Phoebe: Whoa, whoa. No drinks near the bucket. Set it down there and then you can make a contribution. You can leave the "hurt bunny" look over there too.

Phoebe: How do you sleep at night?
Joey: Well, I'm pretty tired from lugging the trees around. Hey, Phoebe, listen. You got this all wrong. Those trees were born to be Christmas trees. They're fulfilling their life purpose by making people happy.
Phoebe: Really?
Chandler: Yes! Yes, and the trees are happy too because for most of them, it's their only chance to see New York.

Joey: I gotta go sell Christmas trees.
Phoebe: Have fun. Oh, wait. No, don't. I forgot. I am totally against that now.
Joey: What? Me having a job?
Phoebe: No, I am against innocent trees being cut down in their prime and their corpses grotesquely dressed in, like, tinsel and twinkly lights.

Ross: So, Ben, you know what holiday is coming up?
Ben: Christmas.
Ross: Yeah, and you know what other holiday is coming up?
Ben: Christmas Eve.
Ross: Yes, but also ... Hanukkah! See, you're part Jewish and Hanukkah is a Jewish holiday.
Ben: Santa has reindeers that can fly.
Ross: Right, but on Hanukkah- Hanukkah is a celebration of a miracle. See, years and years ago there were these people called the Maccabees.
Ben: [singing] Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells-
Ross: Okay, that's right. Yes, but on Hanukkah, we sing: Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel. I made you out of clay.
Ben: Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer-
Ross: Okay, it's not a contest.

Chandler: Pheebs? Skull?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, it's my mom's.
Rachel: Oh, my God!
Phoebe: No, no, no. It's not my mom. It belonged to my mom. Yeah, she used to put it out every Christmas to remind us that even though it's Christmas, people still die. And you can put candy in it.

Phoebe: Chandler, your being here is the best Christmas present I could have ever imagined. Now give me my real gift.

Phoebe: Ooh, ooh. We have a live one.
Rachel: Oh, it's a Macy's bag.
Phoebe: Yeah. Ooh, who's it for?
Rachel: "Dear Losers, do you really think I'd hide presents under the couch? P.S. Chandler, I knew they'd break you."
Phoebe: Uh-oh. She may be onto us.

Bob: Phoebe, we've been getting complaints.
Phoebe: What?
Bob: We're moving you to a less high-profile spot. Ginger's taking over this corner.
Phoebe: That chick can't handle my corner.

Chandler: Ho-ho-holy crap is it hot in here.

Ross: And these are shaped like Christmas characters: Santa, Rudolph and Baby Jesus.
Joey: Okay, I'll take a box of the cream-filled Jesuses.