Beverly: I'm gonna ask you a question which you need to answer with complete honesty. Is there a world in which you are not the deserving child for this role?
Adam: There's no such world.
Beverly: Honey, I can get involved. I want to get involved. But I need to know that's what you want.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Usually when my mother wanted to mix in, I'd push her away as far away as possible. This was not one of those times.
Adam: Do it, mama. Make me Jesus.

Adam: I see it now. We open on a time portal as Mr. Lewis' cold, naked body spills to the Earth. He rises from the smoke like a Love Terminator.
Erica: Yeah, no nudity or time travel. Just make Mr. Lewis look cool. You know, macho.
Adam: We're making a picture! An Adam F. Goldberg joint.
Erica: What's with the "F"?
Adam: There's another Adam Goldberg at school. He's super-sensitive. I don't want to cause any marketplace confusion.
Erica: Don't worry about it. No one cares about either of you.

Dave Kim: Just walk on over there and be like, "Yo, Waffles, remember me? Powdered sugar, sliced banana, side of sausage. Name's Adam Goldberg."
Adam: I can't say my name. It's too confusing. There's another Adam Goldberg in school. He's a senior. He told me in no uncertain terms that he's got dibs on the upper-class girls.
Dave Kim: Stop using the other Adam Goldberg as an excuse.

Adam: Hang up! I'm trying to hack. This is a nightmare. I mean, I'm starting to think a major motion picture has lied to me about the capabilities of home computers.

Barry: Hey batter, hey batter, swing batter.
Adam: Hey butter, hey butter, sweet butter.
Barry: Are you saying sweet butter?
Adam: Shut up, I don't know sports.

Adam: After I watched that Star Wars special, I've been re-evaluating all the things I loved as a child.
Pops: Don't do that.
Adam: All the movies I worship have come into question.
Pops: Don't do that.
Adam: Short Circuit 2, Time Bandits, and don't even get me started on Jaws 4: The Revenge.
Pops: Stop right there. I know you love that movie.
Adam: Until now! Why would a shark swim from New England to The Bahamas to eat a lady whose husband killed his shark friend?
Pops: Sharks have feelings, too.
Adam: "This time, it's personal." How's that possible? It's a fish! Fish don't hold grudges.
Pops: Oh, so now you're a shark expert.

Pops: There's the man I'm looking for. Happy birthday, kiddo.
Adam: Holy God. A digital Pac-Man watch?
Pops: You like it?
Adam: Uh, it's a video game on my wrist! I love it! Thanks, Pops. You are the greatest man I've ever know. Literally the greatest man.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] When it comes to my childhood, I may not always remember exactly when something happened, or exactly who was there, but I do know that it was 1980-something and it was awesome.

Adam: Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Jackie: Cliff Notes? You told me you loved "Lord of the Rings."
Adam: I'm sorry, I tried to read it, but it's the longest book about the shortest people.