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40Quotes from ‘Weird Science’

The Goldbergs: Weird Science

501. Weird Science

Aired September 27, 2017

Beverly has trouble letting go when she and Murray drop Erica off at college. Meanwhile, Adam tries to help Barry get over Lainey.

Quote from Erica

Erica: Hey! Hi, I'm your roommate, apparently also Erica.
Other Erica: Like, hi. I totally fer sure call top bunk, mostly 'cause your dad already took the bottom.
Beverly: Oh, your roomie's a valley girl. Just like in that movie where everybody's rude and unlikable.
Erica: She'll be gone very soon. Anyway, it's nice to finally meet.
Other Erica: Fer sure.
Erica: Fer sure.
Other Erica: Fer sure.
Erica: Fer sure.
Other Erica: Fer sure.
Erica: Fer sure. Or whatever. I'm not mocking your people.

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Quote from Murray

Murray: Okay, morons. We're only gonna be gone for three days. Try and be alive when we get back.
Erica: All right, that's everything.
Murray: Whoa, what's all this stuff? When I went to college, all I brought were some flip-flops and a cookie.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: I can't believe we're already moving you into college. It seems like only yesterday, I was trying to get your preschool teacher fired for letting you smell those toxic markers.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Hello. By any chance, are you Erica Goldberg's R.A.?
Srini: Yes. I'm Srini. You must be Erica's mother. Don't worry. Your daughter's in great hands.
Beverly: Ah, that is so good to hear. Now shut your [bleep] mouth and do everything I'm about to tell you.
Srini: Oh, dear.
Beverly: You might be the other kid's R.A., but when it comes to my little pickle, you're me. It's your job to see that she's fed, well-rested, and regular.
Srini: Actually, I'm pretty sure my job is to hand out pamphlets and make sure no one's being loud after 10:00.
Beverly: Not anymore. Here's a variety of medicines to help with Erica's allergies and sour tummy. Now, if flu season comes early this year, how's your chicken soup game?
Srini: Soup's really not my area. I'm more of a resident advisor.
Beverly: You have a freezer in your mini-fridge. Keep this in there in case of emergencies.
Srini: I can take out the tiny little ice tray, but I'm still not sure that would fit.
Beverly: You have given me zero confidence that you are up for this important task.
Srini: I agree. I'm not up to it.

Quote from Erica

Beverly: Aw. This is so great. You two are gonna be best friends for the rest of your- Oh, no! Is that a hot plate? That has got to go. You're gonna burn the place down. You know, that's how Buddy Holly died.
Murray: Bevy, Buddy Holly died in a plane crash.
Beverly: We don't know there wasn't a hot plate on that plane.
Erica: She'll be gone soon, Erica. Just hang in there.
Other Erica: She's totally a barf bag, but I'll manage.
Erica: I was actually talking to myself.
Other Erica: Sorry I called your mom a barf bag.
Erica: No, no. Your instincts are good.

Quote from Erica

Erica: Hey, weirdos. I'm leaving for college in 30 minutes, and I need my bras.
Adam: Ew! I put it on my head! You told me these belonged to your grandma. Which is not much better now that I saw it out loud.
Erica: Okay, I'm off to college. Adam, I'll miss you. Dave Kim, the opposite.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Hold on, Shmoo. There is one thing you forgot. Time to give Mama all the kisses.
Erica: Oh, come on, dude.
Beverly: Really? It's what we've done every first-day of school since kindergarten. Now, give me all the kisses so I can store 'em away for a rainy day like little love-acorns.
Erica: No, I don't even remember how to do it.
Beverly: Easy. Eskimo kiss, butterfly kiss, cheek kiss, cheek kiss, and one last kiss for your palm to ball up and stick in your heart.
Erica: Gotcha. Well I am gonna put this in my bag for later.
Beverly: Don't put my kiss in your dark duffel bag. Take it out and put it in your heart. Stick my kiss in your heart.
Erica: I don't want the kiss, Mom. Okay, okay. Stop. I will take your precious kiss out of the dark bag and put it in my heart. Fake out. It's gone.
Beverly: No! I caught it, and I'm throwing it back to you.
Erica: No, take it back.
Beverly: You take it.
Erica: Take this kiss, Mom.
Beverly: You keep it.
Erica: I'm not going to college with a kiss.
Beverly: You're killing me.
Erica: Quit it.
Beverly: I don't want it!

