Adult Chris: [v.o.] Since I only wanted one gift, I knew I'd get it. This was going to be the best Christmas ever.
Joey Caruso: Happy Kwanza, Kunta Kinte.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Well, maybe not ever.

Joey Caruso: Hey, ugly bear. Nice shirt. When you get done, you can make some hushpuppies out of it.
Greg: He's just jealous.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Finally someone was being nice to me.
Sydney: I'm going to beat your butt in Ms. Pacman.
Chris: Oh, we'll see about that.
Joey Caruso: Surprise, Donkey Kong.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I knew it was too good to be true.
[Greg runs away]
Chris: Greg!
Boy: Run away, you little idiot.
Joey Caruso: Get him!
[Caruso and his mob throw water balloons and paint bombs at Chris]
Joey Caruso: Silly Negro.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] You know what? I think it's time for this silly Negro to get out of this school.

Chris: Quarter a peek and you're done. You're next. A dollar a look, a quarter a peek. Thank you. Okay, time's up. Next.
Joey Caruso: I'm next.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I found the one thing that united the races: women.
Joey Caruso: Thanks, Mantan.
Chris: Hey, give it back. That's my dad's.
Joey Caruso: Like your father can read.

Chris: Hey.
Joey Caruso: What do you want, Tito?
Chris: I need the magazine back.
Joey Caruso: You need to get out of here, before I knock your teeth out.
Chris: Listen, my dad's going to kill me if I don't get it back.
Joey Caruso: Too bad. I sold it. See you at your funeral, Slappy.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Even at school, I was determined to take on a new attitude.
Joey Caruso: Welcome back, Boom Boom. I guess your dreams weren't your ticket out.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I was surprised how well things were going for me, but that wasn't the only surprise I got.
Ms. Morello: Also securing their position as candidates are Joey Caruso and his new vice presidential running mate, Greg Wuliger. [applause and chatter]
Joey Caruso: What's the matter, McAdoo. Thought you were the only one who knew how to balance a ticket?

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I thought I would be nervous when I got in front of that audience, but for the first time, I had more confidence than ever.
Joey Caruso: Hey, look, it's Frank and Sammy.
Chris: That's all right, 'cause after this you're the one that's going to be singing... [sings] These are the breaks Break it up, break it up, breakdown!

Chris: What were you thinking?
Greg: What were you thinking? "Detention now, detention forever"?
Joey Caruso: Nice going, thunder thumbs.

Greg: You ready?
Chris: Yep. I got my speech right here.
Greg: You got any idea what Caruso is going to say?
Chris: No.
Greg: Whatever he's got, it can't be better than this.
Joey Caruso: [grabs the paper from Greg] Thanks, Kashif.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I guess great artists do steal.