Barry: Lainey's in love with another man?!
Erica: You're dating a girl way out of your league. It was bound to happen.
Barry: Who is it?! Tell me. I'll destroy him with my hands and feet.

Barry: So, this was all a lie? You were just messing with me? How could you do this? You're my girlfriend.
I mean, do you really want to hurt me?
Erica: Oh, my God. It's happening.
Barry: Do you really want to make me cry?
Erica: He's saying it for real.

Murray: You know, I used to think his was a lip wig, but he swims with it. That's the real deal!

Beverly: You know, the only reason he grew that mug rug is 'cause Bill pushed him into it. I'm telling you, the guy's a bad influence.
Pops: So, it's not the fakakte mustache you hate, it's Bill.
Beverly: Stop, I like Bill all right. Well, except for the way he dresses, drives, walks, talks, eats, thinks, laughs, and tilts his stupid bald head to the side when he's confused.

Lainey: Oh, my God! What did you tell him?
Erica: That you're in love with another boy - George.

Bill: You used to call the shots with Murray, but now you're just passing through Bill country.
Beverly: We'll see who calls the shots when I get him to shave off his mustache.
Bill: Don't you dare! He looks powerful and handsome, like a circus strong-man.
Beverly: Well, I think he looks like he's got [bleep] on his face.

Lainey: There has to be something I can do. Like Chuck Norris. Barry loves that dude. Maybe he can apologize for me. Chuck seems like an accessible guy, right?
Erica: Barry's written to Chuck a few times. I think that's a dead end.
Lainey: Maybe I can jump something to impress Barry, or body slam Adam, or challenge an animal to a fight. What's the name of that horse that Barry has a problem with?

Lainey: If embarrassing myself gets me one more kiss from his drooly, cheeto-dusted lips, I'm in.
Erica: (gipping) I'm sorry, I ca - I can't be with you right now. I just can't.

Erica: For $5,000, it's the title of a play.
Barry: Death of a salesmat.
Erica: Really? What's a salesmat?
Barry: How would I know? I'm not a salesmat salesman.
Lainey: Aww, so close, baby.

Beverly: And now that you two are best bros, you're not only important to him, you're important to me.
Bill: Thanks, Beverly. That means a lot.
Beverly: Which is why I've decided, out of the goodness of my heart and because I'm a decent person who cares deeply for my husband, to change you.
Bill: Wait. What?
Beverly: Bill, you don't have a woman in your life telling you all the things you do that are wrong and stupid. I will be that woman.
Bill: Actually, I really haven't missed that very much.