Monica: Okay, it's time for the toast. I know that normally Ross gives the toast, but this year I'm going to do it. [crowd groans] No, it's gonna be great. Really. Okay. Mom, Dad, when I got married one of the things that made me sure I could do it was the amazing example the two of you two set. For that, and so many other things, I want to say thank you. I know I probably don't say it enough but I love you. When I look around this room, I'm saddened by the thought of those who could not be with us. Nana, my beloved grandmother, who would so want to be here. But she can't because she's dead. As is our dog, Chi-Chi. I mean, look how cute she is- Was. Do me a favor, pass this to my parents. Remember, um, she's dead, okay? Her and Nana, gone. Wow! Hey, does anybody remember when Debra Winger had to say goodbye to her children in "Terms of Endearment"? Didn't see that? No movie fans?! You want to hear something sad? The other day, I was watching "60 Minutes" and there was this piece on orphans in Romania who have been so neglected that they were incapable of love. You people are made of stone! Here's to Mom and Dad. Whatever!

Chandler: It'll be okay because when they come over, I will be all charming. I will make them love me and then we will tell them.
Monica: You really think that will that work?
Chandler: Hey, I can be pretty charming, babe. I won you over, didn't l?
Monica: I don't think you'll ever get my parents that drunk.

Chandler: I messed up. It was a meeting. Everybody was smoking.
Monica: So what? Don't you have any willpower?
Chandler: Willpower? I've watched home movies of you eating Ding Dongs without taking the tinfoil off.
Monica: You said that was sexy!

Monica: Mr. Rastatter, what does this job entail? The ad wasn't clear.
Mr. Rastatter: Mockolate.
Monica: I'm sorry?
Mr. Rastatter: Mockolate. It's a completely synthetic chocolate substitute.
Monica: Ooh.
Mr. Rastatter: Well, go ahead, try a piece. Yeah, we think Mockolate is even better than chocolate.
Monica: All right. Mmm.
Mr. Rastatter: Yeah?
Monica: I love how it crumbles. You see, chocolate doesn't do that?
Mr. Rastatter: No, ma'am. Well, anyhoo, we should be getting our FDA approval any day now. [fingers crossed] Hopefully, in time for Thanksgiving. See, the way we look at it, chocolate already dominates your major food-preparation holidays. Easter, Christmas, what have you. But, we're thinking, given the right marketing we can make Thanksgiving the Mockolate holiday.
Monica: Wow.
Mr. Rastatter: Aren't you gonna swallow that?
Monica: Just waiting for it to stop bubbling.
Mr. Rastatter: Yeah, isn't that great? Well, anyhoo, we're looking for a couple of chefs who can create Thanksgiving recipes. You think you might be interested?
Monica: Abso-[swallowing]-lutely! See, I love creating recipes, I love Thanksgiving, and now I love Mockolate.
Mr. Rastatter: Really?
Monica: Especially that aftertaste. I tell you that'll last you till Christmas.

Mr. Rastatter: Thanks for coming in again.
Monica: Not at all. I have no morals, and I need the cash.
Mr. Rastatter: It's like I'm looking in a mirror. Anyway, they're called Fish-tachios. They taste exactly like pistachios but they're made primarily of reconstituted fish bits. Here, try one. [opens a jar]
Monica: All right.
Mr. Rastatter:You're not allergic to anything?
Monica: Cat hair.
Mr. Rastatter: Oh, sorry. [closes the jar]

Answering Machine: Message erased. To record your message, begin speaking at the tone.
Monica: Hi, Richard. It's Monica. Listen, I did something kind of crazy tonight. Maybe I'm getting my period or something. I don't know. Anyway, I beeped into your machine and I heard this message that freaked me out, and Michelle will tell you the rest. I'm sorry, okay? And I hope that we can just forget the whole thing.
Answering Machine: Your outgoing message has now been changed.

Monica: I can't believe that sign didn't work.
Chandler: You know what would work? Stop making candy.
Monica: But they like it.
Chandler: You mean they like you.
Monica: Maybe.
Chandler: Is that why you became a chef, so people would like you?
Monica: Oh. You really want to talk about getting people to like you, huh, funny man?

Phoebe: And I didn't want to say anything because it's your day. I didn't want to steal your thunder.
Monica: Wait a minute. So you told people I was pregnant? [to photographer] Does this look like a conversation I want to remember?

Monica: This has been, like, my dream since I got my first Easy-Bake Oven and opened Easy-Monica's Bakery.

Monica: I still can't believe this. My uterus is an inhospitable environment? I've always tried so hard to be a good hostess.