Vanessa: Oh, I had to check with you. I was going over my receipts, and my register keeps coming up short about $40.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mom could have been the mayor of Detroit.
Rochelle: Oh... I meant to tell you about that.
Vanessa: About what?
Rochelle: Um, you know Miss Tallulah?
Vanessa: Yeah. What about her?
Rochelle: Well, she was unhappy with her hair color, so she seemed pretty upset, so I just gave her a refund.
Vanessa: Refund? What'd you do that for? I have a strict no-refund policy, you know that.
Rochelle: Well, Vanessa, she put a hex on me. A mojo!
Vanessa: A mojo? You let that woman come in and scam you for $40 because she threatened you with a mojo? She's been doing that ever since she came in, 'Chelle. She's crazy! She's the reason I put the sign up there. Oh, ooh, I got to watch TV when I eat.

Tonya: So is Richard still cheating?
Vanessa: Is the Pope still Catholic?
Pam: Vanessa!
Vanessa: Oh, I'm sorry, it's a reflex.

Pam: Girl, little Tasha who just moved in?
Vanessa: That's right. You know what else I heard? I heard she and Chris were right outside on the street kissing.
Pam: Ooh, girl, was it tongue kissing?
Rochelle: Right down to the throat.
Pam: Ooh, I didn't know she was like that.
Vanessa: You wasn't supposed to know.
Pam: Hmm.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Meanwhile, my mother celebrated her anniversary the way my father dreamed it... with Vanessa.|
Rochelle: Ooh, it's about to start.
Vanessa: Okay, ooh, ooh.
[Vanessa punches a performer dressed as a dog who sneaks up on her and barks]
Vanessa: Ooh! Damn it!
Rochelle: Vanessa!
Vanessa: I know, I know...
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And that's why Black people hate Broadway.
Vanessa: What y'all looking at?

Vanessa: Girl, don't tell me, that's your daughter?
Rochelle: Mm, sure is. Isn't she beautiful?
Pam: Yeah, she's big, huh?
Vanessa: Ooh, she sure is. Pretty soon she'll be old enough to date Richard.
Rochelle: Oh, do not tell me his old ass is still chasing after young girls.
Pam: Girl, I thought you knew.
Vanessa: They're the only ones dumb enough not to run when they see him coming. He old, he broke. He need a fool.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] There's one thing that you get at the beauty shop that you don't have to pay for: good gossip.

Vanessa: I can't believe she repeated all that to Julius.
Rochelle: I didn't even know she was listening. She barely listens to a word I say.
Pam: Rochelle, I am so sorry.
Vanessa: Me, too. From now on, we watch what we say in front of her.
Rochelle: [sighs] Let me go pay half down on our light bill before they close. She'll be okay, though, right?
Pam: Oh, go ahead, she'll be fine.
Vanessa: We'll watch Lil' Miss Nosy for you. [all laugh]

Adult Chris: [v.o.] The toughest part about getting a block watch was finding people who had stuff worth watching.
White Cop: All right, now, the most important part of the Block Watch program is... communication. So if you see anything, you have to file a report. Without information, not a lot your local police can do.
Rochelle: Okay, well, what type of information?
Louise Clarkson: Like if you see somebody stealing my couch, tell me.
Vanessa: Excuse me?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Translation: "What you say, heifer?"

Pam: So are you gonna ask him about it?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] What would she do that for?
Vanessa: Uh-uh-uh. Don't you ask him nothing. Just wait. See what he does. You've got to be surreptitious... If he is waiting on that credit card, give him a couple of days. He'll start looking for it.

Rochelle: Well, what would make him think that you would want go out with him?
Vanessa: Because I said "yes." And you know I never turn down a free meal. And I think he's kinda sweet.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Just like diabetes.
Vanessa: And besides, you never know where you might find love.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] In the arms of a bum.
Rochelle: Mm!
Vanessa: What do you mean, "Mm!"?
Rochelle: I just don't think it's a good idea. That's all.
Vanessa: Mm-mm. It's just dinner. You act like the man is moving in.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Keep an eye on your keys.
Rochelle: I'm just saying, every time you go on a bad date, I end up with a bad perm.
Vanessa: Don't worry, your hair's going to be just fine.

Hattie Mitchell: Oh, can I help you?
Rochelle: Yes. I'm looking for a church hat for Easter.
Vanessa: Not just a church hat. She needs the churchiest hat you've got.
Hattie Mitchell: Uh-oh, sounds like somebody's getting into a hat competition.
Vanessa: Oh, no, she's not getting into the competition. She is the competition. Rochelle is the three-time winner of the Double Rock on Zion's Holy Gospel Temple of Bethesda Christian Worship Baptist Church Easter Hat Show. Uh-huh. She's about to make it number four. Hello.