Chandler: Okay, this is it. We're gonna get married.
Monica: You sure you wanna do this?
Ross: Hello, Mrs. Ross!
Rachel: Well, hello, Mr. Rachel!

Monica: Okay, do it one more time.
Rachel: Really? Really?
Monica: Yes.
Rachel: Okay. [in an Irish accent] Hello, Ross? This is Dr. McNeely from the Fake Accent University. We'd like you to come on-board with us full-time!

Rachel: Okay, look, Mr. Zelner-
Mr. Zelner: Oh, I think it's best if I speak first.
Rachel: Yeah.
Mr. Zelner: I've asked Lee from human resources to be here as a witness to our conversation.
Rachel: Oh, God.
Mr. Zelner: If I in any way implied that I wanted to buy your baby I am sorry. Okay? Last week, when I asked you when your due date was, I certainly did not mean that I felt that I was "due" your baby. I want to be very clear that I understand that it's your baby and it is not mine to purchase.
Rachel: Well, as long as we are clear about that.

Rachel: Hi. I'm sorry. I need to borrow your phone for just one minute.
Phone Guy: I'm talking.
Rachel: I can see that. Just one phone call, I'll be very quick. I'll even pay for it myself. Okay, you're being a little weird about your phone.
Phone Guy: All right. Fine. I'll call you back.
Rachel: Thank you. Machine. Just waiting for the beep.
Michael: Good.
Rachel: Ross! Hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that everything's fine. And I'm really happy for you and your cat. Who, by the way, I think you should name Michael. You see there, I'm thinking of names so obviously I am over you. I am over you. And that, my friend, is what they call "closure."

Teacher: Sorry I'm late. Let's get started. So, what did you think of Jane Eyre?
Phoebe: Rachel and I were discussing it, and she actually had some very interesting insights.
Teacher: Well, go ahead, Rachel.
Rachel: Um, thank you, Phoebe. What struck me most when reading Jane Eyre was how the book was so ahead of its time.
Teacher: If you're talking about feminism, I think you're right.
Rachel: Well, feminism, yes. But also the robots.

Rachel: God, she is unbelievable.
Ross: I know. I mean, a Ph.D. is just as good as an MD.
Rachel: Oh, sure, Ross, yeah. If I have a heart attack at a restaurant, I want you there with your fossil brush.

Joey: Can we come in yet? We're dying out here.
Monica: Come in! Come in! We're engaged!
Rachel: Oh, this is the least jealous I've ever been.
Phoebe: Oh, no, wait. This is wrong. Ross isn't here.
Rachel: Oh, hell, he's done it three times. He knows what it's about.

Rachel: And so then I realized, all the stuff that I had been doing proposing to Joshua, lying to Ross about why I couldn't come to the wedding was all just a way-
Guy on the Plane: Oh, oh, oh, oh. I'm sorry, can I interrupt? I just want to say that you are a horrible, horrible person.
Rachel: Pardon me?
Guy on the Plane: You say you love this man, and yet you're about to ruin the happiest day of his life. I'm afraid I have to agree with your friend "Pheebs". This is a terrible, terrible plan.
Rachel: But he has to know how I feel.
Guy on the Plane: But why? He loves this, this Emily person. No good can come of this.
Rachel: Well, I think you're wrong.
Guy on the Plane: Oh, no. [bites his fist] And by the way, it seems to be perfectly clear that you were on a break.
[Rachel gasps]

Ross: It was a mistake. I made a mistake, okay?
Rachel: A mistake? What were you trying to put it in? Her purse?

Monica: This is amazing. How did this happen?
Julie: Well, Ross and I were in grad school together.
Ross: But we haven't seen each other since then. And I land in China, guess who's in charge of the dig?
Rachel: Julie! Julie! Isn't that great? I mean, isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?