Monica: All right, not that this matters, but did they at least offer you a huge raise?
Chandler: No. But they are going to lease us a Ford Focus.

Monica: I think it's a good idea to find out if everything's okay. Just a few routine tests.
Chandler: But I don't want to do it in a cup.
Monica: What is the big deal?
Chandler: It's weird. You're in a doctor's office.
Monica: It's not okay to do it in a doctor's office but it is okay to do it in a parked car behind a Taco Bell?
Chandler: I cannot believe Ross told you that. And in my defense, it was a Wendy's.

Chandler: Must be a virus. I think it erased your hard drive.
Ross: What? Oh, my God. What did you do?
Chandler: Someone I don't know sent me an e-mail and I opened it.
Ross: Why? Why would you open it?
Chandler: Well, it didn't say, "This is a virus."
Ross: What did it say?
Chandler: "Nude" ... "Pictures of Anna Kournikova."

Monica: Honey, they have Ping-Pong. Let's play.
Chandler: I don't think so.
Monica: Why not?
Chandler: Because you know how competitive you get. And while I say it's cute, others disagree, and I'm lying.

Mike: Oh, by the way, I'm awesome.
Chandler: Oh, dear God, there's two of them.

Chandler: Rach, Rach? Knock-knock.
Rachel: Who's there?
Chandler: I'll tell you at the wedding.

Phoebe: Wait, wait. Get your coat. Get your coat.
Ross: My coat.
Joey: This is so cool!
Chandler: I have no idea what's going on, but I am excited!