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Myrtle

‘Myrtle’

Season 5, Episode 12 - Aired January 16, 2020

As the employees mourn the loss of Myrtle, Jonah is surprised to have been left money in her will. Meanwhile, Cheyenne starts selling bootleg cosmetics, and Dina is reunited with her absentee father, Howard (Dean Norris).

Quote from Cheyenne

Amy: I can't believe Myrtle's gone.
Cheyenne: Yeah, she was so sweet, and lived through so much. Her e‐mail address was from Yahoo.

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Quote from Cheyenne

Mateo: You're selling bootleg makeup.
Cheyenne: Shh. Corona turned me on to her little side hustle selling this makeup, and she's been making bank. She keeps Instagramming herself rolling around in money.
Mateo: Ew. Money is filthy.
Cheyenne: Yeah, she got a staph infection from it, but she can afford mad antibiotics now.
Mateo: Lucy May? [scoffs] Cheyenne, I've heard about this. This is a pyramid scheme.
Cheyenne: No, no, no, it's called multi‐level marketing. The different levels get smaller and smaller as you go up. It's kind of shaped like a triangle.
Mateo: Trust me. It's a scam. It'll just make your money problems worse.
Cheyenne: But it's so easy. I just recruit people, and then I get a cut. It's like I'm a makeup pimp.

Quote from Sandra

Amy: When I first hired Myrtle to be my assistant, she used to leave loose hot dogs on my desk every day. I think she thought I'd asked for that, but she just really cared.
Glenn: She did. And she was really getting a lot less racist towards the end.
All: Yeah.
Sandra: She still called me Moana sometimes, but at least she saw the movie. Representation matters.

Quote from Jonah

Garrett: Hey, guys, Myrtle's nephew just came in and dropped off this envelope they found in her stuff, and it's addressed to "Sweet Prince Jonah" from Cloud 9.
Amy: Wow.
Jonah: And she meant me? I mean, I played a prince in Into the Woods in high school, but there's no way she could've...

Quote from Glenn

Glenn: Jonah, look. I was just in softlines, and then suddenly, out of nowhere, boom. This bottle of Mr. Clean appeared. Myrtle always said that Mr. Clean was her celebrity crush. She called him, "My big white genie."
Jonah: Oh, yeah. That sounds familiar, I think.
Glenn: Look, I know she means well leaving all these signs to let me know she's still around, but... it just makes me miss her more. You shouldn't outlive your employees. It's not right. It's not natural.

Quote from Glenn

Glenn: Oh, hey, Amy. Is it okay if I step out to do a wire transfer? Pastor Craig's on Lake Como time.
Amy: Uh‐huh, maybe. Look, Glenn, I was thinking. When was the last time that you got Jerusha something really nice?
Glenn: Oh, I bought her a bone‐in parma ham last Monday. As far as she's concerned, that's as good as it gets.

Quote from Glenn

Jonah: Uh, because we just thought it's- it's kind of a lot of money to be giving to Pastor Craig.
Glenn: I thought so too at first, but then Pastor Craig told me about all the extras.
Jonah: Extras?
Glenn: Yeah. Like for $600, Myrtle can get into heaven, but it's, you know, regular heaven, economy class. But for the thousand, she can get into first‐class heaven. I mean, I bet that's where the saints hang out.

Quote from Glenn

Glenn: We still have the projection from Myrtle's virtual greeter, so I thought it'd be nice to see her again.
Cheyenne: Oh, like when Tupac played Coachella.
Myrtle: [on display] Welcome to Cloud 9.
All: Aww.
Myrtle: Check out our great deals on batteries. Check out our great deals on sporting goods. [chuckles] Check out our great deals on paper products.
Dina: How many of these do we have to watch so we're not bad people?
Amy: I'm gonna say ten.
Myrtle: ...avocados.

Quote from Glenn

Jonah: Hey, Glenn, how you holding up?
Glenn: [sighs] Not great. I found a snail in my car this morning, and I didn't even name him. I didn't have it in me.
Jonah: Yeah, that's... That's rough. Hey, you know, I was watching the weather this morning, and it was so crazy. The guy was talking about a cold front off the coast of Myrtle Beach.
Glenn: Really?
Jonah: Yeah. Yeah, he said Myrtle, like, five times, you know? Who knows? Maybe... Maybe it's a sign, you know, that she's, um... she'll always be here with us.
Glenn: Yeah. Or maybe she's trying to communicate with us.
Jonah: Yeah, or that was just the whole message.
Glenn: [gasps] What's... Jonah. Ketchup packets.
Jonah: Uh...
Glenn: Myrtle loved to eat ketchup packets.
Garrett: Is love the right word for what that was?
Glenn: This could be a sign.
Jonah: [sighs] I don't think...
Glenn: My eyes are open, Myrtle!

Quote from Marcus

Amy: Feels kind of weird just going back to work, huh?
Marcus: Yeah. Should we just call it?
Amy: No, we can just think about Myrtle while we work.
Marcus: Great, now I gotta do two things.

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