Monica: Seriously, where did you get the hat?
Rachel: Ross gave it to me.
Ross: Aw, I think she looks good.
Rachel: Thank you.
Chandler: Did he buy it for you or win it for you?

Chandler: The guy was hammered, okay. There's no way you look like Ross's mother.
Monica: Then why would he say it?
Chandler: Because he's crazy. He came up to me earlier and thanked me for my very moving performance in Titanic.

[After Phoebe knocks over a box of cereal:]
Chandler: Whoa-oh. Cereal killer.
Monica: Cereal killer?
Chandler: Hey, come on, I say more dumb things before 9 a.m. than most people say all day.

Chandler: Where's Joey? His mom's on the phone.
Monica: He's in the bathroom. I don't think you wanna go in there!
Chandler: Oh, come on, we're roommates. Argh! My eyes! My eyes!
Monica: I warned you.

Chandler: [to the CCTV camera] Hi, l'm account number 7143457. And I don't know if you got any of that but I would really like a copy of the tape.

Monica: Joey, you're going home?
Joey: Yeah.
Monica: And, Chandler, I assume you're still boycotting all the pilgrim holidays?
Chandler: Yes, every single one of them.

Phoebe: I just wanna be with him all the time. You know, day and night. And night and day. And special occasions.
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute. I see where this is going. You're gonna ask him to New Year's, aren't you? You're gonna break the pact. She's gonna break the pact.
Phoebe: No! No, no. No. Yeah, could I just?
Chandler: Yeah. 'cause I already asked Janice.
Monica: What?
Ross: Come on, this was a pact! This was your pact!
Chandler: I snapped, okay. I couldn't handle the pressure and I snapped!
Monica: But Janice? That was like the worst breakup in history!
Chandler: I'm not saying it was a good idea. I'm just saying I snapped.

Chandler: Come on, I'll show you to my room. That sounds so weird when it's not followed by, "No, thanks, it's late."

Chandler: That wasn't easy, but you did it. And I believe when the right woman comes along you'll have the guts and courage to say, "No, thanks, I'm married."

Chandler: Excuse me.
Joey: Hello, miss.
Chandler: It's Phoebe.
Chandler: Hi.
Ursula: Hi. Okay, will that be all?
Chandler: Wait, wait. What are you doing here?
Ursula: Yeah, I was over there then you said, "Excuse me, hello miss." So now I'm here.
Joey: No, no. How come you're working here?
Ursula: Right, yeah. Because it's close to where I live, and the aprons are really cute.
Chandler: Can we start over?
Ursula: Yeah, okay, great. I'm gonna be over here.
Chandler: No, no.