Geoff: There is so much stuff in here. What's with all these notes from your mom?
Erica: She put one in my lunch every day like a crazy lady, and I just chuck them in here.
Geoff: "Dear Schmoo, I love you more today than I ever have before. I am here for you always."
Erica: Okay, that one's kind of sweet.
Geoff: "Dear Boopie, you're a perfect angel, and Drew Kremp doesn't deserve you. P.S. his Mustang now has some serious scratches"?
Erica: Holy crap. She's the one who keyed Drew's car?!
Geoff: "Dear Squishy, I know change is hard, but I promise you, sweetie, your boobies will grow just like the rest of you." Okay, maybe I shouldn't read all these.

Erica: Hey! Hi, I'm your roommate, apparently also Erica.
Other Erica: Like, hi. I totally fer sure call top bunk, mostly 'cause your dad already took the bottom.
Beverly: Oh, your roomie's a valley girl. Just like in that movie where everybody's rude and unlikable.
Erica: She'll be gone very soon. Anyway, it's nice to finally meet.
Other Erica: Fer sure.
Erica: Fer sure.
Other Erica: Fer sure.
Erica: Fer sure.
Other Erica: Fer sure.
Erica: Fer sure. Or whatever. I'm not mocking your people.

Pops: Uh-oh, I'm looking at some pretty shady stuff here, and I know shady.
Erica: Okay, I'm gonna let you in on a secret that's so gigantic that it could rock this family to its very core.
Pops: Maybe I shouldn't-
Erica: Here it is. I've never taught a swimming lesson in my entire life, I don't do Model U.N. or Meals on Wheels, and it feels so good to finally tell someone!
Pops: Wait, you scammed your mom? That's very risky. How has she not been at one of your swim lessons?
Erica: I specifically chose the YMCA pool 'cause she hates it. It's so humid, it makes her hair frizz. And the Model U.N. thingy? I swore I'd quit if she showed up, and she knows better than to call that bluff.

Barry: So, this was all a lie? You were just messing with me? How could you do this? You're my girlfriend.
I mean, do you really want to hurt me?
Erica: Oh, my God. It's happening.
Barry: Do you really want to make me cry?
Erica: He's saying it for real.

Erica: So, what? I ride Geoff around on a mower and he stops being lame for a few minutes?
Adam: Kind of missing the point, but yes.
Erica: Dad, I need your stupid mower!
Murray: Now you want to mow the grass? It's the middle of winter! It's about to snow!
Erica: It has nothing to do with mowing!
Murray: Then why do you need it?
Erica: It's a whole freaking thing! Just stop asking questions!
Murray: Oh, I'll ask questions, alright!
Erica: Dammit, I'm in college! I shouldn't even have to ask to use the stupid gardening equipment!
Murray: When I'm done soaking this toe, I'm going to go in the garage, and so help me, if that lawnmower's missing, it's curtains for you! Curtains!
Erica: Well, good luck catching me with that swollen Cheeto toe! [to Adam] Thanks for the love help. This is gonna go great.
Murray: Curtains!

Erica: Lexy Bloom's gonna love it.
Beverly: Lexy Bloom? Who's Lexy Bloom? I don't know any Lexy Bloom.
Erica: Just some girl that Barry's inviting to the homecoming dance.
Beverly: That's wonderful!
Erica: Yeah, and she's gonna crush him.
Beverly: Erica, why would you say something like that?
Erica: Well, because Lexy models for jcpenney, and Barry's the jolly green jackass.

Erica: I need you to listen to this fake argument about trickle-down economics in case mom asks me about the debate team.
Pops: You're writing speeches for a debate you're not a part of?
Erica: Yes, and we need to make it good.
Pops: No "we." Stop saying "we."
Erica: "Trickle-down economics is a pejorative term used by liberal-media hacks."

Erica: Oh, well, I've got news for you. California ain't far enough away. I'm going to Japan university. That's right. Good luck popping in on me there.
Beverly: Do you really think that'll stop me? I'll fly halfway around the planet just to see you every weekend if I have to.
Erica: Fine! Then I'll just colonize the moon and go to college there!
Beverly: Then I'll get on a rocket every weekend just so I can give you a hug.
Erica: You can't do that!
Beverly: Oh, I can. And I will bring you Tang and I'll iron your space suit and I'll take your alien roommates to Bennigans!
Erica: I hate that you love me so much!

Dave Kim: 'sup, Erica. I didn't know you'd be here.
Erica: Okay, get your body away from me, Dave Kim.

Erica: [Sobbing uncontrollably]
Beverly: Boopie, what's wrong? What is it? Come, sit. Tell mama.
Erica: [Whimpering and whining]
Beverly: What are you saying?
Erica: [Whining]
Murray: Are you physically hurt? Did someone drop something on you?
Erica: And then and then and then-
Beverly: I can't understand you.