Lainey: Ugh. I hate it when my dad talks golf with my ex. They used to do it all the time when we dated.
Barry: Your dad liked him while you two were dating? I thought he hated me 'cause I'm your boyfriend.
Lainey: Oh, sweetie, no. My dad hates you as, like, a person. You being my boyfriend is just a happy coincidence.

Lainey: So, why you out here, missing your own party?
Barry: Well, it has come to my attention that this is Erica's party, and I'm just a big, giant, invisible bag of suck.
Lainey: Oh, come on. You're not invisible. You're Barry Goldberg, the guy who freaked out on the lunch lady because they ran out of pudding.

Erica: Chill. I didn't say I was going to the dance. I just said I would consider it if an idiot asked me.
Lainey: Got it. We'll play it cool and casually spread the word.
Barry: Attention, entire school! This is Erica Goldberg and she will go to Homecoming with anyone willing to ask.
Erica: Barry, sit your ass down right now!
Lainey: Uh, to clarify, she's not a desperate loser. She's just super closed off and the door's open a crack.

Lainey: There has to be something I can do. Like Chuck Norris. Barry loves that dude. Maybe he can apologize for me. Chuck seems like an accessible guy, right?
Erica: Barry's written to Chuck a few times. I think that's a dead end.
Lainey: Maybe I can jump something to impress Barry, or body slam Adam, or challenge an animal to a fight. What's the name of that horse that Barry has a problem with?

Lainey: If embarrassing myself gets me one more kiss from his drooly, cheeto-dusted lips, I'm in.
Erica: (gipping) I'm sorry, I ca - I can't be with you right now. I just can't.

Barry: Damn it! Why do you insist on ripping my heart from my shredded pecs and punting it into a cauldron of flames?
Lainey: Look, we only have a few months left before I go to college. Let's not waste it fighting.
Barry: But I want our Barry/Lainey Summer of Love Farewell Tour to be perfect.
Lainey: And I want that, too, but this list of mandatory activities is just too much. I mean, come on. Look at this: Road trips, picnics, concerts, skiing, apple picking, berry picking, pear picking. So many fruits. I don't want to work this hard.

Barry: Why is that the only thing anyone ever remembers about me?
Lainey: Hey, they promised pudding. They had no pudding.
Barry: It was a dark day.
Lainey: Mmm.
Lainey: Look, I know you feel like this year was a bust, but you did a ton of cool stuff karate in the talent show. You're on the wrestling team. You did that rap video about stone cold groovin' on a Ferris wheel.
Barry: You like my rap?
Lainey: It's hilarious. Wait, that's what you were going for, right?
Barry: Yeah! How do you know so much stuff about me?
Lainey: Your sister's my best friend. I've known you my whole life, and I can honestly say there's no one like you.

Barry: Anyone could play baseball. I play Wiffle.
Lainey: Yes, the only sport where the equipment is sold in a pharmacy.

Beverly: God, I hate that shirt.
Lainey: He looks like a walking circus peanut.
Beverly: He looks like an angry Cheez-It.
Lainey: It's like I'm dating a glass of Tang.
Beverly: Once, when he was wearing it, a panhandler gave him change.
Lainey: I had a dream I married it and we had little orange shirt babies.

Beverly: I can't wait for you to try these on. You're gonna be the handsomest boy in the whole world.
Barry: But you said I'm already the handsomest boy in the whole world.
Lainey: Now you can break your own record. Just like Wayne Gretzky.
Barry: The great one? Yes!
Beverly: Distracting him with hockey people. You're good.
Lainey: I learned from the best.