Mike: Bob. What are you doing here?
Bob: Oh, we just put the kids to bed.
Frankie: Yeah.
Bob: Thought we'd watch a little TV. Well, can I get you a beer?
Mike: Uh, no, thanks, Bob. I got it. Those my pajama bottoms?
Bob: Oh, yeah. I got paint on my pants. They're in the wash. So I grabbed a pair of yours. I knew you'd be okay with it.
Mike: Get out, Bob.
Bob: You sure? Because Maroon 5's on Kimmel tonight.
Mike: I don't know who that is, Bob. Drive safe.

Bob: It's my fault. I got on her nerves. I texted her every 10 minutes.
Mike: Look, Bob, there's a lot of girls in the world.
Bob: Oh, sure, says the seven-foot god. What's wrong with me?
Mike: I don't know. Sometimes you're a little needy.
Bob: Oh, my God, I'm needy?!

Frankie: Bob, she's firing someone. Abby told me that Ehlert told her to fire someone.
Bob: What?
Frankie: Yeah, and it's gotta be one of us because Pete's the top seller.
Bob: Well, it can't be me, I'm sleeping with her.
Frankie: What?
Bob: Or it could be me because I'm not all that good.

Bob: I stole a customer from Pete. I'm a dead man. Dead, dead, dead.
Frankie: You stole a sale from Pete in real life? Not that dream you have?
Bob: Yes. This guy he'd been working with came in on Pete's day off and I told him Pete had been shot, and I closed the sale.
Frankie: That must have been a rush.
Bob: I felt like a god.
Pete: Ladies.
Bob: Always funny, Pete. [laughs] [quietly to Frankie] He knows. If he goes for my face, don't let them rebuild it with putty. It never looks natural.

Frankie: Anyway, I'm just glad it's finally over. I have had it with her. You don't know what it's like to watch your kid get hurt, again and again and again.
Bob: That's why I never dated in high school. To spare my mom the pain.

Bob: Hey, Mike.
Mike: Bob.
Bob: You forgot Mother's Day, didn't you?
Mike: Well, you know, they trump up these holidays and they expect peop... Forget it.
Bob: Mike, let me help, okay? Oh, these are great. You can record your own message. You can do accents, anything you want. [in British accent] Hello, hello. Happy Mum's Day, Frankie. [laughs]
Mike: Yeah, okay. I'm in kind of a hurry here.

Mike: All right. So we're clear? A lot of back-seat grillers are gonna come up and tell you how to do it, but you gotta stay focused. Do what I told you. Keep your mind on the meat.
Bob: Thank you, Mike. It's an honor to be trusted with your grill. My dad never let me anywhere near ours. Whenever I got too close, he would squirt me with a spray bottle. [hugs Mike]
Mike: Okay. All right. Here we go. There we go.

Bob: Frankie, seriously, give me another chance. I got distracted when that guy started singing. It was like he was speaking to me.

Frankie: [v.o.] Well, the school year was off to an awesome start. The kids were late for class and I was late for work. Luckily, I had Bob to cover for me.
Mr. Ehlert: Bob. Where the hell's Frances?
Bob: I don't know. I don't know. Oh, Frankie. Sorry. I let you down. Punish me, Mr. Ehlert. Whatever you're gonna do to her, do to me. Unless you were making her work the weekend of the Persimmon Festival. I'm manning a booth.
Mr. Ehlert: You've never manned anything.

Bob: Hey! Mike. Brickster.
Mike: Oh, Bob. You found us.
Bob: Great game, huh? Yeah, we're gonna crush them to smithereens. Orson rules! Yeah! Ah-ooh-gah! Ow! Ow! Yeah, baby! Whoo!
Mike: You're really going to town there, huh?
Bob: Oh. Sorry about that.
Mike: That's okay.
Bob: Yeah, you know, big weekend for an alum. Gettin' fired up. Gettin' psyched. Oh, the times I had here.
Mike: You didn't go here.
Bob: No. I was homeschooled.