Andy Cogan Quotes Page 1 of 2

Quote from Parents Just Don't Understand

Barry: What up, JTP?
All: [meekly] Uh, JTP.
Barry: Okay, what's the deal? Your "JTPs" have been low-energy all week.
Matt: When your dad chewed you out with those R-rated Richard Pryor words, it, like, changed us.
Naked Rob: Yeah. I realized my old man's more than just a landscaper who punches holes in the wall when the Eagles lose. He's a hero.
Murray: This morning, as my dad was leaving for his desk job at the bank I just hugged him so tight.
Andy: I got my dad flowers, and he was like, "What's wrong with you?!" And I was like, "I see you." And then he broke down crying in his car.

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Quote from Have a Summer

Barry: Geoffrey, Andrew, Robert, I need to speak to my child.
Geoff: She's using our proper first names.
Naked Rob: Move it.
Andy: It's scary 'cause she said "Andrew."

Quote from Jackie Likes Star Trek

Andy: I got one. Will I still hit that senior-year growth spurt my mother promised me? My mother lied!

Quote from Girl Talk

Barry: Andy? You have better luck with that Judy Blume book?
Andy: You have no idea what women go through each month. I mean, it's crazy. It still won't help us get dates, but it's crazy.

Quote from O Captain! My Captain!

Beverly: Question: Who here is familiar with the film "Dead Poets Society?"
Naked Rob: Chill, dude. Your mom's gonna show us a movie. It's a classic sub move.
Beverly: Oh, we're not watching it. We're living it!
Geoff: Oh, no.
Naked Rob: Barry's right.
Beverly: In fact, I need a volunteer chosen completely at random to come stand on my desk and view the world from a new perspective.
Geoff: Oh, no.
Andy: She wants us to learn by standing on furniture?

Quote from George! George Glass!

Erica: Maybe it's not Omega Sig. I-It's Omega Beta. That's right. I'm tired.
Naked Rob: Actually, Omega Beta is a sorority. Yeah, we know because they put out a calendar every year.
Andy: It's quite tasteful, and the proceeds go to charity.

Quote from O Captain! My Captain!

Murray: Well, look at you guys studying.
Barry: Just tutoring my boys. They're having a hard time keeping up.
Murray: Keeping up with you? Turns out science just kind of clicks when I try.
Andy: Barry's even read four chapters ahead for fun.
Geoff: That's right. He knows stuff we can't even begin to comprehend.
Andy: Until we read that far into the book.

Quote from A Wall Street Thanksgiving

Barry: This is insane. How could you just turn your back on me?
Naked Rob: I guess 'cause we're millionaires now and you're not.
Andy: Yeah, we just don't have that much in common anymore, you know.
Barry: But this literally just happened.

Quote from Major League'd

Jesse Wudders: Okay, we're gonna lose.
Adam: Not if we have a sexy incentive for us to win.
Andy: Aw, yeah, like in the movie. Whenever the Indians would win, they would remove a sliver of clothing from a cardboard cutout of the team's super hot yet evil owner.
Adam: Which is why I made a cardboard cutout of our nemesis, school principal and avid swimmer, Earl Ball. [all groan] Relax. We're only gonna take a piece off when we don't win.
Naked Rob: This team shall never lose again.
Matt: We can't let it happen, guys.
Andy: For sure! But also, where did you get that picture?

Quote from Bachelor Party

Marvin: Gentlemen, thanks for coming to Barry's bachelor party. Adam, cue the mind-blowing visuals! Philadelphia, known for the Liberty Bell, South Street, and the world's greatest cheesesteaks. But tonight, none of that matters not one damn bit.
Adam: What? But you made me go around the city taking photos of that stuff.
Marvin: It's for dramatic effect, man which I achieved.

Quote from Adam Spielberg

Andy: And I can be your gaffer. That way, I can find out what a gaffer is.

Quote from Parents Just Don't Understand

Barry: Wait! That's it. We're not gonna do a song about parents. All we need is one parent. "Dads Just Don't Care."
Adam: Ooh. That's so true.
Andy: And brilliant, 'cause your dad really doesn't care, 'cause he's given up on life.

Quote from There Can Only Be One Highlander Club

Andy: Are they called The Jokers 'cause they're bad at jokes?

Quote from Big Orange

Adam: They were all over at the house on the day in question. That means all of you had opportunity.
Andy: That's insane.
Adam: Insane like the jealousy you felt every time Barry wore Big Orange? You loved that shirt but knew you could never pull it off, 'cause you were too tiny.
Andy: I prefer small-boned.

Quote from We Didn't Start the Fire

Naked Rob: Dude, who's awful idea was this?
Pops: That'd be me. I'm his sensei.
Andy: Mr. Grandpa, sir, I would like to go on record and respectfully say that your advice will destroy Barry's life and that you suck at this.

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