Phoebe: That sounds great, but maybe you should be in charge of wiping.
Chandler: Okay, I'm a rookie. I should not be in the end zone.

Chandler: Check it out. When the babies wake up they can meet Krog.
Monica: Chandler, what are you doing? That thing could poke someone's eye out.
Chandler: He can do more than that. He can destroy the universe.
Phoebe: No, Chandler, they could swallow one of those little parts. And also, look at his smooth area. That's just gonna mess them up.
Chandler: They're not going to swallow anything. You guys are being way too overprotective. When I was a kid, my mom used to just throw me into a pile of broken glass.
Phoebe: What?
Chandler: Glass, sand, whatever.

Phoebe: Why don't you guys go get portraits done by a professional photographer?
Monica: That's a great idea. I bet they have one of those wind machines.
Phoebe: Yeah, that's great. Next to that, Chandler won't look so stupid.
Monica: Chandler, what do you say?
Chandler: All right, but I should warn you I'm not going, [grimaces] I'm going.

Chandler: I just got reservations at Michelle's and tickets to The Music Man to celebrate our first holiday as a betrothed couple.
Monica: "Betrothed."
Chandler: Betrothed couple.

Monica: You're a really good kisser.
Chandler: Well, I have kissed over four women.

Monica: Look, honey, you don't have to do this. Okay, it's the strength you have inside that means the most to me. You're loyal, and you're honest and you have integrity. That's the kind of strength I want in a man that I love.
Chandler: That means nothing to me.

Monica: My boots in tan. Can you get a little closer so I can see the price?
Chandler: I can see it from right here. It'll cost you one husband.

Monica: Hi.
Chandler: Are you? Are you high?
Monica: I just had the most amazing bath.
Chandler: Really? I don't like baths.
Monica: Wait. You like them with me.
Chandler: Honey, it's not the bath I enjoy. It's the wet, naked lady.

Chandler: How about the closet by the bathroom?
Monica: Okay. Here, why don't you let me do it.
Chandler: No, no, no, no. I will do it. Honey, you have to learn to sit back and relax and let your husband take care of things once in a while. It's locked. You have to help me.

Ross: I can't believe Rachel just moved on and didn't say anything to me.
Chandler: Maybe she didn't move on. Maybe that kiss was just an impulsive, one-time birthday thing.
Ross: No, a month ago, she gave her number to some guy in a bar.
Chandler: Did she go out with him?
Ross: No. When he called I threw the message away.
Chandler: Ah, the high road.