Reverend TimTom: Okay, we're back from our bathroom break and ready to play some more Jesus Jeopardy. Once again, our categories are... "Saint or Sinner?" "Diseases of the Bible," "Potent Parables," and "Who Begat Whom?" Whoever wins this round gets the staff of Moses. [chuckling] Now, that's not gonna help you to part the Red Sea, but it will snag you 30 minutes of computer time. All websites to be approved by yours truly. All righty. Brick is in the lead and sniffing victory, but Kevin has control of the board.
Kevin: Uh, I'll take "Saint or Sinner?" for $300.
Reverend TimTom: [plays guitar and sings] He was one of the guests at Jesus' last dinner But he dined and dashed [talks] Was he a saint or a sinner?
Kevin: He was a sinner, and who is Judas?
Reverend TimTom: "Judas" is correct!

Reverend TimTom: [plays guitar and sings] Well, that's our story about family Sometimes it'll drive you up a tree Where you'll see other families from way up high The grass looks greener on the other side Well, come down from that tree That's not safe Go pull out the weeds with your family and faith 'Cause family and faith are the best things on Earth Even if you were switched at birth Family and faith are all we got Even if the one you got don't seem so hot It's your family Have faith

Frankie: [v.o.] So I set out to find clients for my life-coaching business and after a near arrest in the Dairy Queen parking lot, decided to try a place where people definitely needed to get a life.
Reverend TimTom: G-55. G as in Genesis. [plays guitar and sings] Adam and Eve were in the book of Genesis The garden of Eden is where they met their nemesis [talks] Don't be tempted by the serpent.
Frankie: [clears throat] How would you like to wake up excited every day? Hi, I'm Frankie Heck, life coach.
Reverend TimTom: N-31.
Frankie: Yeah, I'm gonna need that card back, though. I only made one till I know if I'm really gonna stick with it.
Reverend TimTom: N as in Noah. [plays guitar and sings] The ark was built by a guy called Noah He gathered up all the animals and said, "Let's go-ah" [talks] 40 days and 40 nights.
Woman: Bingo!
Reverend TimTom: Okay! Well, let's, uh... Let's take a short break so everybody can get some punch. One announcement... We found a lost denture plate in the women's room, so, ladies, keep your eyes on your teeth.

Reverend TimTom: [plays guitar and sings] At home or school or on the bus There's always a better word than a cuss
Frankie: [sings] You can check the Bible God never worked blue
Reverend TimTom: He used clean alliteration and so should you Don't curse.

Frankie: [v.o.] I had never felt more alive. And our gig... that's what it's called... "a gig"... was going so well that Reverend Timtom booked us on a worldwide tour!
Reverend TimTom: [plays guitar and sings] Be careful on the World Wide Web
Frankie: [sings] Be certain of your Facebook friends
Reverend TimTom: That dreamboat you're in love with might not exist
Both: You've been catfished.
[later:]
Reverend TimTom: [plays guitar and sings] So keep it clean and use your brain
Frankie: And be profound and not profane
Both: Don't curse!
[later:]
Reverend TimTom: [plays guitar and sings] Sometimes it can seem like a chore
Frankie: [sings] Family dinner
Reverend TimTom: Uncomfortable and such a bore
Frankie: It's a winner
Frankie: [v.o.] So we ended our whirlwind tour, and I was exhausted. We had traveled over 63 miles.

Reverend TimTom: [plays guitar and sings] Happy endings are beginnings of a brand-new tomorrow Like seasons a-changin', like waves on the sea We pause, post a selfie but the timeline keeps movin' Everyday is a gift for you and me

Reverend TimTom: I know that Halloween can be kinda scary, but you know what's even scarier? Just being a teen in this crazy world, huh? But there's no judgment in God's yearbook. You're all voted "Most likely to dance." Grab a partner, and let's get ready to rock.
[As Sue places her drink down, all the other kids pair off]
Reverend TimTom: Hey, Sue Heck. I could use a tambourine player.
[Reverend TimTom throws the tambourine to Sue, but she fails to catch it. She picks it up off the floor.]
Sue: Got it. I got it!
Reverend TimTom: [plays guitar and sings] Dress like a devil? Dress like a ghoul? Jesus don't mind He's pretty cool Dress like a playa, dress like a ref? One year I dressed like Gandhi and collected for UNICEF A-hey, hey, Halloween? Well, it's Halloween, and by the way It's really all saints' day [talks] That's too fast, Sue Heck. That's a little too slow. Hey, you know what? What do you say I just follow you?

Reverend TimTom: This lasagna sure is tasty. May I have a sec--
Frankie: You know, there's got to be something in the Bible about doing the right thing even when you don't want to. I would say that's pretty much the whole point of the Bible, wouldn't you?
Reverend TimTom: Well, the Bible can be interpreted in many different ways.
Axl: Ouch! Stop, drop, and roll, Mom. God just burned you again!
Reverend TimTom: Well, you know, Axl, your folks have a point, too.

Reverend TimTom: Hey. Nice crib.
Axl: Look, if you're here to talk me into taking Weird Ashley to prom, don't bother.
Reverend TimTom: Nah. Just getting ready to take off, but I heard you had a Strat, and I was hoping I could take a look at it.
Axl: Uh, it's probably not real. Picked it up at a garage sale to take for 12 bucks.
Reverend TimTom: Well, it's not what you pay. It's how you play. You like blues? [plays blues riff]
Axl: Hair metal's more my thing. Thanks anyway.
Reverend TimTom: Oh, cool. You mean something like... [plays rock riff]
Axl: Actually, little more like... [playing hard rock riff] [Reverend TimTom plays the same riff]

Mike: Axl. What you got there?
Axl: Uh, I'm not gonna take weird Ashley to prom in my underwear. Think!
Frankie: [v.o.] It happened just like that. Axl did the right thing. Maybe it was something I said, or Reverend TimTom sang, or Mike threatened, but something must have gotten through to him.
[flashback to Reverend TimTom as he's about to leave Axl's room:]
Reverend TimTom: It's one night, man. Be cool.
[present:]
Frankie: [v.o.] The point is, he wasn't a jerk. He was going to prom.