Adult Chris: [v.o.] A few blocks away, me and Greg were hoping nobody could see through us.
Chris: This is it.
Greg: "Ticket services, check cashing, bail bondsman, loans, piano lessons."
Both: Piano lessons?
Greg: "Passport photos."

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While my mother was happy, the big test was making Greg testy.
Greg: This test is a monster. Have you looked at this thing? It covers everything from analogies and reading comprehension to algebra, geometry, statistics and probability.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Anybody got a dictionary?

Chris: So, what did you tell the cops?
Greg: Don't worry. I described a guy they'll never find.
[later, another police line-up:]
Kristoff St. John: Man, I didn't hit a kid with a car. This is New York City. I take the subway everywhere or I walk. I don't even drive.
Greg: Isn't that Kristoff St. John?
Detective Marino: Yep.
Greg: That's not him.
Detective Marino: That guy is this guy.
Greg: I'm telling you, it's not him. I must have been nervous.
Detective Marino: Take another look. [Kristoff St. John is now holding a steering wheel]
Greg: Kristoff St. John didn't hit me.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] The only person more excited about me getting a car was Greg.
Greg: Oh, man, this is awesome! This isn't like when you had your dad's car. This car's yours. We can go to the shore to get girls, we can drive into Manhattan to get girls, we can go to Coney Island to get girls.
Chris: You do realize it's still gonna be us in the car, right?
Greg: It doesn't matter. Cars equal girls. Every weekend and week night, this world's gonna be our oyster.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Back at school, I was showing up later than a Black man at a custody hearing.
Greg: Dude, you're really late. This isn't a custody hearing, you know.
Chris: I know. You won't believe what happened.
Greg: Somebody broke into your car and stole your textbooks and homework? Here.
Chris: Where'd you find these?
Greg: I didn't find them. I bought them. I was trying to get some bootleg college textbooks from this guy and he offered to throw these in for half price. You owe me ten bucks.

Chris: Where you been?
Greg: I've been at the emergency triage area with heart palpitations.
Chris: Don't worry. Everything's gonna be fine.
Greg: How do you know? This whole place could blow. Metal chairs flying like shrapnel everywhere.
Chris: Greg, I called in the bomb threat.
Greg: What?! Where would you get such a crazy idea?
Chris: From you, with that story about your cousin Benny.
Greg: Oh. I may have exaggerated a bit.
Chris: What's wrong with you? Why would you make up a story like that?
Greg: I have a penchant for hyperbole to aggrandize myself. I've been working it out with my shrink.

Greg: So that's it? You're quitting school?
Chris: Look, I'm not repeating the tenth grade. I don't know what else to do.
Greg: Well, have you thought about a G.E.D.?
Chris: G.E.D.?
Greg: In the job market, it would put you on an equal level with any ex-con. Except for the ones who finished high school. I suppose it's for the best, though.
Chris: How's that?
Greg: If you're a sophomore I'm a junior, there's no way I could be seen with you. I don't have any more cool points to lose, dude.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] From the zero you started out with.