Amy: It's obviously toothbrushes.
Jonah: Or is it teethbrush? Like attorneys general?

Emily Deschanel: [on tape] "Who Run the World? Me" by Kira Moon. Read by Emily Deschanel.
Marcus: [sighs]
Sandra: I could listen to that lady read the phone book.
Emily Deschanel: I had nothing but a seed loan from my father...

Amy: Here, look.
Dina: Huh. Oh, that does kinda look like me.
Amy: Yeah, and you can change the facial expressions.
Dina: Whoa, I can change my race.
Amy: Yes, but you shouldn't. That's...
Dina: See, I knew it. People are always telling me I'd be a beautiful Indian woman.
Amy: You should really change that back, Dina. Who... Who... Who says that?

Sandra: So by that logic, it wouldn't be a box of toothpicks, it would be a box of teeth-pick?
Jonah: No, no, because well... [stammers] Yeah, maybe.

Sandra: Guys. Something crazy is happening. There are men in black suits swarming the parking lot, saying things like, "Quantico, this is Daniels" and "Uncle Phil is on the move, I repeat, Uncle Phil is on the move."
Jonah: Wow, that is too crazy.
Sandra: The only question is, who is Uncle Phil? Probably someone that looks like Uncle Phil.
Garrett: It's me! I look like Uncle Phil!

Garrett: You're always starting stuff! "Hey, Garrett, let's Google how to murder somebody." Well, you happy now? What's next? "Hey, Garrett, let's tell Zephra to email the police and tell them I just planted a bomb in the store!" [cell phone chimes]
Female Voice: [on phone] E-mailing local police. "I just planted a bomb in the store."
Jonah: Oh.
Female Voice: [on phone] Would you like to send?
Sandra: Yes.
Jonah: What?
Garrett: No!
Female Voice: [on phone] Okay, I've sent your email.
Garrett: Why?!
Sandra: I just always say yes.

Amy: For anyone who hasn't already downloaded the Zephra employee app, you need to. There's a bunch of cool features. For one, you get points for helping customers...
Mateo: Ooh, I want points.
Cheyenne: Ooh, me too.
Jonah: What do points do?
Mateo: Looks like ten points get you a badge, and ten badges get you a banner.
Cheyenne: Ooh.
Jonah: And what do banners get you?
Mateo: I don't know, Jonah, the moon. God, ten times a day with this guy. "What do banners get you?"

Amy: Also there's a product locator, an inventory map, and, uh, oh... Your Z-Shelf comes with the CEO's autobiography and an audio version read by Emily Deschanel from Bones.
Marcus: Love her.
Sandra: I'm a total Bones-head.

Glenn: What if someone already bought those, but without a warning? 'Cause I just sold six 24-packs to a teenager.
Amy: A teenager bought 144 cans of chafing fuel, and you didn't think that was suspicious?
Glenn: I thought it was incredibly suspicious! That's why I remembered.

Sandra: I linked the app to my Facebook and checking accounts. I got the Super Sharer badge.
Garrett: You hate this, don't you?
Jonah: I just don't love handing giant corporations a way to get my address, my contacts, and all of my passwords.
Glenn: I already gave all of that up to figure out which cat from Cats I am. Macavity, the magical one.