Adult Chris: [v.o.] Kwanzaa had been a disaster at my house, but at least Kill Moves had a good Christmas. Then, just when I thought I had nothing left to give...
Jerome: Hey! Happy holidays, 'lil dude. Let me hold a dollar.
Chris: I don't have any money. But... I do have this Christmas card.
Jerome: [sighs] Thanks. You owe me a dollar. Merry Christmas.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Kill Moves and his mother taught me a valuable lesson. No matter what you celebrate, the holidays should be spent with people you love.
Jerome: Thanks for that two grand, 'lil dude.
Chris: What two grand?
Jerome: It was in that Christmas card you gave me. [chuckles]
Chris: What?
Jerome: Yeah. In the spirit of Christmas, I'm-a give you a dollar. You got change for a hundred?

Jerome: Can you let me hold some bail money?
Julius: Get yourself a lawyer, too.
Police Officer: Come on.
Jerome: I didn't do nothing.

Jerome: Hey, hey Hey! What y'all doing here?
Rochelle: We live here. What are you doing here?
Julius: Did you just pick our lock with a credit card?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And where did he get a credit card?
Jerome: This? Nah. This was an accident. I thought this was my house.
Chris: You live across the street.
Jerome: Sorry, man. I'm dyslexic. Hey, um I didn't mean to interrupt. Just going to leave.
Julius: You do that.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] And that's how the message on our answering machine became...
Julius: [on machine] We're not home right now. Leave a message after the beep.
[Jerome enters the room and walks towards the answering machine]
Julius: Hey, Jerome.
Jerome: Hey! Man, I- I was just...
Julius: I know what you were doing. Just take the answering machine and get out.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] He still came back later to try and steal the TV.

Chris: Look, Jerome, we just need some passport photos.
Jerome: You're not cops, are you?
Greg: Why? Is it illegal for cops to have passport photos?
Jerome: No. But if you knew passport photos meant something else and you were trying to trick me, I'd have to ask if you a cop, because legally, you have to say yes, and then I wouldn't give you one.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Contrary to popular belief, you needed to be educated if you wanted to drop out and become a criminal.
Greg: We're not cops.
Jerome: You could be undercover.
Chris: Do we look like 21 Jump Street?
Jerome: Look, it could be a sting operation.
Chris & Jerome: We're not cops.

Jerome: Hey, little dude, let me hold a dollar.
[Jerome gives Chris the candy he's buying as Chris gives him a dollar]
Chris: [rings register] That'll be a dollar.
Jerome: Here you go. [hands Chris back his dollar]
Jerome: PSATs, huh? You know, my uncle works at the place that makes the test books. And I'm selling answer keys if you need one. 20 bucks.
Chris: No, I'm good.
Jerome: Well, you'll be better if you have the answers to that test.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I'd be better if you'd stop robbing me every single day.

Kids: Trick-or-treat.
Jerome: Hey! Little dude from across the street.
Chris: Hey.
Jerome: I didn't know you still went trick-or-treating.
Chris: I'm not trick-or-treatin'. I'm just taking them.
Jerome: Hmm. Let me hold some candy.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I thought that was bad. Then I found out I wasn't the only guy that didn't know anything about women.
Jerome: Girls like it when you give them compliments. Hey, baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock.
Woman: Shut up, idiot.
Jerome: I wasn't even talking to her.

Jerome: Little dude from across the street. Yo, why don't you let me hold a quarter?