Ross: Hey, what are you doing shopping at 8 in the morning?
Rachel: Well, I've been up since 6 thanks to somebody's dumb-ass rooster.
Phoebe: You guys, you really should get rid of those animals. They shouldn't be living in an apartment.
Rachel: Yeah, especially not with all these knives and cookbooks around.

Rachel: You told me the story. He and Monica dated. When they broke up, they couldn't even be in the same room together. And you all promised you'd stay his friend. And what happened? He got phased out.
Monica: You're not going to be phased out.
Rachel: Of course, I am. It's not going to happen to Ross. He's your brother, your college roommate. Oh, you know, it was just a matter of time before someone had to leave the group. I just always assumed Phoebe would be the one to go.
Phoebe: Uh!
Rachel: Honey, come on. You live far away, you're not related. You'd lift right out.

Rachel: Oh, I had the worst day. You think you're finally making progress at work, then your boss calls you Raquel.
Chandler: Hey, listen, for the first four years of my work, everybody called me [babbling]. Seriously.
Rachel: I believe you. It was right in the middle of a meeting, so of course no one wants to correct her. So everyone else is calling me Raquel. By the end of the day, the mailroom guys were calling me Rocky.

Judge: Okay, you two are asking the court for an annulment?
Rachel: Yes, Your Honor. And here are our forms, all filled out.
Judge: So based on your petition, you are seeking an annulment on the grounds that "Mr. Geller is mentally unstable."
Ross: Fine. I'm mentally unstable.
Judge: And based on the fact that "Mr. Geller is an intravenous drug user."
Ross: What?
Rachel: Yes. Heroin and crack.
Ross: Crack isn't even an intravenous drug.
Rachel: Well, you would know.

Judge: Now, it also says here that you "Iied about your sexual preference before marriage."
Ross: Oh, come on.
Rachel: Ross, please. I found the magazines.
Judge: And, finally, that you were "unable to consummate the marriage." Well, that makes sense since you're gay and addicted to heroin.

Judge: Now, if you two were involved in a serious relationship, that really creates a problem.
Rachel: Well, Your Honor, rest assured, that relationship ended two years ago. And you can please strike "consummated like bunnies" from the record?

Judge: Is there anything in this record that is actually true?
Rachel: Well, yes. We got married in Vegas. And the names, I think.
Judge: Well, based on what I've heard, you two certainly don't qualify for an annulment. If you don't wanna be together, you'll have to file for divorce.
Ross: That's great. You happy now? Look what you did with your funny, funny form.
Rachel: What? Me? What about you and your "consummated like bunnies" nonsense?

Phoebe: Maybe instead of thinking about how you're going to miss each other, you should think about some of the things you're not gonna miss.
Monica: I don't think there's anything.
Phoebe: Come on, there's gotta be something.
Monica: No. She's perfect.
Rachel: I have one.
Phoebe: Good. Great. Okay, you can go first.
Rachel: Well, I guess I'm not gonna miss the fact that you're never allowed to move the phone pen.
Phoebe: Good. That's a good one. Okay, Monica, anything? You know, does Rachel move the phone pen?
Monica: Sometimes. Always, actually.
Phoebe: Okay. There you go. Doesn't everyone feel better?
Monica: Not just the phone pen. I never get my messages.
Rachel: You get your messages.
Monica: Yeah, well, I don't think it really counts if you have to read them off the back of your hand after you've fallen asleep on the couch.
Rachel: So you missed a message from who? Chandler? Or your mom? Or Chandler? Or your mom?
Phoebe: Great. It worked. No one's sad.

Janine: Do you guys want to come too?
Ross: Are you serious?
Monica: We are there.
[Rachel laughing]
Chandler: What are you laughing at?
Rachel: Well, I used to date him, but you're still going out with her.

Rachel: I just cannot believe this. I mean, Joey Tribbiani.
Monica: It's none of my business, but aren't you married?
Rachel: Yeah. I wish we could just not be married for a little bit. You know, I just wish we could be, like, on a break.