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26Quotes from ‘Happy Mom, Happy Life’

The Goldbergs: Happy Mom, Happy Life

215. Happy Mom, Happy Life

Aired March 4, 2015

When Dana and Adam are assigned a Cabbage Patch Kid to take care of as if it were a child, Beverly's interference as a grand-smother threatens their project. Meanwhile, Erica is annoyed that Lainey is spending all her time with Barry. To get back at him, Erica takes over the JTP, but being leader has its unexpected consequences.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Somebody stole my baby. Well, not real baby, fake baby. It's a toy. Somebody stole my toy! I'm going to get attitude from my son's pretend wife. Can someone call the police? Or Toys 'r Us? I don't [beep] know any more.

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Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Ssh, baby's sleeping. Just kidding. Her eyes are wide open all the time.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Okay, there are some ugly accusations flying about. And if that's not Myrna, then I have failed as a grandmother.

Quote from Beverly

Adam: How about a toast to the world's greatest mom?
Beverly: Somebody call me? No? Okay.

Quote from Adam

Adam: Well, only the best for my girl, Dana, and our little girl, Ripley.
Dana: Ripley?
Adam: It's a classic girl's name. Also happens to be Sigourney Weaver's bad-ass character in Alien.

Quote from Adam

Dana: How about one that will make us both happy? Leia?
Adam: Leia DeLorean Goldberg. I love it!

Quote from Barry

Lainey: God, I'm so sorry, Erica. I totally forgot. Me and Barry decided we were going to stay in and have a romantic evening together.
Barry: I've been holding in a fart this whole time.
Lainey: Aww.

Quote from Murray

Murray: You never side with your mother over your lady, you moron.

Quote from Pops

Pops: Pack up your toys and move to another town, the life you've built here is over.

Quote from Barry

Barry: You can't call her Big E. That's way too close to Big Tasty. It'll cause marketplace confusion.

Quote from Adam

Adam: No buts, except for yours butting out.

Quote from Beverly

Adam: Wait, don't go. I can't be a single dad.
Beverly: Oh, you'll never be single as long as you've got me, schmoopie.

Quote from Adam

Adam: Dana Isabelle Caldwell, will you be the mother of my cabbage?

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Oh. Oh. Oh. Well, I'm gonna go check in on your father. I'm sure he still needs me.

Quote from Beverly

Dana: Read the label.
Beverly: "Lettuce crop child" Oh, that is unfortunate.

Quote from Beverly

Adam: Look, it's not Dana's fault. Please don't fail her. Fail me.
Beverly: No, it's my fault. If you're gonna fail anyone, fail me.
Miss Cinoman: I can't fail you, Mrs. Goldberg. You're an adult. Also, why are you here?
Dana: Yeah, Adam. Why is she here?
Beverly: I'm just trying to help, like any good bubbie would.
Dana: A good bubbie doesn't lose her grandchild.
Beverly: I heard that. Bubbies hear everything.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Oh, God, Mur. Butting out is so hard.
Murray: Yeah, but look at him. He's having so much fun.
Beverly: Doesn't that make you happy? Damn it, it does.

Quote from Murray

Adam: Hey, guys, things have been kinda weird with Dana. Thought I should ask you about it.
Pops: Sure thing, kiddo. Happy to help.
Murray: And I, also, am here.

Quote from Adam

Adam: But it's like what mom always says. "Happy mom, happy life."
Murray: No! The phrase is "Happy wife, happy life."
Adam: It rhymes! I thought "Happy mom, happy life" was clunky. I'm such a putz.

Quote from Adam

Dana: So you'll let her know.
Adam: Know what now?
Dana: You know, stay out of it. Set some boundaries.
Adam: Boundaries. Woah. You know my mom, that's a big ask.

Quote from Murray

Pops: Are you nuts? You never let your mother and your wife hash things out with each other.
Murray: You gotta be the buffer, otherwise it spirals into chaos.

Quote from Erica

Lainey: Wait, you took them to Anthony Balsamo's party?
Erica: You were too busy running your hands over Barry's lumpy melon.

Quote from Murray

Beverly: What's that?
Murray: What's what?
Beverly: That little foot sticking out.
Murray: Just Adam's baby. I'm using it for lumbar support.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Did they entrust the baby to you over me? Over me?
Ow! Ow!


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