Adult Chris: [v.o.] The one time I thought I had Caruso beat, he pulled something that even I couldn't believe.
Joey Caruso: Men should be judged not by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. [applause] And in closing, I'd like to say, keep hope alive. Keep hope alive. [cheering] Keep hope alive.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Caruso wouldn't know Jesse Jackson from Reggie Jackson.
Greg: You can't go out there. You don't have a speech. You're going to lose.
Chris: I'm not going to win if I stay back here.
Joey Caruso: Oops, upside your head.
Chris: Ow.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The next politician to use that move was Jesse "The Body" Ventura.

Chris: Come on, man, we've got to go.
Joey Caruso: All you've been doing since we got here is complaining.
Chris: Well, I haven't really seen anything. All I've seen is you eating in the cafeteria for over an hour.
Joey Caruso: All right, you know what? I'm sorry. I'll just be another minute.
Chris: Really?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Maybe Principal Edwards was right. Caruso might make a change.
Joey Caruso: Yeah, just do me a favor, hold this. Now, go wait by the door.
Chris: Okay.
[As Chris carries the trinket over to the door, a team of shop workers casually surround him]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The buddy system was failing miserably, but the Black decoy system was working great.

Joey Caruso: How come you didn't tell me the bus was leaving?
Chris: When I said "Let's hurry up before the bus leaves us," what bus did you think I was talking about?
Joey Caruso: Sorry, I couldn't understand all your crazy jive talk.

Chris: Okay, we can catch the next train, and we'll be back in no time.
Joey Caruso: I spent all my money on food.
Chris: Okay, fine, I think I have enough money to get two tokens. So let's go.
Joey Caruso: Who put you in charge?
Chris: I'm just trying to get us back to school.
Joey Caruso: Just let me make the decisions.
Chris: Why should I do that?
Joey Caruso: How many times do I have to punch you before you get a clue? Don't you watch the movies? Gene Wilder made all the decisions in Silver Streak. Richard Pryor just followed orders.

Chris: Look, I don't know what you have against me. Hey, I don't even know you. So, I was wondering maybe... You know, maybe we can be cool. You don't even have to like me.
Joey Caruso: Yeah, I know what you mean. Tell you what.
Chris: What?
Joey Caruso: If you can run faster than I can throw, I won't hit you with this battery.
Chris: [screams]

Adult Chris: [v.o.] At school, the holiday brought out the school choir.
[Chris sneezes while the choir sings "Silent Night"]
Joey Caruso: Pull it together, Smokey. I don't want to be here all day.

Greg: What about your hall monitor post?
Chris: I quit.
Greg: Why?
Chris: Either people are going to respect me because I'm Chris or they're not. Either way, I'm still me.
Greg: That's cool. So who's going to replace you?
Chris: Don't know, don't care.
Joey Caruso: Here you go. [hands Chris a citation]
Chris: What's this?
Joey Caruso: WWB: Walking while Black.

Mr. Newton: Good morning. I'm Mr. Newton.
Joey Caruso: More like Mr. Tibbs.
Mr. Newton: What's your name?
Joey Caruso: Joey Caruso.
Mr. Newton: And you're making fun of me because I'm Black?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Yeah, you big dummy. He does it to me every day.
Joey Caruso: No, sir.
Mr. Newton: Sounds like it to me.
Joey Caruso: Sorry.
Mr. Newton: If you want to make fun of me, fine. But make fun of me for what I do, not how I look. You don't see me making fun of you because you look like a Brooklyn Beach Barney Rubble. [laughter]
Joey Caruso: No, sir.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] This Black sub is a bad mother...
Women: [v.o.] Shut your mouth!

Chris: Man, I can't believe this. The guy's going to kill me. It's not like I didn't have it bad enough coming to this school from the other side of town, having the kids kick the crap out of me. But now the teacher's going to kick the crap out of me, too.
Joey Caruso: Quit complaining, Kareem. I love this guy. Man, I didn't like him at first because of the whole Black thing, but I'm doing better at math now. And the things he taught me about jazz, forget about it. [knocks Chris's books out of his hands]

Chris: Don't tell anybody.
Joey Caruso: I liked it better when you worked clean, man. You know, I feel that the use of foul language degrades not only the listener but the speaker as well. [knocks Chris's books out of his hand]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Caruso is the only guy I know who would beat things out of you he wouldn't say.