Quote from Barry

Barry: Prepare yourselves, ladies. The impossible is now possible. Barry Goldberg is on the open market.
Girl: Um, what is this?
Barry: Your destiny. So, who amongst you is ready to battle in a Thunderdome-like cage match for my affection?

Quote from Barry

Barry: Huge news, baby brother. My senior year of awesome begins now. I've got a three-part plan to achieve legendary status.
Adam: "Step 1, lock down a new girlfriend way hotter and smarter than Lainey."
Barry: I'm realistic, which is why I've allotted 48 hours for her to find me. It's in her court now.
Adam: "Step 2, become starting varsity power forward"? Weren't you kicked off the basketball team in 7th grade?
Barry: Well, Coach McCoy said I could join the team after I learned how to pass. But he died, so the ball-hog's back. Next?
Adam: Wait. Step 3 is me. What does that even mean?
Barry: I've penciled you in for a daily display of dominance and humiliation to boost my visibility in front of the more popular, meaner kids.
Adam: It's so detailed. Purple nurples, dead arms, swirlies, butt hat.

Quote from Adam

Adam: Without Lainey around, Barry's gonna concentrate all his horrible energy on me.
Jackie: Well, there's only one thing left to do: find him a new girlfriend. Let me help.
Adam: Don't. He has a wildly unrealistic view of his general appeal.
Jackie: Lainey fell for him, right?
Adam: She was a unicorn. There's no way we'll ever find someone so blind to Barry's idiocy ever again.

Quote from Erica

Beverly: Ta-da!
Erica: This seems concerning.
Beverly: I made it look just like your old bedroom so you wouldn't get homesick. Oh, I even brought Donnie, your favorite new boy in the neighborhood.
Erica: He's a New Kid on the Block, he doesn't belong here, and neither do you.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Oh, I can't leave now. It's dark outside.
Erica: So?
Beverly: So, I have horrible night vision and can't get behind the wheel.
Erica: You have a perfectly good bed back at your motel. You need to get in the car and go.
Beverly: And miss a turn and hit a semi and flip the car and end up pinned under the steering wheel while the station wagon burns around me? Is that what you want for your mother?

Quote from Barry

Adam: Too bad, 'cause my plan was to "Weird Science" you up a hot girl.
Barry: Dude, a computer can't really do that.
Adam: It can do anything. Did you know a computer just defeated the world's greatest chess champion?
Barry: In chess?
Adam: Yes!
Barry: No! Why wasn't I told?! Stupid Dan Rather!

Quote from Adam

Pops: What are my responsibilities here, again?
Adam: I needed bras, and you're the only guy I knew who could get them.

Quote from Barry

Barry: What the hell, man? You promised me a lady. I already spent a fortune on candles and erotic oils!

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Fine. I'll go. Right after brunch, and then we'll spend a few hours at the Smithsonian, and then to top it all off, you have to give mama all the kisses.
Erica: You can forget about getting all the kisses.
Beverly: Not even butterfly?
Erica: No!
Beverly: Surely, Eskimo kisses are still on the table.
Erica: You will never again experience the warm nose-love of our chilly, Native friends.
Beverly: That is literally the worst thing a daughter has ever said to a mother.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Carla? Are you insane? She's a loose cannon, and not the good kind like a vigilante cop who endlessly frustrates his commissioner.
Carla: It's true. The court-appointed psychiatrist gave up on me.
Barry: I didn't even know you liked me.
Carla: I don't. But he dated Lainey, and she's my rival, so I'm taking what's hers. Give me her address so I can send her photos of us in love.
Barry: No. I don't want this aggressive loony toon as my special lady.

Quote from Erica

Other Erica: That's a cute photo.
Erica: It was the first day of kindergarten. I was so scared, and she stayed with me the whole day.
Other Erica: That's a good mom.
Erica: Damn it, why do I miss her? Seriously, something's wrong with me.
Other Erica: I mean, yeah, your folks are weird and intrusive, but they were here. My parents were too busy to come.
Erica: And that's bad?
Other Erica: I didn't think it was until I saw your mother cared enough to bring your home right here. You're lucky.

Quote from Beverly

Erica: Listen, I know it's hard to say goodbye, which is why I'm giving you a very generous three hours to part ways. Cool?
Beverly: Not cool. I need 6 to 20.


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