Geoff: There is so much stuff in here. What's with all these notes from your mom?
Erica: She put one in my lunch every day like a crazy lady, and I just chuck them in here.
Geoff: "Dear Schmoo, I love you more today than I ever have before. I am here for you always."
Erica: Okay, that one's kind of sweet.
Geoff: "Dear Boopie, you're a perfect angel, and Drew Kremp doesn't deserve you. P.S. his Mustang now has some serious scratches"?
Erica: Holy crap. She's the one who keyed Drew's car?!
Geoff: "Dear Squishy, I know change is hard, but I promise you, sweetie, your boobies will grow just like the rest of you." Okay, maybe I shouldn't read all these.

Erica: This is exactly why I can't wait to leave this house and never come back.
Beverly: Oh, poop. We both know you're gonna miss my cuddles and snuggies and plubbies next year.
Erica: I'm sorry. "Plubbies"?
Beverly: It's something I've been workshopping, and I think it's ready to go. [chuckles] Guard your belly button.

Erica: Mom, face it. Our family is changing. Everything that you've come to know over the past few years is about to be turned on its head.
Beverly: Don't say that! The Goldbergs will always stay the same. Nothing will ever change in this house.
Barry: Nothing except Lainey leaving for fashion school and basically taking a dump on my dreams.
Beverly: Okay, fine. I acknowledge that's also big. Erica and Lainey are going to college. But that's it. No more changes.
Adam: Hey, Ma, can you pick up some Bic razors? Mine's a little dull from scraping the old scruff.
Beverly: No! Bad boy! You do not shave!
Adam: I gotta. My old lady, Jackie, likes me smooth.
Beverly: But I'm your old lady.
Adam: You know, saying that kind of stuff was cute when I was a tiny child, but now it's getting weird.
Beverly: Fine. Erica and Lainey are leaving. My little baby boy has grown into a gangly, deep-voiced, furry young man. But that's it no more changes.

Barry: Damn it! Why do you insist on ripping my heart from my shredded pecs and punting it into a cauldron of flames?
Lainey: Look, we only have a few months left before I go to college. Let's not waste it fighting.
Barry: But I want our Barry/Lainey Summer of Love Farewell Tour to be perfect.
Lainey: And I want that, too, but this list of mandatory activities is just too much. I mean, come on. Look at this: Road trips, picnics, concerts, skiing, apple picking, berry picking, pear picking. So many fruits. I don't want to work this hard.

Beverly: Screw it! I give up. Nothing will ever be the same again in this house.
Murray: I'm home. Nobody bother me. TV's mine.
Beverly: Never change, you beautiful, miserable man!

Erica: Okay, I'm all packed for college. Now all I need is to befriend my R.A. so that I can throw a kegger without consequences.
Beverly: [chuckles] Well, you're three months early. You haven't even graduated high school yet.
Erica: I may have jumped the gun a bit, but it's only because I'm counting down the hours until I get out of this hellhole. You get it.

Beverly: Well, I still have three months left where you're my little baby schmoo that I want to gobble up because you're just so delicious! Nyum, nyum, nyum, - nyum, nyum, nyum, nyum!
Erica: Aww. Your mom-brain is fighting this. It's funny.
Beverly: There's nothing funny about losing a child. To college.

Adam: I don't want to overstate it, but "Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment" is literally the most important movie of our time.
Jackie: Sure, it's a critical darling, but if we're talking about laughs per minute, then you got to go with "Police Academy 3: Back in Training."
Adam: Point taken. Hey, do you have time to stay and watch "Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol"?
Jackie: Obviously. "Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach" comes out tomorrow, and we can't go in unprepared.
Adam: Oh, my God! I have a girlfriend who actually likes "Police Academy"!
Jackie: You just called me your girlfriend.
Adam: Oh, balls. Did I go I went too far. I went too far.
Jackie: I mean, no. You said it, so I'll say it, too.

Beverly: Erica and Geoff. So funny running into you here.
Erica: Damn it. She's got the chalkboard!
Geoff: Oh, no. I'm upset, but why?
Erica: That thing only comes out when someone wants something dumb that only makes sense with a visual aid.

Beverly: Hey, there's nothing dumb about my Cuddle Calendar.
Erica: Oh, God, it's got a catchy, but terrible name. Run, Geoff. Shield your innocent eyes. Go, go, go.
Geoff: I can't. The board's blocking us. We're trapped.
Beverly: According to my calculations, you have 63 days left before you leave this house and break my heart, litelly killing me dead, which is why I made this schedule. To maximize mommy-daughter time.
Erica: Okay, according to this ridiculous calendar, I'm spending every waking second with you. When do I hang out with Geoff?
Beverly: Well, you see that little sliver? Right there is a little sliver. Well, maybe you don't see it, but it says "G.S."