Previous Episode Next Episode 
Zephra Cares

‘Zephra Cares’

Season 5, Episode 17 -  Aired February 27, 2020

As Amy organizes a community service event for women in need, a reporter from the company magazine visits the store. Meanwhile, Sandra is uncomfortable with the way Jonah is soliciting donations.

Quote from Cheyenne

Cheyenne: Well, I read Zephra does blood diamonds.
Jonah: What do you mean by "does?"
Cheyenne: Uh, I don't know. I didn't click on it.


Quote from Garrett

Dina: Garrett, you're only giving packages to people with wristbands.
Glenn: Wait, so we're just gonna turn people away 'cause they don't have a wristband?
Garrett: So for all intensive purposes, people in need without a wristband are dead to us.
Dina: "Intensive purposes?" Did you mean "intents and purposes?"
Garrett: I mean, you could say it both ways.
Dina: [chuckles] You can, but one way makes you sound like an idiot. You're lucky you're pretty.
Garrett: All right, you know what? I know what it... You're lucky I'm pretty!

Quote from Jonah

Amy: I don't know. I- I don't know how to brag about myself. It feels gross, and now I'm supposed to take a charity and make it all about me.
Jonah: Hey, you took their empty slogan and did something actually great with it. You deserve to brag a little bit. I think you should be on all the websites. I mean, except for the incel ones. And most of Reddit. 4chan, 8chan... I hope you're never on a website.

Quote from Jonah

Justine: I did hear that Zephra gives a lot of money to struggling communities.
Mateo: We all heard that, Justine. They said it, like, 12 times in the video.
Garrett: "Those communities might not be struggling if Zephra paid taxes." It's a text from Jonah.
Jonah: Butt text.

Quote from Dina

Amy: Jeff, what the hell?
Dina: You've got a lot of gall. In fact, if I measured your gall level, you would break the gall level device.

Quote from Jonah

Amy: Okay, guys, relax. You don't have to do any of the things you just saw in the video. All you have to do today is hand out these nifty care packages to the Holloway House Women's Shelter and ask our customers to round up to the nearest dollar for charity. Easy.
Sandra: Wow. Cloud 9 never did any of this stuff, but I feel like Zephra cares.
Jonah: Well, let's not just blindly believe the T-shirts. [off Amy's look] Although Zephra is a fine company which I am not criticizing today as was made clear to me in the car.

Quote from Sandra

Glenn: Okay, I'm confused. Is Zephra good or bad?
Amy: Glenn, come on. It's not that easy.
Sandra: They did give us that Lyft discount though. Today I got to ride in a Kia Soul. Guys, believe the hype.

Quote from Amy

Maya: [on phone] You went way above and beyond. Most stores are just writing "fight breast cancer" on a jar and sticking it at checkout.
Amy: Yeah, I mean, breast cancer is so first thought. For a good reason. You know, one in eight. Affects us all.
Maya: Anyway, I want Zephra to know you're kicking ass, so I got them to send someone to do a profile of you for the website.
Amy: A profile? Of me? Um, okay. Wow. Well, I've never been profiled before. I mean, except racially.

Quote from Cheyenne

Cheyenne: Oh, hey, Glenn. Just a heads up, you might be getting a call from my landlady.
Glenn: Oh, fun! Oh, wait, is everything okay?
Cheyenne: Oh, yeah. It's just 'cause you cosigned the lease, and Bo and I were late on the rent last month. And this month. She's crazy. She's got, like, a total boner for rent.
Glenn: Cheyenne, if you're having money problems, I'm more than happy to help.
Cheyenne: Oh, thanks, but no, we'll figure it out. It's just, you know, groceries and kid expenses and then you get caught up in a pyramid scheme and then your husband breaks his tailbone at backyard wrestling.
Glenn: Oh.
Cheyenne: Anyway, I'm gonna go see if Robot Glenn sucked up any change.

Quote from Dina

Dina: All right, it checks out. You'd be surprised how many people pose as corporate reps at charity events just to try to get free stuff.
Isabel: Really? How do they pull that off?
Dina: I'm not gonna tell you that.
Woman: Oh.
Amy: Sorry. She's been a little extra since she saw Richard Jewell.

Page 2