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‘You're Not Invited’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

The Goldbergs: You're Not Invited

120. You're Not Invited

Aired April 8, 2014

Adam is looking forward to his first laser tag birthday party, but his plans change when Barry suggests he throw a make-out party in the basement so he can have his first kiss with Dana. On the night of the party, Erica turns into a full-on smother when she uncovers what's happening the basement. Erica tries to get Beverly to crash the party, but for once Beverly is trying to keep out of Adam's business. Meanwhile, Pops and Murray are excited to watch the opening of Al Capone's vault on TV, but Murray's happiness fades when Adam doesn't show any appreciation after Murray finally gives him a great gift for his birthday.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: But I can give you this. It's present time.
Adam: What the hell is a "Sleeping Angel Book"?
Beverly: I've been taking pictures of you sleeping once a month since you were born, my angel, and I made it into a book. If you flip through it, you can see how much your head has grown.

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Quote from Adam

Pops: There's the man I'm looking for. Happy birthday, kiddo.
Adam: Holy God. A digital Pac-Man watch?
Pops: You like it?
Adam: Uh, it's a video game on my wrist! I love it! Thanks, Pops. You are the greatest man I've ever know. Literally the greatest man.

Quote from Beverly

Adam: Why does it say "Sleeping Angel Part One"?
Beverly: You'll find out when you go to college.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Tonight you got to put on a full-on make-out party.
Adam: A laser tag make-out party? Logistically, how would that even work?
Barry: No laser tag! Just make-out party!
Adam: What am I? Scott Baio? I don't know how to throw a make-out party.
Barry: That's why you call ... beep bop beep beep bop boo ... Barry's make-out parties. How can I help you?
Adam: Can you tell my brother he's a giant putz?

Quote from Murray

Murray: Yeah, I went to the South Street Italian Market in honor of the opening of Al Capone's vault. Truly, it's the most exciting thing to happen to me in twenty years.
Pops: What about your kids?
Murray: They're not gonna be here.

Quote from Erica

Dave Kim: 'sup, Erica. I didn't know you'd be here.
Erica: Okay, get your body away from me, Dave Kim.

Quote from Erica

Erica: Are you kidding me? Spin the bottle, mood lighting, and velour? This isn't you.
Adam: Can we talk about this later? You're kind of giving off a mom vibe.
Erica: I am not mom! I will never be mom! Now, take these bagel bites and blow on them three times or they'll scald your little mouth. And get away from me, Dave Kim.

Quote from Beverly

Adam: We're playing laser tag tonight, people.
Beverly: I know, it's gonna be awesome. But you know what will make it more fun? Protective cornea goggles.

Quote from Adam

Adam: No. No way. Why the hell do I need to protect my corneas?

Quote from Adam

Beverly: Because Sue Nagelman's son lost his eye to a laser beam.
Adam: It wasn't a laser. It was a taser. And you don't talk back to cops.

Quote from Adam

Erica: It's safe, mom. Laser tag's for little kids.
Adam: For your information, there are many adults that enjoy playing laser tag. I admit, they look kind of weird waiting on that single-player bench, with their desperate eyes just staring at you. Whatever! It's fun for everyone.
Erica: But mostly for dorky little kids.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Well, I'll never be a fan of lasers, but my scrumptious, little snuggle monster gets whatever he wants on his birthday.
Adam: I want you to stop calling me snuggle monster.
Beverly: Can't give you that.

Quote from Adam

Adam: So, I'll see you at laser tag?
Dana: Yeah. I hope I'm on your team.
Adam: I'll see what I can do, but no guarantees. There's gonna be two captains. Could get complicated.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Pathetic dude.
Adam: Like you could do any better.
Barry: Hell yeah, I could. Big Tasty knows how to tame the booty with the beat.

Quote from Adam

Barry: You gotta kiss her, bro.
Adam: I know. The timing just hasn't been right. I was busy, she was busy. Her family went to Sarasota. I had that cold and that Spanish quiz.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Pheromones, bro. Ladies love it. And we'll light some incense, then we'll deck it out with sexy accessories, like Moroccan pillows, lava lamps, and bongo drums.

Quote from Barry

Barry: And we serve the sexiest foods.
Adam: Go on.
Barry: Oysters. Soft cheeses.
Adam: Go on.
Barry: And onion dip. Nothing crunchy. Know why? Crunchy isn't sexy.
Adam: Wait, how do you eat onion dip if you don't have anything sexy?
Barry: Spoons! Spoons are sexy.
Adam: You obviously know what you're talking about.

Quote from Barry

Barry: And you got to wear something seductive, so go to the mall and buy the first velour clothing you see. That's the sexiest of all fabrics.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Adam's got a thing tonight.
Pops: A thing? It's his birthday party. Tell me at least you remembered it this year.
Murray: Ah, it's not whether or not I remembered. It's whether he thinks I remembered.
Adam: I don't think you remembered.

Quote from Murray

Pops: What was all that about? Did you not give him a gift?
Murray: It's not whether I got him a gift. It's whether he thinks I got him a gift.
Adam: I don't!

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