Bill Lewis Quotes Page 1 of 3

Quote from Bachelor Party

Adult Adam: [v.o.] In that moment, my dad would ask a question that would change the course of history.
Murray: What's that?
John Calabasas: That, my friend, is the Bitter. It's Austrian. So very rare.
Murray: Kind of looks like a Ferrari. I really loved those as a kid.
Beverly: Come on, Murray. For once in your life, just treat yourself.
Bill Lewis: And what a treat! Hey, Mur! Individual seat heaters! You know what they call that? "The marriage saver." Maybe if I had these bun toasters, I'd still be married. [laughs] Who am I kidding? We had separate bedrooms, only said hi in the hallway. But come on! Ah, [bleep] it]

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Quote from Bachelor Party

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Even though my mom treated my dad to a new Bitter, it just made him more bitter than ever.
Murray: I mean it, Bevy. I'm returning that damn car. The last thing I need is the Ferrari of Austria.
Bill Lewis: Sure you do. Those people make a quality product. They gave us the boomerang and Crocodile Dundee.
Beverly: It's Austria, not Australia. My God. Just let me handle this, okay?

Quote from The Tasty Boys

Beverly: You bastards! It's exactly the same.
Bill Lewis: I'm a good reader of people and you don't seem pleased.

Quote from The Pina Colada Episode

Barry: I can't believe she actually left.
Erica: I know! How could Lainey just ditch our band?! Now it's just me and my rhythm-challenged drummer!
Other Erica: I agree! Lainey's talent made up for my lack of skill, and now I'm totally exposed!
Bill Lewis: You think you miss her?! My baby girl left me in an empty nest! Who's gonna make sure I have towels? Who?!

Quote from The Pina Colada Episode

Murray: And that's not all. You know what's in that car stereo?
Barry: Is that a compact disc?
Erica: You said this family fully invested in the cassette and there were no new formats we'd ever need!
Murray: So what do you say we drive around, listen to music, and eat some of our favorite meats! That's right. We're going to Arby's!
Erica: But that's top-shelf fast food!
Barry: We only get that as a treat after we go to the dentist.
Bill Lewis: Their fries are curly! That's a special-occasions potato.

Quote from Eight-bit Goldbergs

Bill Lewis: Mm. That lucky bastard! I'll tell ya, if I was an older lady, I wouldn't mind spending a little time with him.
Beverly: This is a nightmare.
Bill Lewis: Relax. I said if I was a lady.
Beverly: No. I'm talking about my dad's gambling. He just tried to borrow money from Bill, of all people.
Bill Lewis: Oh, Lord, she's right. I'm not the person you ask for money. My net worth is seven.

Quote from Sixteen Candles

Murray: Hey, Billy boy. Here to yell at the kids?
Bill Lewis: Bingo! Hope it's okay, but I've written some really terrible things to say to Barry in order to scare him off.
Murray: You did some homework. Good on you.
Bill Lewis: Yeah. Full disclosure: I attack his physical appearance in a very un-Christian way. I mean, it's no way for an adult to speak to a child.
Murray: Hey, go big or go home, right?
Beverly: Wrong! All of our anger, guilt, and emotional terror only makes the kids dig in deeper. We have to rethink our tactics.
Bill Lewis: With your blessing, I am willing to fistfight your son.

Quote from This is This is Spinal Tap

Murray: Fine, as long as you didn't tell anybody else.
Beverly: No one. I promise.
[There's a knock on the door. Murray opens it.]
Bill Lewis: There's my angel on Earth.
Beverly: I might've mentioned it to one other person.
Bill Lewis: Don't you worry, pal. I'll marry Bev and raise your kids as my own.

Quote from Ho-ly K.I.T.T.

Bill Lewis: Sad story, Bev. But not as sad as the Thanksgiving when Lainey's mommy left.
Lainey: Which isn't important, 'cause it's not a competition.
Bill Lewis: No, it isn't. So it doesn't matter that I tell you that year I was too depressed to cook. Little Lainey looked up at me and said, "Why no twurkey, Dada?" [Normal voice] In that moment, I vowed that I would always fry her a turkey.
Lainey: Okay, now you're both just competing over whose life is sadder.

Quote from I Heart Video Dating

Bill Lewis: Hell, no! Why would I ever do video dating? I'm living the dream.
Lainey: It's 2:00 in the afternoon, and you're still in your robe.
Bill Lewis: So? A robe is just a long jacket made of towel. Lots of people wear these.
Lainey: Not to other people's homes.
Murray: In this house, we keep it loose.

Quote from I Heart Video Dating

Bill Lewis: Ohh, my back!
Murray: Don't worry, pal. I gotcha.
Bill Lewis: No, no, Bruce Lee style. Hyah! Hyah!
Murray: Hoo-hyah!
Bill Lewis: Beverly, I'm gonna need a warm towel. Oh, it's traveling! It's moving south! Aah!
Beverly: Good luck, Schmoops.
Bill Lewis: Get the small boy. Have the small boy stand on me.

Quote from Bachelor Party

Beverly: Actually, I dragged him here. He needs a new car.
John Calabasas: Well, I can tell just from the look of you that you only settle for the best. Am I right?
Murray: You are not. Save your spiel for the other suckers. I'm just here for a new handle.
Beverly: Murray, look at me and hear the words of a woman who was banned from carpool you're getting a car today. Any car. I don't even care what it is at this point.
Bill Lewis: My God, Mur-man! You're such a cheap bastard, your wife has completely given up and letting you get whatever car you like.

Quote from Bachelor Party

Guy: Hey. What kind of car?
Murray: Uh, it's a Bitter. Austrian. Very rare.
Guy: At first, I thought it was a-
Murray: Oh, Ferrari. Yeah. It gets that a lot.
Bill Lewis: Also, Austria isn't the place with the boxing kangaroos. That's Australia. See? I'm growing, too.

Quote from Bachelor Party

Adult Adam: [v.o.] After the Bitter had broken, it left my dad bitter and broken.
Murray: Can you believe that woman? "Treat yourself, Mur." Who says that to a husband? Who?
Bill Lewis: Dear Lord! This is so infuriating, it makes me wanna punch a wall.
Murray: Aw, pal, I really appreciate the support.
Bill Lewis: Wait, you think I'm on your side?
Murray: Aren't you?
Bill Lewis: No! You make me want to punch a wall, not her!
Murray: You're my best friend. You're supposed to blindly agree with anything I say.
Bill Lewis: No. Beverly is a saint. Last I heard, my wife is somewhere in the Southwest. That's not even a state. That's just a region of the country. I can't get her on the phone. There's not even an area code. I ate a banana for dinner three times last week. When I don't brush my teeth, nobody cares.
Murray: We all got stuff.
Bill Lewis: Not you. Your wife cooks for you, she appreciates you. She wants you to be happy. My wife is a ghost in the wind. Sometimes I talk to an old sock of hers when I feel lonely.
Murray: So, you're not gonna side with me on this, are you?
Bill Lewis: Hell no! And you're gonna make this right for us. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go home and peel my dinner.

Quote from The Wedding Singer

Bill Lewis: There she is, the woman who made the little devil who's taking my angel.
Beverly: And there's the man who once broke one of our dining room chairs 'cause he sat down too fast.

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