Erica: Hey! Hi, I'm your roommate, apparently also Erica.
Other Erica: Like, hi. I totally fer sure call top bunk, mostly 'cause your dad already took the bottom.
Beverly: Oh, your roomie's a valley girl. Just like in that movie where everybody's rude and unlikable.
Erica: She'll be gone very soon. Anyway, it's nice to finally meet.
Other Erica: Fer sure.
Erica: Fer sure.
Other Erica: Fer sure.
Erica: Fer sure.
Other Erica: Fer sure.
Erica: Fer sure. Or whatever. I'm not mocking your people.

Murray: Okay, morons. We're only gonna be gone for three days. Try and be alive when we get back.
Erica: All right, that's everything.
Murray: Whoa, what's all this stuff? When I went to college, all I brought were some flip-flops and a cookie.

Beverly: I can't believe we're already moving you into college. It seems like only yesterday, I was trying to get your preschool teacher fired for letting you smell those toxic markers.

Beverly: Hello. By any chance, are you Erica Goldberg's R.A.?
Srini: Yes. I'm Srini. You must be Erica's mother. Don't worry. Your daughter's in great hands.
Beverly: Ah, that is so good to hear. Now shut your [bleep] mouth and do everything I'm about to tell you.
Srini: Oh, dear.
Beverly: You might be the other kid's R.A., but when it comes to my little pickle, you're me. It's your job to see that she's fed, well-rested, and regular.
Srini: Actually, I'm pretty sure my job is to hand out pamphlets and make sure no one's being loud after 10:00.
Beverly: Not anymore. Here's a variety of medicines to help with Erica's allergies and sour tummy. Now, if flu season comes early this year, how's your chicken soup game?
Srini: Soup's really not my area. I'm more of a resident advisor.
Beverly: You have a freezer in your mini-fridge. Keep this in there in case of emergencies.
Srini: I can take out the tiny little ice tray, but I'm still not sure that would fit.
Beverly: You have given me zero confidence that you are up for this important task.
Srini: I agree. I'm not up to it.

Beverly: Aw. This is so great. You two are gonna be best friends for the rest of your- Oh, no! Is that a hot plate? That has got to go. You're gonna burn the place down. You know, that's how Buddy Holly died.
Murray: Bevy, Buddy Holly died in a plane crash.
Beverly: We don't know there wasn't a hot plate on that plane.
Erica: She'll be gone soon, Erica. Just hang in there.
Other Erica: She's totally a barf bag, but I'll manage.
Erica: I was actually talking to myself.
Other Erica: Sorry I called your mom a barf bag.
Erica: No, no. Your instincts are good.

Erica: Hey, weirdos. I'm leaving for college in 30 minutes, and I need my bras.
Adam: Ew! I put it on my head! You told me these belonged to your grandma. Which is not much better now that I saw it out loud.
Erica: Okay, I'm off to college. Adam, I'll miss you. Dave Kim, the opposite.

Beverly: Hold on, Shmoo. There is one thing you forgot. Time to give Mama all the kisses.
Erica: Oh, come on, dude.
Beverly: Really? It's what we've done every first-day of school since kindergarten. Now, give me all the kisses so I can store 'em away for a rainy day like little love-acorns.
Erica: No, I don't even remember how to do it.
Beverly: Easy. Eskimo kiss, butterfly kiss, cheek kiss, cheek kiss, and one last kiss for your palm to ball up and stick in your heart.
Erica: Gotcha. Well I am gonna put this in my bag for later.
Beverly: Don't put my kiss in your dark duffel bag. Take it out and put it in your heart. Stick my kiss in your heart.
Erica: I don't want the kiss, Mom. Okay, okay. Stop. I will take your precious kiss out of the dark bag and put it in my heart. Fake out. It's gone.
Beverly: No! I caught it, and I'm throwing it back to you.
Erica: No, take it back.
Beverly: You take it.
Erica: Take this kiss, Mom.
Beverly: You keep it.
Erica: I'm not going to college with a kiss.
Beverly: You're killing me.
Erica: Quit it.
Beverly: I don't want it!

Barry: Prepare yourselves, ladies. The impossible is now possible. Barry Goldberg is on the open market.
Girl: Um, what is this?
Barry: Your destiny. So, who amongst you is ready to battle in a Thunderdome-like cage match for my affection?

Barry: Huge news, baby brother. My senior year of awesome begins now. I've got a three-part plan to achieve legendary status.
Adam: "Step 1, lock down a new girlfriend way hotter and smarter than Lainey."
Barry: I'm realistic, which is why I've allotted 48 hours for her to find me. It's in her court now.
Adam: "Step 2, become starting varsity power forward"? Weren't you kicked off the basketball team in 7th grade?
Barry: Well, Coach McCoy said I could join the team after I learned how to pass. But he died, so the ball-hog's back. Next?
Adam: Wait. Step 3 is me. What does that even mean?
Barry: I've penciled you in for a daily display of dominance and humiliation to boost my visibility in front of the more popular, meaner kids.
Adam: It's so detailed. Purple nurples, dead arms, swirlies, butt hat.

Adam: Without Lainey around, Barry's gonna concentrate all his horrible energy on me.
Jackie: Well, there's only one thing left to do: find him a new girlfriend. Let me help.
Adam: Don't. He has a wildly unrealistic view of his general appeal.
Jackie: Lainey fell for him, right?
Adam: She was a unicorn. There's no way we'll ever find someone so blind to Barry's idiocy ever again.