Otto: Willy will be staying with us until his work visa gets straightened out.
Gretchen: Until then we will get to hear his wonderful playing every day, no? Otto, let's get our sheet music. We can do our duet of "Don't Go Breaking My Heart."
Otto: Ja. It is not so much a song as it is a lovers' conversation.

Gretchen: This is so exciting. Oh, look, a light. And- And what are these marvelous things?
Man: C clamps.
Gretchen: [gasps] The C clamp! Oh, Otto, it's like a dream.
Otto: Oh, Francis, what a brilliant idea, opening our doors to the film industry.
Francis: It was no big deal. When Patrick said he wanted to direct a movie here, all I said was, "Sure." I mean, it's not like it's a big budget movie or anything.
Otto: Don't belittle yourself, Francis. They will tell their friends at the Brown Derby. Soon, bigger movies will come. And one day I will be fluffing the pillow of Mr. Rutger Hauer.

Francis: So Piama called. She and Gretchen got to Tucson okay.
Otto: Tucson the city that never sleeps. They think they're going to have so much fun but we will show them, eh? Just us guys.
Jorge: Where do you want your things, Otto?
Otto: Just put them in Francis' room.
Francis: What?
Jorge: Oh, and Gretchen left this for you.
Francis: Wh- Hold on. Why is he bringing your things to my room?
Otto: Because I'm staying with you this weekend. I have not slept alone in a bed for 35 years.
Francis: You're planning on sleeping in my bed? With me?
Otto: It would be presumptuous of me to ask a guest.

Gretchen: You mustn't talk about your family like that, Francis. There is nothing more important than- It's a letter from our son, Rutger! We must hide this immediately.
Francis: Why do you have to hide a letter from your son?
[Otto grabs the envelope and lights it on fire]
Gretchen: Otto, no!
Francis: What are you doing?
Otto: Nothing, because this did not happen. Nothing happened. Except for me telling you that nothing happened. That happened, but only that. Things will begin to happen again, starting now! Oh, look, the mail came. Hmm, hmm, hmm.

Francis: I am having the best time with Piama today. It's like every moment was perfect, and-and seemed to blend perfectly Into the next perfect moment.
Otto: I have had 25 years of days like that with my Gretchen.
Gretchen: I heard that, schminky pants. [blows a kiss]
Otto: I will save this for later. [laughs]
Francis: See, when marriage works, there is nothing like it. Now let me ask you something. You and Gretchen... You never argue about chores, right? Like, if there's an errand to be run, you do it, she does it, who cares?
Otto: I never really thought about it.
[cut to:]
Otto: I am sick and tired of doing all of these chores!
Gretchen: Ooh!
Otto: I work hard all day!
Gretchen: I work like a dog, and you don't appreciate it! You just spend money on whatever you want!
Otto: I spend?! You spend money like we have a key to the mint or someplace!

Otto: That silly fighting. Let us never do that again. That is not us.
Gretchen: No.
Otto: I don't know what came over me.
Gretchen: Oh, me, neither, hmm? We will never speak of this again, hmm?
Otto: Of what? See, I already forgot it. [laughs]

Otto: I promise I will hire you back just as soon as business picks up.
Francis: I've never seen it this slow, Otto. That makes six employees laid off in one week.
Otto: It is that festival down at Roswell. All of the tourists are going to see where the UFOs landed.
Francis: Our people are losing their jobs 'cause a bunch of idiot tourists think little green men crashed a spaceship down there? That's ridiculous.
Otto: Ja. They will see nothing down there. The government put every scrap of evidence in a secret vault fifty years ago.

Otto: Fire! Fire! Francis, there's a fire!
Francis: What? Where?
Otto: Right here on your cake.
Francis: God, it's been a year already?
Gretchen: As of 9:31.
Otto: So far, your first three hours of year two are going much better than I ever could have hoped.

Francis: What did the vet say about Paint Can?
Otto: Oh, she's fine. Just fine. [moves away from the cow] It's terrible news. She has acute laminitis in her hoof. I'm afraid we will have to put her down.
Francis: You mean kill her?
Otto: Uh-huh.
Francis: Oh, the poor thing. Who's going to have to do it?
Otto: We will have to do it, Francis.
Francis: You're kidding.
Otto: We have no choice. After all, we are real ranchers. We must be strong and determined, and never shirk from our responsibilities, no matter how unpleasant they may be.
Francis: You're going to make me do this, aren't you? [Otto has disappeared] Otto?

Otto: The newspaper is here. The newspaper is here. The newspaper is here.
Piama: You know those come out every day, right?
Otto: No, no, today is the day our review appears in the Lifestyle section. Charles Cutler himself came out. He only does the biggies. Francis, you read it. I'm too nervous.
Francis: "A visit to the Grotto raises many questions, foremost among them, 'How could a kind and loving God grant these monsters a hotel license?'"
Piama: "From the swinish cretins posing as staff members, up to and including cuisine that would embarrass an orphanage, the Grotto is quite simply the worst hotel in the history of the world."
Otto: I'm sorry. I was so nervous, I wasn't even listening. Start again.