Hal: Boys, you see what I have? This is a movie I asked you to return three weeks ago.
Reese: What if we want to watch it again?
Hal: I found it in the dishwasher. 21 days times $2.99 a day, that's...
Malcolm: $62.79.
Hal: What?! What is it going to take for you boys to learn some responsibility? You can't just go through life letting things slide? Sooner or later, you are going to learn that- [lights go out] Is it the tenth already?

Otto: Someone was out of bed bright and early this morning.
Francis: [chuckles] Yeah, Gretchen left me a note. Can't seem to find it anywhere. I think it may have been about your violent night terrors.
Otto: What are you talking about?
Francis: I don't speak terrified German, but you must have been having some pretty horrific dreams.
Otto: That's ridiculous. I never dream.
Francis: What?
Otto: I never dream. I go to sleep; eight hours later, I wake up with a slight sore throat just like everybody else.
Francis: You screamed for hours.
Otto: I think it was you that had the bad dream, but don't worry, I know just what to do. I will give you a nice, oily massage before bedtime, you will sleep like a baby.

Dewey: [on the phone] Yeah, Mom, he just finished digging that underground fort you wanted. I think you're going to have a lot of fun in it.
Hal: Give me that. [takes phone] Honey, don't say anything. Just listen. You were right. You're always right. From now on, I will do whatever you say, because I have been happier just mindlessly obeying you than doing what I think I want with any of my so-called friends. I love you. I miss you. Here's Dewey.
Dewey: [takes phone] Really, Mom? You want me to cut Reese's hair? But he loves his hair. Okay.
Reese: This is so unfair. [grabs scissors] Just get it over with.
Dewey: Mohawks are kind of out, Mom. What if I- [phone rings] Do you hear a strange ringing, Mom?
Reese: You are so dead! [Dewey screams]