Rachel Green Quotes   Page 2 of 63    

Quote from The One Where Ross Finds Out

Rachel: Hi. I'm sorry. I need to borrow your phone for just one minute.
Phone Guy: I'm talking.
Rachel: I can see that. Just one phone call, I'll be very quick. I'll even pay for it myself. Okay, you're being a little weird about your phone.
Phone Guy: All right. Fine. I'll call you back.
Rachel: Thank you. Machine. Just waiting for the beep.
Michael: Good.
Rachel: Ross! Hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that everything's fine. And I'm really happy for you and your cat. Who, by the way, I think you should name Michael. You see there, I'm thinking of names so obviously I am over you. I am over you. And that, my friend, is what they call "closure."

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Quote from The One Where Everybody Finds Out

Rachel: Phoebe, Phoebe. It's okay!
Phoebe: No, they're doing it!
Rachel: I know! I know!
Phoebe: You know?
Rachel: Yes, I know and Joey knows, but Ross doesn't know, so you have to stop screaming!

Quote from The One with Rachel's Other Sister

Rachel: God, she is unbelievable.
Ross: I know. I mean, a Ph.D. is just as good as an MD.
Rachel: Oh, sure, Ross, yeah. If I have a heart attack at a restaurant, I want you there with your fossil brush.

Quote from The One Where Joey Loses His Insurance

Monica: Okay, do it one more time.
Rachel: Really? Really?
Monica: Yes.
Rachel: Okay. [in an Irish accent] Hello, Ross? This is Dr. McNeely from the Fake Accent University. We'd like you to come on-board with us full-time!

Quote from The One with the Morning After

Ross: It was a mistake. I made a mistake, okay?
Rachel: A mistake? What were you trying to put it in? Her purse?

Quote from The One with the Proposal (Part 2)

Joey: Can we come in yet? We're dying out here.
Monica: Come in! Come in! We're engaged!
Rachel: Oh, this is the least jealous I've ever been.
Phoebe: Oh, no, wait. This is wrong. Ross isn't here.
Rachel: Oh, hell, he's done it three times. He knows what it's about.

Quote from The One with Ross's Wedding (Part 2)

Rachel: And so then I realized, all the stuff that I had been doing proposing to Joshua, lying to Ross about why I couldn't come to the wedding was all just a way-
Guy on the Plane: Oh, oh, oh, oh. I'm sorry, can I interrupt? I just want to say that you are a horrible, horrible person.
Rachel: Pardon me?
Guy on the Plane: You say you love this man, and yet you're about to ruin the happiest day of his life. I'm afraid I have to agree with your friend "Pheebs". This is a terrible, terrible plan.
Rachel: But he has to know how I feel.
Guy on the Plane: But why? He loves this, this Emily person. No good can come of this.
Rachel: Well, I think you're wrong.
Guy on the Plane: Oh, no. [bites his fist] And by the way, it seems to be perfectly clear that you were on a break.
[Rachel gasps]

Quote from The One with the Tea Leaves

Rachel: Okay, look, Mr. Zelner-
Mr. Zelner: Oh, I think it's best if I speak first.
Rachel: Yeah.
Mr. Zelner: I've asked Lee from human resources to be here as a witness to our conversation.
Rachel: Oh, God.
Mr. Zelner: If I in any way implied that I wanted to buy your baby I am sorry. Okay? Last week, when I asked you when your due date was, I certainly did not mean that I felt that I was "due" your baby. I want to be very clear that I understand that it's your baby and it is not mine to purchase.
Rachel: Well, as long as we are clear about that.

Quote from The One with Ross's New Girlfriend

Monica: This is amazing. How did this happen?
Julie: Well, Ross and I were in grad school together.
Ross: But we haven't seen each other since then. And I land in China, guess who's in charge of the dig?
Rachel: Julie! Julie! Isn't that great? I mean, isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?

Quote from The One Where Monica Gets a Roommate

Monica: You want to tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?
Rachel: Oh, God, well, it started about a half-hour before the wedding. I was in this room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this really gorgeous Limoges gravy boat. When all of a sudden - Sweet 'N Low? - I realized I was more turned on by this gravy boat than Barry. And then I got really freaked out and that's when it hit me: How much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. You know, I mean, I always knew he looked familiar, but-

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