Turk: Denise, everybody knows Drew's hitting you.
Denise: How?
Turk: You guys had sex near the Todd.
[flashback:]
Turk: What? What's going on?
Todd: Someone's doing it right now. In that supply closet.
Turk: Really?
Todd: Socks off, pants on? Still... [he and Turk high-five]
[present:]
Denise: Damn it.
Turk: How come you don't let him take his pants off, though?

Todd: Wow. Where do I get in line?
Lucy: Where's your car?
Todd: What car? Full body wax-five. Buff away, ladies.

Turk: Thank you for meeting me. So basically I'm looking for a work friend, Someone to pal around with at the hospital.
Todd: I am so ready to take this relationship to the next level. You know, mentally, physically and emotionally.
Turk: I'm sorry, did you just say "physically"?
Todd: Weird five. Get there.

Turk: What the hell, Todd?!
Todd: Well, I had no choice. He found a picture of adult braces Todd. I can't let that get out there. "Rock and a hard place" five?

Todd: Sorry, dog. Already called shotgun on the lesbian.
Turk: You can't call shotgun on a person.
Todd: All right, then. Dibs.
Turk: Damn it! Dibs works. Todd, I'll let you run point on this, but you gotta be cool.
[later:]
Todd: Hi, I'm Dr. Lesbian, I'll be your lesbian.
Turk: I got it from here, Todd. I said I've got it from here, Todd.

Dr. Cox: How'd that go for you? Awkward or, uh, really awkward?
Turk: Neither. ... Super awkward. Look, Nicole's colitis is pretty advanced and surgery is too risky due to her diabetes and thrombocytopenia.
Dr. Cox: Well, just treat it with steroids then.
Turk: She must be in a lot of pain. I wonder why she didn't tell me.
Dr. Cox: Maybe she did, but you didn't hear her because you were fantasizing about being stranded on lesbian island.
Todd: Is that a real place? Because I can leave tonight. What?
Dr. Cox: We're just hard-staring you away.
Todd: Oh. [gasps, backs away]

Drew: Hey. I just needed a moment of peace and quiet. The other students will not stop asking me questions.
Dr. Cox: Oh, puh-lease. I have a hospital full of incompetents hammering me with asinine questions every second of every day.
Todd: Uh, Dr. Cox? Your patient in 3 is septic. Antibiotics or vasopressors?
Dr. Cox: Antibiotics first.
Drew: That wasn't so dumb.
Dr. Cox: Wait for it.
Todd: Oh, did you get my request for scrubs that hug a little closer to my wham-bam?
Dr. Cox: Thank you, Todd, for being the example to a point that you don't understand.
Todd: You're welcome.

Turk: Cole didn't have what it takes, all right? We surgeons are an elite crew.
Dr. Cox: Really? Say, Todd, do me a favor. Would you tell me what that wonderful new invention is you've been working on?
Todd: It's a series of erotic novelty wines. Chardonn-gay, sauvignon donk, teeny-weeny peeny grigio. Patent pending five. [high-fives Turk] Drink up, boys.

Todd: Nurse, I know you're new here, so I wanted to offer you the chance to assist me in a bypass later. And by that I mean we'd bypass the kissing and go straight to the... Oh, my God, you're a dude?
Turk: Sorry, Larry.
Todd: Aw, I feel so bad. Look, I'll make it up to him. I will hook him up with that chick!
Turk: Dude, that's Larry again.
Todd: Oh!

Dr. Cox: Okay, people, biphasic defibrillators. How many of you had a chance to practice on the mannequin?
Todd: [raises his hand] Oh, yeah.
Dr. Cox: With the defibrillator?
[The Todd lowers his hand]