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‘Lame Gretzy’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

The Goldbergs: Lame Gretzy

117. Lame Gretzy

Aired March 11, 2014

When Murray tries to get involved with Adam's hobbies, it doesn't work out well, so Adam sets out to improve his hockey skills. Meanwhile, Beverly drives Erica crazy when she fires her S.A.T. tutor and takes the job herself.

Quote from Beverly

Erica: You know, I thought a lot about what you said, and I decided that Penn is a great choice for me.
Beverly: Oh, it's happening. We're going to Penn!
Erica: I know! I'm so excited that I decided to get a head start on my essay for their application. Here it is.
Beverly: "I believe that the University of Pennsylvania "is the right school for me because of its torkulent history and diligord reputation." Oh, boy.

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Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Murray, I don't understand why you insist he plays. Adam, be careful on that ice. It's very slippery.
Murray: Why don't you just skate around with him all game and make sure he stays safe?
Beverly: I know you're joking, but I would do that if the situation presented itself.

Quote from Murray

Adam: Do you want to act in it?
Murray: Do I?
Adam: Awesome! Lie down on the bed, and whatever happens, don't move.
Murray: Lie down and don't move? What do you know, I've been an actor my whole life.

Quote from Pops

Erica: Don't stop. Keep going.
Beverly: Ah, I'd rather not.
Erica: Okay, Pops, would you mind?
Pops: "I feel that I could really benefit from being part of its cromtormulous student body and weepeggle faculty." Weepeggle? What the [beep]?

Quote from Pops

Erica: Keep reading.
Pops: "I would be bumgubbled to quarp a university that is so vernaciously proggle that even the most zeticent student could gobulate." Gobulate? Honest question when you wrote this, were you smoking a jazz cigarette?

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Oh, about that, I made up some new vocab cards for you to memorize. This should get you the extra points you need to get into Stanford.
Erica: Oh, thanks, Mom. "Scubulence, noun the process of removing scuba equipment from a boat." Weird word.
Beverly: Yeah, weird and real.

Quote from Erica

Erica: Oh, well, I've got news for you. California ain't far enough away. I'm going to Japan university. That's right. Good luck popping in on me there.
Beverly: Do you really think that'll stop me? I'll fly halfway around the planet just to see you every weekend if I have to.
Erica: Fine! Then I'll just colonize the moon and go to college there!
Beverly: Then I'll get on a rocket every weekend just so I can give you a hug.
Erica: You can't do that!
Beverly: Oh, I can. And I will bring you Tang and I'll iron your space suit and I'll take your alien roommates to Bennigans!
Erica: I hate that you love me so much!

Quote from Murray

Adam: Okay, here's the backstory. You're a space miner about to explore an alien vessel all by yourself.
Murray: By myself? An alien vessel? No, no, no, no. Let's just send in a dog or something.
Adam: A dog?
Murray: We'll give it a flashlight. Strap a camera on its back.
Adam: You're on a solo mission. There is no dog.
Murray: Only a moron would go on a ship by himself.
Adam: Well, you're going in there, so I guess you're a moron.
Pops: How are things going in here?
Adam: He's refusing to go on the alien ship.
Pops: Murray, just go in the damn ship.
Murray: Fine! I will go in the damn ship.
Adam: Good, 'cause now an alien attacks your face and implants an egg inside your belly.
Murray: Well, that's exactly the reason I didn't want to go in.

Quote from Murray

Pops: But maybe you should do something that Adam likes for a change.
Murray: But he likes space ships and dragons and video games. Did you know that the Mario brothers aren't even real? For three years, I thought they were the boys who lived across the street.

Quote from Erica

Beverly: But don't worry. I hired someone else. She'll be here momentarily.
Erica: What? What's happening?
Beverly: Surprise!
Erica: No!
Beverly: It's me! I'm your new tutor!
Erica: Stop doing what you're doing.

Quote from Adam

Adam: My costume is so uncomfortable.
Murray: It's a jersey, not a costume. Geez.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: There he is, my little ice angel. Remember our rule, the real winner is safety.

Quote from Barry

Adam: I'm Freddy Krueger! I'm gonna haunt your dreams, fool!
Murray: What's he doing?
Barry: Just ignore him. He'll wear himself out.

Quote from Adam

Adam: I call a do-over! That's a thing in sports, right?

Quote from Erica

Beverly: Okay, I don't want to make a big deal about this, but your entire life is literally riding on this one test.
Erica: You've made that very clear. Now stop hovering.

Quote from Beverly

(Beverly bangs pots together)
Erica: Aah! What the hell?
Beverly: This test is all about how you handle distraction. Focus your mind. Shut out the world.
Erica: Mom! I don't think there are going to be any explosions at the test center.
Beverly: You don't know that. It could be underneath a discotheque, or next to a fireworks factory, or in a bad part of South Philly, like where your gym teacher got arrested.

Quote from Beverly

Erica: You fired Wendy Woo?
Beverly: I fired Wendy Woo. She was happy, and kind, and patient. Ugh. Three terrible qualities in a tutor.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Erica, the fate of your college career rides on this one single test, and trust me, I know how important college is. The biggest regret of my life is dropping out to have you. Oh, that sounded awful. I am just gonna keep on talking until it fixes itself. Has it fixed itself?
Erica: No.
Beverly: I think it has.

Quote from Murray

Murray: I got news for you, Albert. I'm done with hockey. That's right. Adam spoiled the whole sport for me.
Pops: It happens. Sometimes the puck deflects off you and ricochets into your own goal.
Murray: No. He aimed. He shot. He scored. He danced!
Pops: I'm so sorry.

Quote from Murray

Pops: Why don't you just let the boy quit? He hates hockey.
Murray: For now. But when I force him to play against his will, he'll eventually become great. And then his bitterness towards me will turn into love. That, my friend, is what it means to be a dad.

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