Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] Went to the store, Sat on Santa's lap, Asked him to bring my friends, All kinds of crap, Said all you need is, To write them a song, Now you haven't heard it yet, So don't try to sing along, No, don't sing along, Monica, Monica Have a happy Hannukah, Saw Santa Claus, He said hello to Ross, And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy, And Rachel and Chandler, [indistinct] Happy holidays, everybody!

Ross: I'm the Holiday Armadillo! I'm a friend of Santa's and he sent me here to wish you a merry Christmas.
Monica: What happened to Santa, Holiday Armadillo?
Ross: Santa was unavailable so close to Christmas.
Monica: Well, come in, have a seat. You must be exhausted, coming all the way from Texas.
Ben: Texas?
Ross: That's right, Ben. I'm Santa's representative for all the Southern states. And Mexico!

Janine: Do you guys want to come too?
Ross: Are you serious?
Monica: We are there.
[Rachel laughing]
Chandler: What are you laughing at?
Rachel: Well, I used to date him, but you're still going out with her.

Rachel: Well, that's a lot better than Ross trying to kiss me in high school and saying that he did it because he needed Chap Stick.
Ross: It was a dry day.

Tall Guy: Hey, guy. You got about three seconds to get away from my partner.
Stage Manager: What's going on here?
Joey: Take a look at the guy's pants. Uh, I know you told us to show excitement, but don't you think he went a little overboard?
Stage Manager: What's the matter with you? Get out of here.
Joey: Yeah, take a hike, wet pants!