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23Quotes from ‘Van People’

The Goldbergs: Van People

213. Van People

Aired February 18, 2015

When Erica gets into an argument with Murray over the car's gas tank, he takes away her driving privileges. Erica teams up with Barry to retaliate by buying their vehicle, but Murray is insistent that they will follow his rules under his house. As a result, Erica and Barry move into their new van. Meanwhile, Adam's hopes of being class clown are dashed when he is instead voted "nicest guy" in the class yearbook.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Murray, no. Our babies can't live in a van. They could get snatched by a kidnapper, who wouldn't need a creepy van because he's being conveniently provided with one.

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Quote from Barry

Erica: I only have sixty bucks. How much you got?
Barry: I'd have to move some stuff around, but roughly twelve hundred.
Erica: Dollars? How?
Barry: Basically, you've inherited dad's stubbornness, and I inherited his cheapness. You see, every day for lunch mom gives me two dollars. I spend twenty-five cents on chocolate milk, and eat food scraps off friends' plates and random tables.

Quote from Erica

Erica: You use comedy as a defense mechanism, but that doesn't make you a funny person that people laugh with. It makes you a lame-o who people laugh at.

Quote from Erica

Beverly: Erica, please. There might be lightning outside.
Erica: Good. I would rather get struck by a bolt of red hot sky fire than cave to his stupid will.

Quote from Murray

Murray: You were supposed to back me up, Bevvy. And that doesn't mean bringing the boy dinner. Dear Lord, what did he do to that corn?

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Well, I'm sick of this, Murray. Adam was right, I have failed as a mother. Literally. Our children are van people.

Quote from Pops

Pops: Go to your room! [later:] I'm sorry I yelled and punished you.
Adam: Yeah, I hadn't seen that side of you before.
Pops: I just don't understand how you could say those things about Old Mother Hubbard. That's her dog, they're friends.

Quote from Barry

Beverly: Even though I did make Cobbler Ala Mode for dessert tonight.
Barry: Oh, that's French talk for pie and ice cream.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Erica wins. She called me the TV character I like.

Quote from Adam

Adam: So, I hear Erica is gonna be hanging out in the back of a van. Or as she likes to call it, a typical Saturday night. Zing.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Momma?
Beverly: It's me, love bug. What are you doing out here?
Barry: Eating tuna and getting ready to use the potty bush. I hate being van people.

Quote from Pops

Pops: Okay, enough with the potty-mouth in the leather trousers, I'm going to show you what funny was back in my day.

Quote from Erica

Adam: I'm funny, and there's nothing that you or anyone else can say that will change my mind.
Beverly: That's right, squishie. I think you are the funniest boy in the whole wide world.
Erica: We rest our case.
Beverly: You're a wild and crazy guy.
Erica: Again, we rest our case.

Quote from Adam

Dave Kim: Yes, I got best hair on a man!
Adam: Shut up, Dave Kim.

Quote from Adam

Pops: Old Mother Hubbard just wanted to feed her poor dog and he...
Adam: Gotta let it go, man. Gotta let it go.

Quote from Barry

Erica: Don't think of it as a van, think of it as a studio apartment of freedom.
Barry: I don't think I can agree to live in a van.

Quote from Murray

Erica: You will never win. You see this face? This is the face of a winner. And I don't care how long it takes. I will crush you with the weight of a thousand suns.
Murray: Never! I will douse your suns with a thousand buckets of water.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Where are the damn huggies?

Quote from Adam

Adam: So who's getting class clown? It better not be Dave Levy because he didn't choose for milk to come out his nose. He has a deviated septum. So lucky.

Quote from Adam

Adam: And, of course, there's my mom. Always saying, "I have failed as a mother." Crazy, right? Although, if you think about it, two of her kids are living in a van, and the other one's gone into comedy. Ay-oh!
Murray: What is this?

Quote from Adam

Adam: And look there's the Mur-man. My dad is such a slothful sack of crap, even his armchair's like, "Really? Again?"
Murray: What the hell is this?!

Quote from Adam

Adam: Nicest guy, are you frickin' kidding me?

Quote from Murray

Murray: And that is how you parent.


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