Pops: Uh-oh, I'm looking at some pretty shady stuff here, and I know shady.
Erica: Okay, I'm gonna let you in on a secret that's so gigantic that it could rock this family to its very core.
Pops: Maybe I shouldn't-
Erica: Here it is. I've never taught a swimming lesson in my entire life, I don't do Model U.N. or Meals on Wheels, and it feels so good to finally tell someone!
Pops: Wait, you scammed your mom? That's very risky. How has she not been at one of your swim lessons?
Erica: I specifically chose the YMCA pool 'cause she hates it. It's so humid, it makes her hair frizz. And the Model U.N. thingy? I swore I'd quit if she showed up, and she knows better than to call that bluff.

Beverly: You're not going to school in Hawaii. It's surrounded by sharks.

Erica: I need you to listen to this fake argument about trickle-down economics in case mom asks me about the debate team.
Pops: You're writing speeches for a debate you're not a part of?
Erica: Yes, and we need to make it good.
Pops: No "we." Stop saying "we."
Erica: "Trickle-down economics is a pejorative term used by liberal-media hacks."

Beverly: Oh, if it were your decision, you'd go to Hawaii University.
Barry: Uh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! They have a college in Hawaii? How did they get a school on an island? Oh, my! I got to check this out! Aloha!

Barry: Check it out, Hawaii University! It's real! And he said they accept Americans!
Beverly: He's kidding. Oh, class clown. Kids love him. Sense of humor it's such a commodity in today's economy.

Barry: Mom?
Beverly: Don't mind me. Soccer tryouts are this afternoon. You need that to protect your special spot.
Barry: I know what it's for. Just leave.

Beverly: Hello, Drexel. I'm Beverly Goldberg. This is Erica. I don't want to build her up too much, but she is literally the best student that ever has been or will be. Besides having a great personality, she gets good grades, does Meals on Wheels, Model U.N., and is a volunteer swim instructor at the Y.
Erica: For the love of God, stop talking! You're parading me around like a poodle, and it's embarrassing.
Beverly: Honey, I'm your mother. It is my job to strong-arm people into seeing how amazing you are.

Beverly: Well, Barry's busy, too. Um, he makes up rap songs. They call him Big Tasty. And he does karate and plays harmonica and basketball.
Betsy: Barry made Varsity?
Beverly: More like street ball. He plays in the street and in our driveway, which leads to the street.
Betsy: I'm not sure you can put that on a college resume.
Beverly: It's a gray area.

Adam: No! Temple of Doom is checked out! Some putz checked it out!
Murray: Just pick any movie. Look, Rhinestone. Rambo sings in it.
Adam: Does Rambo sing while ripping a man's heart out of his chest?
Murray: Doesn't say.

Clerk: You want to see a good film, kid, watch Bergman's The Seventh Seal or Devil's Manners that's my student film.
It's pretty much the quintessential-
Murray: No, thank you, and let's get going. Uh, we're in a big rush.
Clerk: Yeah, you have a movie out. Slap Shot. Overrated. If you ask, Paul Newman should not-
Murray: I did not ask you, and I know I returned that movie. Please check again.
Clerk: I didn't realize that my computer was Hal 9000 and it could change at will and blast us out the pod bay doors.
Murray: Nothing you say makes any sense.