Mr. Omar: Teach the baby to honor the mother and the father, and if the father should meet a tragic death, the baby shouldn't be upset if the mother makes friends with a nice man.
Woman: [o.s.] Omar, I need more bubbles!
Mr. Omar: Got to go. [tosses the egg back to Chris]

Mr. Omar: Yeah, go to the game, but whatever you do, don't sit behind home plate. My father was killed by a line drive to the the medulla oblongata. Tragic.

Chris: So, what's for dinner?
Mr. Omar: I'm having mac and cheese. What are you having?
Chris: I guess I'll have mac and cheese, too.
Mr. Omar: You must be having it someplace else, 'cause I'm all out.
Chris: Well, what else you got?
Mr. Omar: Uh, whatever's in the fridge.
Chris: What?! Man, do you know you have hair in here.
Mr. Omar: Oh, I know, that's my side business. My dear clients no longer have a need for their tresses-- tragic-- so I sell it to wig shops. I got a wide variety. I got curly, wavy, nappy, and Indian.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Who wants nappy?
Chris: The only other thing you have in here is some expired milk, some prune juice... and what is this?
Mr. Omar: Oh, I do have some cheese. Now all we need is the macaroni.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] We even thought about Mr. Omar.
[fantasy:]
Rochelle: Oh, my God! He's choking! Help him!
Mr. Omar: Hold on! There's nothing we can do.
Woman: But he's still choking. [the man collapses]
Mr. Omar: Not anymore. Tragic.

Mr. Omar: If the Earth died, that would be tragic, but I sure like to sell that coffin.

Julius: Hey, Mr. Omar.
Mr. Omar: Oh, hey, Mr. Julius. Unfortunately, I'm here to give my 19-day notice.
Julius: You moving out?
Rochelle: Mm, no, more like moving on.
Mr. Omar: Where you going?
Mr. Omar: Well, that's the great mystery of life, isn't it, Mr. Julius? Where do we go when we die?
Julius: Dying? Mr. Omar, that's terrible.
Mr. Omar: Oh, no, it's not. 'Cause for the next 19 days, I'm gonna be living it up! [laughs] Pass me the meatballs.

Mr. Omar: Ah, Ms. Rochelle, Mr. Julius, I just want to tell you I might be a little late on the rent. Yeah, the mortuary had a run of bad luck, and tragically, we lost three customers.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That means they lived.
Julius: You see there, Rochelle? The mojo's spreading all over the building.
Mr. Omar: Mojo? What mojo? You got a mojo on you?
Rochelle: Oh, don't tell me you believe in that nonsense too.
Mr. Omar: I believe it because it's not nonsense. I'm sorry, if you got a mojo on you, I got to move the hell up out of here now.
Rochelle: What for?
Mr. Omar: 'Cause you got a mojo on you, and I'm in this house, I got a mojo on me. And if people keep surviving around here, y'all gonna run me out of business. So do what you need to do, and let me know when it's done.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's what my wife says.

Doc: Well, who died?
Ms. Watkins: My husband.
Doc: Oh, my condolences.
Ms. Watkins: No, not just now. It happened a couple of weeks ago.
Mr. Omar: Yeah, he got mauled by a bear at the circus. Tragic.
Doc: So you're a widow?
Ms. Watkins: Yes.
Mr. Omar: All right, now. It's her third time. You gonna be number four? You better leave her alone.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Back at home, Drew and Tonya were monopolizing all of Mr. Omar's time.
Drew: Boardwalk with a hotel. Looks like somebody owes me $2,000.
Mr. Omar: Dang. Tragic.
Tonya: Mr. Omar, how come every time we see you with a woman, their husband just died?
Mr. Omar: Well, that's because I'm a funeral director, baby.
Tonya: But when the wives die, how come you don't make friends with the husbands?
Mr. Omar: Oh, well, men don't need as much attention.
Drew: Man, if my wife died, I'd be crying, sitting at home by myself wondering what I'm gonna do, how to go on. I'd be wishing anybody would talk to me.
Mr. Omar: Well, women are sensitive, you know, in a different kind of way.
Tonya: Oh, I thought that women were like that because they were desperate.
Mr. Omar: Roll the dice, baby.

Rochelle: I'll show you the apartment.
Mr. Omar: Boy, I love this wood. Don't you love this wood?
Mrs. Johnson: Oh, yes, I love this.
Mr. Omar: We going to get through this, too. We going to get through this together.