Andy: I just turned 22 and I haven't had a relationship besides the will-they-won't-they tension I have with my grandma's in-home healthcare worker.

Geoff: Hey, JTP. We thought we'd swing by and check in on you guys. We know how lonely Valentine's Day can be.
Erica: But cheggit, you're all dressed up. So I guess you found dates?
Naked Rob: And yet we did not.
Andy: In fact, we have no romantic prospects at all.
Matt: So, in lieu of lady companionship, we decided to celebrate our friendship.
Andy: We call it Pal-entine's Day.
Erica: At least you improved the name, because last year's Valen-dudes Day was a real big whiff.
Andy: First, we're gonna go to Dante & Luigi's for a little linguine and laughs.
Naked Rob: Then a carriage ride around Rittenhouse Square to see the city lights.
Matt: Finally, ice-skating at this rink my uncle manages. He's gonna let us use it after hours, so it'll be just us.
Andy: I know it sounds crazy, you guys, but I really think we could raise a baby.

Erica: Okay, well, let's see what else we're working with. Andy, go.
Andy: [sings high-pitched note]
Erica: That was beautiful and haunting.
Andy: I was a soprano in children's choir until puberty cursed me. My parents forced me to take a series of shots, but the tide of manhood came anyway.

Andy: And the Cogans are a tiny people, but our hugging arms are huge.

Barry: Enough! We are not here to discuss Ginzy's shaky family relationships. I want to hear some ideas. JTP, hit me!
Andy: You could write a letter to his fan club? That's how I got Captain Kangaroo's J. Hancock.

Barry: What up, JTP?
All: [meekly] Uh, JTP.
Barry: Okay, what's the deal? Your "JTPs" have been low-energy all week.
Matt: When your dad chewed you out with those R-rated Richard Pryor words, it, like, changed us.
Naked Rob: Yeah. I realized my old man's more than just a landscaper who punches holes in the wall when the Eagles lose. He's a hero.
Matt: This morning, as my dad was leaving for his desk job at the bank, I just hugged him so tight.
Andy: I got my dad flowers, and he was like, "What's wrong with you?!" And I was like, "I see you." And then he broke down crying in his car.

Beverly: Geoffrey, Andrew, Robert, I need to speak to my child.
Geoff: She's using our proper first names.
Naked Rob: Move it.
Andy: It's scary 'cause she said "Andrew."

Erica: Maybe it's not Omega Sig. I-It's Omega Beta. That's right. I'm tired.
Naked Rob: Actually, Omega Beta is a sorority. Yeah, we know because they put out a calendar every year.
Andy: It's quite tasteful, and the proceeds go to charity.

Beverly: Question: Who here is familiar with the film "Dead Poets Society?"
Naked Rob: Chill, dude. Your mom's gonna show us a movie. It's a classic sub move.
Beverly: Oh, we're not watching it. We're living it!
Geoff: Oh, no.
Naked Rob: Barry's right.
Beverly: In fact, I need a volunteer chosen completely at random to come stand on my desk and view the world from a new perspective.
Geoff: Oh, no.
Andy: She wants us to learn by standing on furniture?

Murray: Well, look at you guys studying.
Barry: Just tutoring my boys. They're having a hard time keeping up.
Murray: Keeping up with you? Turns out science just kind of clicks when I try.
Andy: Barry's even read four chapters ahead for fun.
Geoff: That's right. He knows stuff we can't even begin to comprehend.
Andy: Until we read that far into the book.