Frankie: Axl, is there a difference between a chat room and a message board?
Axl: Yeah. One's for losers, and one's for total losers.
Sean: Actually, Mrs. Heck, a chat room is like a conversation with a person, like we're having right now, and a message board is just a place for you to post your thoughts.
Frankie: Thank you, Sean. And would you mind staying and being my son?

Sean: Surprise! I'm here to take you to prom!
Sue: What?
Sean: Yeah, my mom was talking to your mom, and she was saying how no one had asked you to prom yet and how crazy that was. So my mom said, "It might be nice if you'd take her," and I said, "Are you kidding me? I'd do anything for Susie Q!" You're like family.
Sue: Oh! Wow, Sean. That is so incredibly nice! Actually, the funny thing is...
Sean: Yeah, my car broke down twice on the way down here from Notre Dame, but I got it fixed. And I had to ask a professor to move a big test, and I'm missing my fraternity photo, but I said, "I don't care. I'm takin' Sue to her prom." So, here I am.
Sue: Well, great! Yay!
Sean: Yeah!
Sue: Fun!

Sean: Hello, Mr. Heck. I'm here to help.
Mike: Well, we need a lot of help. What, uh, kind of help are you talking about?
Sean: With the freezer. Axl called and said you needed a hand and that he's got something going on this weekend, so you get me.
Mike: What? [chuckling] No, no, no. Axl's moving the freezer.
Sean: It's not a problem. I'm in town anyway helping my Nana vacuum-pack her winter sweaters and take them up to the attic. Besides, you're like a second dad to me. I'd do anything for you.
Mike: Well, I'm Axl's first dad, and I need my first son to get his lazy butt home to help out.
Sean: Mr. Heck, have I done something to upset you? Was it 'cause of that time you were out of town for a few days and I came over and mowed your lawn without asking?
Mike: No. Sean, you're great. A little messy around the bushes, but feel free to mow again in the future. You're not the problem here. It's somebody else. [Doris whining]
Sean: I'm sorry, Doris. I can't take you back to my house. This is your home now. [Doris howling]
Mike: Sean, just go.

Sean: Sorry, Axl. I'm just not into the whole deception thing. I'm gonna go do some hot yoga and meditate. They say when you sweat, a lot of real truths come out.
Axl: Wow, I just want to punch you so bad.
Sean: I understand, man.

Sue: Who gave you a key?
Axl: I had one made. You can pay me back later. I brought someone here to see you.
Sean: Hey, there, Suzy Q.
Sue: Oh, Sean! Aah! What are you doing here?
Sean: Well, I had an interview at IU for med school. I just thought I'd drop in and see my favorite Hecks. Don't tell the rest of your family I said that. I love all you guys.
Sue: Aww.

Sue: Oh, sorry. Uh... Lexie, this is Sean Donahue. Sean, this is my roommate Lexie.
Lexie: Donahue... Wait. I know that name. Your mom sends Sue those care packages. Tell her her scones are amazing.
Sean: Yeah, yeah, she'll tell you it's the love, but it's really the five pounds of butter.

Sue: Uh, how's it going?
Sean: Great. Got to watch them restart a guy's heart this morning, then I went to class. Ha! Med school humor. [chuckles] Um, I know another one that's funnier, but it's kind of dirty. I don't feel comfortable telling it.
Sue: Sorry. It's not you. We're just down. It's a long story. We sublet our apartment to Derek and Andy, and they sub-sublet it to this guy who turned out to be my professor, so we can't kick him out and he won't leave, so we've been sleeping in our cars.
Lexie: When people say, "It's a long story," they don't usually tell the long story.
Sue: It's also brought out a pretty mean side of Lexie.
Sean: Wait, wait, wait, wait. That is just not acceptable. We're gonna get this straightened out right now.
Brad: I was gonna offer to do a dance fight, but it seems like Sean's got a handle on it.

Professor Beckett: Come in. Who are you?
Sean: Hello, sir. Sean Donahue. I just wanted to welcome you to our fair state. I heard you just moved here.
Professor Beckett: Uh, what's up? I'm busy.
Sean: Well, I hear there's been a slight snafu. See, this is their apartment, and you aren't supposed to be here.
Lexie: Yeah!
Professor Beckett: [sighs] And how does this involve you?
Sean: I'm the guy who's gonna fix this.
Sue: Yeah.
Professor Beckett: Well, there's nothing to fix. I've got a contract, and I'm not going anywhere.
Sean: Okay. Fair enough. Although, I'm just wondering if the East Indiana administration would take kindly to knowing that one of their professors was living with one of his students.
Professor Beckett: I'm not.
Sean: Aren't you? Sue's stuff is here. Your stuff is here. Look, if you're not worried about your reputation, then great. I just know the academic world is small, and it's all about optics these days, am I right? [chuckles]
Professor Beckett: [sighs] Well, it's gonna take me a while to pack my stuff.
Sean: Well, I'd be more than happy to help. [Sue squeals]

Sean: So, then my attending says, "Donahue, it's a cadaver. You can dispense with the pleasantries." [Sue laughs] I'm sorry. I'm a polite guy. I was taught to introduce myself. And here I am bragging about how polite I am, and I'm talking about cadavers while we eat.
Sue: Oh, please. I sit next to Axl at the dinner table. I can eat through anything. [both laugh]

Sean: [chuckles] Bear with me, Mrs. Perkins. I'm just a first year. Bet you wish you went with a better insurance plan now.
Mrs. Perkins: [laughs] You're so cute. I could sit here all day. Are you taken? I have a whole wallet full of granddaughters.
Sean: Well, actually, I went on a date last night which... it was fine. She checked all the boxes, but... I don't know. I mean... My friend Sue set me up.
Mrs. Perkins: Mm-hmm.
Sean: And... the funny thing is I would've rather gone on a date with her.
Mrs. Perkins: Mm-hmm. So, you're smitten with Sue, huh?
Sean: Yeah, she's pretty special. And now I'm supposed to set her up with one of my friends, but the more I keep thinking about it, am I really gonna let some other guy show up and take the girl I like out on a date?
Mrs. Perkins: No way, you're not.
Sean: Yeah. So what if it was me?
Mrs. Perkins: Ooh.
Sean: What if when Sue Heck opens her door tonight, it's Sean Donahue standing there? [Mrs. Perkins laugh] You know what? I'm gonna go for it!
Mrs. Perkins: Well, good for you. Now, let's take that can-do attitude and get me to crap.
Sean: Yes. Of course, yes.