Beverly Goldberg Quotes Page 1 of 68

Quote from The Darryl Dawkins Dance

Beverly: [beep] me sideways. I have raised some thoughtful children.

Quote from Mama Drama

Beverly: Are you crying?
Adam: No.
Beverly: Who hurt you? Tell me and I will hurt them tenfold.

Quote from Happy Mom, Happy Life

Beverly: Somebody stole my baby. Well, not real baby, fake baby. It's a toy. Somebody stole my toy! I'm going to get attitude from my son's pretend wife. Can someone call the police? Or Toys 'r Us? I don't [beep] know any more.

Quote from I Drank The Mold

Virginia Kremp: Oh please, I've seen Adam doing horseplay when I have specifically requested no horse play. He's no angel.
Beverly: Oh, he is an angel. He could literally sprout wings and take flight at any moment.

Quote from Van People

Beverly: Murray, no. Our babies can't live in a van. They could get snatched by a kidnapper, who wouldn't need a creepy van because he's being conveniently provided with one.

Quote from I Rode a Hoverboard

Beverly: Hi. I don't know if you remember me. I'm Beverly Goldberg.
Mrs. Kim: Yes, of course. You're the mom who I thought worked at the school 'cause she's there so much.
Beverly: I'm involved, yes.

Quote from Dinner with the Goldbergs

Alex: Okay, ma'am?
Beverly: Okay, write this down very carefully. I would like the sirloin, medium-plus, with garlic butter sauce on the side. I would like the vegetable medley, but instead of asparagus, I would like six pieces of shrimp.
Alex: We don't substitute shrimp for vegetables.
Beverly: Oh. That changes everything.

Quote from Dinner with the Goldbergs

Beverly: I would like the hanger steak, Pittsburgh style, but instead of Barnaise sauce, I would like crab cakes.
Alex: We also don't swap out sauces for actual food.
Beverly: Okay, got a whole lot of rules that don't make any sense. All right, here's what we're gonna do. I would like the sirloin, medium-plus, with garlic butter sauce on the side. Okay, let's start over. I would like a baked potato with sour cream and chives, but extra sour cream on the side. I would like a petit filet, a large petit filet, red peppers and beans and asparagus and creamed spinach and add the horseradish on the side. I'm not, like, starving, so cut the potato in half and put half of it to go. ... And all the mushrooms you have.

Quote from The Darryl Dawkins Dance

Erica: Mom, I need you to get heavily involved with your son in an inappropriate way.
Beverly: I'm in. You name it. I'll do it.

Quote from A Chorus Lie

Beverly: What if I had a way to solve your problems? A way to make this your biggest hit yet?
Miss Cinoman: Mrs. Goldberg, we have been through this in the past. You can't be in the musical.
Beverly: No, no, I have come to accept that.

Quote from Dance Party USA

Beverly: Honestly, there should be a museum for the two of you. It'll be called the Schmoopie Center for Cuteness and I will be the curator, and people will line up for blocks just to delight in your deliciousness.

Quote from The Lost Boy

Beverly: Wow, I am being rejected by two people who were tethered to my body for nine months by a food cord. That's right, everything I ate you got a tiny mushed up version of. Everything!

Quote from A Wrestler Named Goldberg

Beverly: What is wrong with my children? Why won't they let me completely immerse myself in their lives?

Quote from The Adam Bomb

Beverly: See, millions of girls wanna be stars, but they end up becoming waitresses or dogwalkers, or music teachers, and that is no life anyone would wish for their little girl. No offense.

Quote from A Chorus Lie

Beverly: Problem solved, love bug! We're gonna Milli Vanilli the [beep] out of that musical.