Season 4, Episode 20 - Aired May 9, 2019
After a viral tweet shows how the unkempt the store has become since the staff hours were cut, Amy and Jonah have an idea on how to get more support from Corporate. Meanwhile, Cheyenne, Mateo and Garrett start selling their belongings in the store to earn more money.
Quote from Jonah
Dina: "Just a normal day in America, #Cloud9Fail." Unbelievable.
Amy: What's going on here?
Dina: Uh, more people are posting photos of the store.
Jonah: You're kidding me.
Amy: This store?
Glenn: "Cloud 9 is looking a little bit cattywampus"? What does "cattywampus" mean?
Jonah: Uh, cattywampus is, I believe, regional slang for, uh, like, "all messed up." You know, I think the they use it in Arkansas. Oh, yep, there you go right there petiteroche22, that that just that means "Little Rock" in French.
Quote from Cheyenne
Cheyenne: If you're looking for an electric toothbrush, I'd suggest the Dentafix 100.
Man: It looks used.
Cheyenne: What? Who would sell a used toothbrush? We wouldn't sell that.
Mateo: This is the newest trend in oral hygiene. You want a brush that's pre-distressed, like a nice pair of jeans.
Cheyenne: A friend of mine got one of the old models with the straight, white bristles. Tore her gums to shreds. She had to get new ones from a dead body.
Quote from Jonah
Luanne: I had IT look up the websites that were visited by the same device that posted the tweets.
Jonah: Oh... kay, so that's something one could do. I didn't didn't know that.
Luanne: So I was hoping we could narrow down who it might be. Do you know anyone here who would have visited, uh, Huffington Post, Slate, The New Yorker caption contest, or done Google searches for "brine my own pickles," "Chris Hayes no glasses," and "Ronan Farrow age"?
Amy: Huh, well, you know, that really could describe just about everyone who works here.
Jonah: It's a- It's a hip group.
Quote from Marcus
Mateo: Well, no one will even hire you if you're on call here all the time. That's why I didn't get that job as a shirtless greeter at Abercrombie & Fitch.
Marcus: Oh, I used to have that job, but in a guy's house. [stammers] I knew him. He was my wrestling coach.
Quote from Jonah
Amy: Just make sure you get the whole-
Jonah: No, I got it, I've got it. Okay, and what should it say?
Amy: Um, okay, how about "Cleanup on Aisle Yuck"?
Jonah: Eh, I just don't feel like that's MayaJade91's voice.
Amy: "MayaJade91"? What happened to "Steelersfan211"?
Jonah: Steelersfan is the one who tweeted about how gross the bathrooms were. MayaJade's a little more spiritual, more in touch with vibrations and just kind of, like, the energy surrounding things.
Amy: Mm-hmm. Yeah, okay, how about "Don't let this chaos dim your inner light, #Cloud9Fail, #BadDayToWearSandals"?
Jonah: Wow. You are really, really good at this. It's like a one-line character portrait.
Quote from Garrett
Glenn: You have 83 pairs of shoes and none of them light up?
Garrett: No, but some of them are pretty valuable.
Glenn: Well, yeah. No, I bet.
Man: Excuse me, um, what could you tell me about these white Reeboks?
Garrett: Oh, yeah, those are the OG 1989 Reebok Pumps. Classic white-and-blue colorway with the mesh tongue. I even got the original box and the Pump hang tag.
Man: I have flat feet. How's the arch support?
Garrett: Those are original Reebok Pumps. When you buy a painting, do you ask how the arch support is?
Man: I'm just looking for something I can go hiking in.
Garrett: Please leave.
Man: What? No, I was just asking-
Glenn: Sir, he asked you to leave.
Quote from Glenn
Cheyenne: What is all this stuff?
Glenn: Well, it's just junk we've had in our attic that we've been meaning to throw out, you know. Jerusha's dad was a collector of both things and, as it turned out later, wives. But, anyway, is any of it valuable?
Mateo: [sighs] I mean, a flattened penny from Niagara Falls that's worth less than a penny. Some random keys. Ka-ching! A Neil Diamond cassette tape?
Glenn: [gasps] Oh, I'll keep that. I've been meaning to check him out.
Cheyenne: What about these baseball cards? Mickey Mantle wasn't he someone?
Glenn: I don't know. I've never really been a fan of men's baseball.
Mateo: This is from the first year he ever played, like, before he was even famous.
Glenn: Oh, it was worth a shot. [throws card in trash]
Cheyenne: Action Comics Superman, 1938. Wow, this is so old. [rips magazine] That doesn't even look like Dean Cain.
Quote from Dina
Dina: Hey, so, random I was going through some old security footage with Luanne.
Dina: And you remember how we used to have those security cameras in the break room? Well, we came across the time you let all my birds escape.
Garrett: Uh... yeah. Um...
Dina: [chuckles] Remember that? Remember? It was Valentine's Day. Remember? I was blaming myself for it, and then when I was at my lowest, you had sex with me, knowing that, hours before, you were the one that let them out. And you knew the entire time. And yet, you said nothing. Remember that? [laughs] So funny.
Garrett: Dina, I'm so, so sorry.
Dina: Hey, come on. Don't even worry about it. I forgive you. When you think about it, this whole thing is just funny. Hey, come with me. I want to show you something.
[cut to Dina and Garrett at the loading dock in front of a burning pile of sneakers:]
Dina: They went up so fast, it's like they wanted to burn. [chuckles] What's that sound? Is that air escaping from the sneakers? [chuckles] It almost sounds like they're screaming. [chuckles] [whispers menacingly] I will never forgive you... ever.
Quote from Sandra
Jonah: Hey, Sandra.
Amy: What's going on? Where are you going?
Sandra: I just got fired. I don't know what happened. Luanne said I was the one who was tweeting, but I swear to God, it wasn't me.
Amy: No, we know.
Jonah: Yeah, don't worry. We are not gonna let this happen.
Amy: We're gonna fix this.
Sandra: I never even joined Twitter 'cause I was thinking of running for City Council, and you know how my humor can get a little edgy.
Quote from Sandra
Amy: Guys, look, you know how corporate just kept cutting back our hours and cutting back our hours?
Glenn: I know they have.
Sandra: Well, sometimes you just got to say, "Enough with the [bleep]."
Sandra: It's like, you can only get pushed around so much before you say, "No! This isn't fair." This isn't right."
Jonah: What is happening?
Amy: I have no idea.
Glenn: What are you gonna do?
Sandra: We're gonna- We're gonna stand up.
Marcus: That's right.
Sandra: And we're gonna stay strong.
Marcus: There she is.
Glenn: Yep, that's it.
Sandra: And we need to unionize! [all cheer] This is just the beginning! Yeah! [all cheer]
All: [chant] Sandra! Sandra! Sandra! Sandra! Sandra! Sandra! Sandra! Sandra! Sandra! Sandra!