Rochelle Quotes Page 2 of 37
Quote from Everybody Hates James
Rochelle: Okay, shh! Last time. [tapes] Hello. No one is available to take this call right now. Please leave a message at the sound of the beep. [stops tape] See? Is that good for everybody?
Chris: Yeah, that was good.
Drew: Yeah.
Tonya: You sound like a White woman.
Rochelle: Get out of here before I smack the naps out your hair.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Now she sounds like a Black woman.
Quote from Everybody Hates the Pilot
Rochelle: If I ever catch any of y'all spray painting on anybody's wall, I'm gonna put my foot so far up your behind, you'll have toes for teeth. Get inside.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's my mother Rochelle. She had a hundred recipes for whooping ass.
[montage:]
Rochelle: Boy, I will slap the caps off your knees.
Rochelle: I will knock you into last night.
Rochelle: I will slap your name out the phonebook and call Ma Bell and tell her I did it.
Quote from Everybody Hates Food Stamps
Julius: Rochelle, money is money. Cash, food stamps-- what's the difference?
Rochelle: Because I don't want to have to curse nobody out.
Julius: What?!
Rochelle: Julius, when I pull out food stamps, people look at me like I ain't got no husband. They talk to me like I ain't got no sense. They treat me like I ain't got no class. And if somebody treats me like that, I'm gonna curse them out!
Quote from Everybody Hates Greg
Rochelle: What, they don't have a phone at Greg's house? Look, I don't care where you are. You be like E.T., you phone home! I need to know where you are, who you're with and what you're doing. How do I know you're not selling drugs? I mean, you could be kingpin of a Colombian drug cartel for all I know.
Chris: I'm not out there selling drugs.
Rochelle: How do I know that?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother had one goal in life for her kids: don't sell drugs. As long as they weren't doing that, almost everything else was okay.
[fantasy:]
Police Officer #1: Ma'am, your son shot the mayor.
Rochelle: Did he sell drugs?
Police Officer #1: No.
Rochelle: Get in here, boy.
[fantasy:]
Police Officer #2: Ma'am, your son killed the governor, kidnapped his daughter, robbed the president and ran a red light.
Rochelle: He ain't sell no drugs, did he?
Police Officer #2: No, ma'am.
Rochelle: Boy, get in here.
Quote from Everybody Hates the Gout
Adult Chris: [v.o.] As kids we only had one job: go to school and get decent grades.
Kids: Bye, Mommy. Love you.
Rochelle: Have a good day. Don't come home stupid.
Kids: We won't.
Quote from Everybody Hates Funerals
Rochelle: Chris, how many times do I have to tell you to quit leaving this damn yo-yo on the floor? What are you trying to do, kill me?
Chris: I forgot where I left it.
Rochelle: Well, will you remember when I fall down the steps and break my neck?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Sometimes it felt like all my mother did was yell at everybody.
[montage:]
Rochelle: Tonya, close the door! You trying to freeze the whole house?
Rochelle: Drew, turn that mess down! You trying to make everybody in the house go deaf? And get your feet off my table.
Rochelle: Julius! Pick up your drawers! Do I have to do everything around here?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And when I say my mother yelled at everybody, I mean everybody.
Rochelle: [yelling in front of a mirror] Rochelle, what did I tell me? Are you trying to drive me crazy?
Quote from Everybody Hates Playboy
Julius: Baby, I don't want to fight anymore either. But why'd you feel you had to hide money from me?
Rochelle: I wasn't really hiding it. I was just keeping it in a safe place just in case something happened.
Julius: Something like what?
Rochelle: Julius, you work hard, and we barely make ends meet now. I mean, God forbid something happens to you. I mean, you could get hit by a postal truck or a gas truck. Get run over by a car, get high blood pressure, get the flu, gout, pneumonia, scoliosis, scurvy... You could fall off a building, trip off the escalator, get jumped, get stabbed, you could get MS, ALS, CHP, CCBD.
Julius: What's that?
Rochelle: I don't know, but it sounds like it'll kill you.
Quote from Everybody Hates Father's Day
Tonya: Mama, how come Daddy doesn't want to be with us on Father's Day?
Rochelle: Oh, baby, it's not that your daddy doesn't want to be with us, it's just that he works hard all the time and he just wants to have a little time to be by himself.
Drew: Man, that's cool. I can't wait until I'm a father so I can have this whole house to myself.
Rochelle: You are not gonna be a father in this house, because I ain't taking care of no babies. Lost your mind.
Quote from Everybody Hates Rejection
Rochelle: Oh, baby, have a good time. But not too good a time, 'cause you know I'm not raising no babies.
Quote from Everybody Hates the Class President
Rochelle: [on the phone] Yes, that's one bedroom at $425 a month. Rochelle with two "L"s. All right, thank you.
Julius: Where are you going?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The biggest change for my mother was that she decided to do something she hadn't done in years, keep a job. Normally, she would do this.
[flashback to Rochelle directing traffic:]
Rochelle: [whistle blows] Come on! Let's go! Move this ugly car out the way! Hey...! What in the hell are you doing?! I don't need this mess! My man has two jobs! Two!