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Employee App

‘Employee App’

Season 5, Episode 16 -  Aired February 20, 2020

After the Cloud 9 employees are forced to install the Zephra app on their phones, Jonah is worried about corporate surveilance. Meanwhile, Amy is innundated with texts from Dina on the company app.

Quote from Jonah

Amy: It's obviously toothbrushes.
Jonah: Or is it teethbrush? Like attorneys general?


Quote from Sandra

Emily Deschanel: [on tape] "Who Run the World? Me" by Kira Moon. Read by Emily Deschanel.
Marcus: [sighs]
Sandra: I could listen to that lady read the phone book.
Emily Deschanel: I had nothing but a seed loan from my father...

Quote from Dina

Amy: Here, look.
Dina: Huh. Oh, that does kinda look like me.
Amy: Yeah, and you can change the facial expressions.
Dina: Whoa, I can change my race.
Amy: Yes, but you shouldn't. That's...
Dina: See, I knew it. People are always telling me I'd be a beautiful Indian woman.
Amy: You should really change that back, Dina. Who... Who... Who says that?

Quote from Jonah

Sandra: So by that logic, it wouldn't be a box of toothpicks, it would be a box of teeth-pick?
Jonah: No, no, because well... [stammers] Yeah, maybe.

Quote from Garrett

Sandra: Guys. Something crazy is happening. There are men in black suits swarming the parking lot, saying things like, "Quantico, this is Daniels" and "Uncle Phil is on the move, I repeat, Uncle Phil is on the move."
Jonah: Wow, that is too crazy.
Sandra: The only question is, who is Uncle Phil? Probably someone that looks like Uncle Phil.
Garrett: It's me! I look like Uncle Phil!

Quote from Sandra

Garrett: You're always starting stuff! "Hey, Garrett, let's Google how to murder somebody." Well, you happy now? What's next? "Hey, Garrett, let's tell Zephra to email the police and tell them I just planted a bomb in the store!" [cell phone chimes]
Female Voice: [on phone] E-mailing local police. "I just planted a bomb in the store."
Jonah: Oh.
Female Voice: [on phone] Would you like to send?
Sandra: Yes.
Jonah: What?
Garrett: No!
Female Voice: [on phone] Okay, I've sent your email.
Garrett: Why?!
Sandra: I just always say yes.

Quote from Mateo

Amy: For anyone who hasn't already downloaded the Zephra employee app, you need to. There's a bunch of cool features. For one, you get points for helping customers...
Mateo: Ooh, I want points.
Cheyenne: Ooh, me too.
Jonah: What do points do?
Mateo: Looks like ten points get you a badge, and ten badges get you a banner.
Cheyenne: Ooh.
Jonah: And what do banners get you?
Mateo: I don't know, Jonah, the moon. God, ten times a day with this guy. "What do banners get you?"

Quote from Amy

Amy: Also there's a product locator, an inventory map, and, uh, oh... Your Z-Shelf comes with the CEO's autobiography and an audio version read by Emily Deschanel from Bones.
Marcus: Love her.
Sandra: I'm a total Bones-head.

Quote from Glenn

Glenn: What if someone already bought those, but without a warning? 'Cause I just sold six 24-packs to a teenager.
Amy: A teenager bought 144 cans of chafing fuel, and you didn't think that was suspicious?
Glenn: I thought it was incredibly suspicious! That's why I remembered.

Quote from Glenn

Sandra: I linked the app to my Facebook and checking accounts. I got the Super Sharer badge.
Garrett: You hate this, don't you?
Jonah: I just don't love handing giant corporations a way to get my address, my contacts, and all of my passwords.
Glenn: I already gave all of that up to figure out which cat from Cats I am. Macavity, the magical one.

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