Jonah Quote #405

Quote from Jonah in #Cloud9Fail

Amy: Just make sure you get the whole-
Jonah: No, I got it, I've got it. Okay, and what should it say?
Amy: Um, okay, how about "Cleanup on Aisle Yuck"?
Jonah: Eh, I just don't feel like that's MayaJade91's voice.
Amy: "MayaJade91"? What happened to "Steelersfan211"?
Jonah: Steelersfan is the one who tweeted about how gross the bathrooms were. MayaJade's a little more spiritual, more in touch with vibrations and just kind of, like, the energy surrounding things.
Amy: Mm-hmm. Yeah, okay, how about "Don't let this chaos dim your inner light, #Cloud9Fail, #BadDayToWearSandals"?
Jonah: Wow. You are really, really good at this. It's like a one-line character portrait.

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 ‘#Cloud9Fail’ Quotes

Quote from Cheyenne

Cheyenne: If you're looking for an electric toothbrush, I'd suggest the Dentafix 100.
Man: It looks used.
Cheyenne: What? Who would sell a used toothbrush? We wouldn't sell that.
Mateo: This is the newest trend in oral hygiene. You want a brush that's pre-distressed, like a nice pair of jeans.
Cheyenne: A friend of mine got one of the old models with the straight, white bristles. Tore her gums to shreds. She had to get new ones from a dead body.

Quote from Jonah

Dina: "Just a normal day in America, #Cloud9Fail." Unbelievable.
Amy: What's going on here?
Dina: Uh, more people are posting photos of the store.
Jonah: You're kidding me.
Amy: This store?
Glenn: "Cloud 9 is looking a little bit cattywampus"? What does "cattywampus" mean?
Jonah: Uh, cattywampus is, I believe, regional slang for, uh, like, "all messed up." You know, I think the they use it in Arkansas. Oh, yep, there you go right there petiteroche22, that that just that means "Little Rock" in French.
Justine: Whoa.

 Jonah Simms Quotes

Quote from Health Fund

Amy: Okay, so in the first four hours, you've managed to commit us to $37,000.
Jonah: The claims just kept coming, and, you know, it's like that opening in Star Wars where the words zoom past you. And at first it's cool, but eventually you just can't keep up.
Amy: Wait, Sandra alone has asthma, rheumatoid arthritis, sciatica, fibromyalgia, leaky gut syndrome... This just keeps going.
Jonah: We just got to keep signing people up. That's all, okay? If we get everybody in the backroom to sign up then that will pay for these people. And then we can go to other branches and then that will pay for the backroom...
Amy: [gasps] This is a pyramid scheme.

Quote from Election Day

Jonah: Not to put my head in the lion's mouth, but now I'm thinking Times New Roman.
Amy: [sighs] Times New Roman would be a fine font, Jonah, and so would Helvetica and Garamond, and really any font would be just fine.
Jonah: Not Wingdings.
Amy: No one was suggesting Wingdings.