Amy: Glenn and Garrett, you two are gonna be managing the haunted house in the garden center.
Garrett: Aww, man, then I won't get to hear Jonah lecture us on whatever dumb metaphor his costume's supposed to be.
Jonah: Uh, actually, I got tired of explaining my costume every year, so this year, I'm just gonna be a good old-fashioned cowboy.
Glenn: We get it. You're herding us to the polls because no one here votes.
Jonah: No, really, I'm...
Dina: Don't be stupid. He's obviously toxic American masculinity.
Jonah: Actually, I... I like that better. I'm switching to that.

Marcus: Sorry I'm late. Sorry.
All: Wow.
Marcus: Hard to get in my car in this thing, but guess who's winning our costume contest?
Amy: Oh, by the way, there will be no costume contest this year.
Marcus: What?
Amy: Corporate didn't want to approve another racial sensitivity training.
Marcus: Tita Irma spent an hour this morning sewing me into this.
Garrett: You're sewed into that? How are you gonna use the bathroom?
Marcus: There's actually a lot of padding in here, so... [all murmur in disgust]

Jonah: Point is, we almost have enough cards signed to unionize. This is great, guys. We're gonna be a union. [all cheer]
Amy: [enters] Ooh, this sounds fun. Did Sayid reach a new level of Pokémon?
Sayid: My girlfriend made me quit.

Cheyenne: Um, should we be selling these? Didn't they just find another cut-off foot right around here?
Carol: Oh, it's awful. I'm an empath so things like that really affect me.

Glenn: I just wish they would catch the guy already.
Dina: Why are you assuming it's a guy? Maybe St. Louis finally has a female serial killer.
Justine: Oh, yeah. About time. Uh, hello, glass ceiling? Ya shattered.

Jonah: And we've done a really good job of organizing employees at other stores.
Justine: Oh, I pulled so many digits.
Mateo: 'Cause you were in charge of getting everyone's contact info.

Russell: We were just talking about the u... nicorn union. No, just... just unicorns.
Amy: Um, you guys, you know I'm pro-union. Why wouldn't you just tell me about the meeting?
Cheyenne: We quit telling you weeks ago because you're management. I mean, she doesn't need healthcare. She's got a drawer full of Band-Aids in her desk.
Amy: Okay, I paid for those Band-Aids, and they're for everybody.
Sayid: Can I have one?
Amy: Do you have a cut?
Sayid: Ah, see? There's always a catch.

Cheyenne: Okay, Halloween question. If anyone in our store was chopping off feet...
Mateo: Glenn. Well, it's always the churchy ones who snap first.
Cheyenne: Really? What about Garrett? 'Cause, you know, he's a sneaker guy and you know where people keep their sneakers.
Dina: Glenn? Garrett? Really? Did you see those crime scene photos? That foot was a precision cut. I'm thinking a reciprocating meat saw.
Mateo: Oh, you've given this foot chopper a lot of thought.
Dina: Oh, they're not just cutting off feet. If you ask me, they're dismembering whole bodies. Sure, they're releasing the feet, but there's a trophy room somewhere with heads, hands, and select genitals. [walks off]
Cheyenne: You don't think that, uh... Yeah, no. But do you?
Mateo: What, that Dina's a serial killer? No, no. I mean, that would be insane. [chuckles] Yeah. Oh, but also kinda.
Cheyenne: Right?

Maya: I just thought it would be a fun day to come by and meet you guys now that I'm taking over for Laurie.
Amy: Yeah, yeah. She... she left kind of suddenly, huh? Did that have anything to do with her, um... Her hobbies?
Maya: You mean her coke habit?
Amy: Oh, um, I... wow. That...
Maya: It's okay. We're all talking about it.
Amy: Okay.
Maya: At the last retreat, she was so coked up, she roundhouse kicked the CEO into the omelet station.
Amy: No.
Maya: Yeah.
Amy: Did anybody get a video of that?
Maya: Girl, I wish! [both laugh] No, but seriously, it's very sad.
Amy: Yeah, no, I really hope she gets the help she needs.

Glenn: Aww, I left my cell phone in the garden center.
Garrett: Well, I'm just spitballing here, but maybe you could just go in and get it?
Glenn: Yeah. Haunted houses are a little loaded for me. When I was a kid, my dad took me to Skele-Tony's Spook Shack, and I accidentally let go of his hand and I couldn't find my way out for 45 minutes. I ended up eating the spaghetti brains and grape eyeballs just to survive.
Garrett: So because of that traumatic snack, you're too scared to go into the garden center that we saw Elias decorate with crepe paper?
Glenn: No, no. That'd be silly. Of course I can go in there.
Garrett: Mm-hmm.
Glenn: But you know what'd be easier? I can check my voicemail remotely. Go into the store, use the phone, dial nine for an outside line, call my cell phone, press star, and then enter my password. Easy peasy.