okay, I will have the side salad.
Waiter: [softly] And what would that be on the side of?
Rachel: I don't know. Why don't you just put it right here next to my water.

Rachel: Nice seizing, gel boy.

Monica: I had to turn down a job catering a funeral for 60 people.
Rachel: Oh, my God. What happened?
Monica: Sixty guests.

Monica: How did it go last night?
Rachel: Well, I didn't see Joshua. But I did punch a girl in the face.
Phoebe: What? Why?
Rachel: Well, the whole night was horrible. It was pouring down with rain. And when I got there there was no Rachel Green on the list. But there was a Rachel Greep.
Phoebe: Wow. So did you get to meet her?
Rachel: No, there is no Rachel Greep. But then this other girl overheard us. And she was all, "I'm Rachel Greep! I'm Rachel Greep!" And he let her right in.
Monica: So you hit her in the face?
Rachel: No, she was already in. But then this big bitch behind me tried to steal my umbrella, so I clocked her.

[Rachel opens the door wearing a wedding dress]
Rachel: I do!
Joshua: I got to go.
Rachel: Yeah, well, that ought to do it.

Russell: Hello, is Ross there?
Rachel: No, he's not. Can I take a message?
Russell: Yes, this is Russell, Ross's divorce lawyer. Just tell him that since I haven't heard from him, I assume he's giving the marriage a try.
Rachel: Ross got married again? Aah! No!

Judge: Okay, you two are asking the court for an annulment?
Rachel: Yes, Your Honor. And here are our forms, all filled out.
Judge: So based on your petition, you are seeking an annulment on the grounds that "Mr. Geller is mentally unstable."
Ross: Fine. I'm mentally unstable.
Judge: And based on the fact that "Mr. Geller is an intravenous drug user."
Ross: What?
Rachel: Yes. Heroin and crack.
Ross: Crack isn't even an intravenous drug.
Rachel: Well, you would know.

Phoebe: Another amazing find. I bet this has a great story too.
Rachel: It does. It is a room-separating apparatus from Colonial times.
Ross: Huh. A lot of this stuff is from the Colonial times. Hey, what are some other time periods, Rachel?
Rachel: Well, there's yore. And, you know, yesteryear.